It has been two days since my 'standingupformyself' and I'm surprised to say that that feeling of heart wrenching pain in the chest everytime you think of the beloved is absent. *Touch Wood*. It usually gets me in my sleep, when I wake up momentarily and if I think of him and then the pain comes and sleep is difficult. But last night, I dreamt of him, woke up felt sad but that pain - the pain wasnt there!!! Maybe my heart is more wise than my brain. But I feel it and I know it, my heart is complete. Its more complete now than it was when I was with him.
There's no more vying for his attention. Sitting there hoping he would be nice or do something to make me feel special. By realising that I deserve better treatment than he has the capacity to give me, I made myself feel special. And I can feel that my heart appreciates it.
To follow on with this new found independance, I did the incredible! I went to the cinema, bought a single ticket and watched a movie by myself!! Maybe some of you already do it but for me that has been the ultimate challenge (in moviedom). To be enough comfortable by myself not to worry what people will think if I go cinema by myself. And it felt GREAT! I enjoyed the movie the same way I would have had if I had someone sitting next to me, I didn't think of the times he and I went to see movies together - I just enjoyed myself. I really gotta recommend it to you!
I have decided to move to Australia. The ultimate battle that rages in my head has finally been won. I know I'll be happier there with family, the sun, the sea and I can start my life! Its good!
So friends, I'm off to enjoy my last Friday as a Londoner! Yay
And remember 'Freedom comes from within'
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2 comments:
Two Things:
1. Watching movies at the theater are immensely exciting to me because I seem to not hold back on my expression and emotion towards it. I love going by myself and used to do so all the time, I need to go again soon.
2. I'm highly jealous about Australia. I have wanted to live in Australia ever since I can remember. I actually wouldn't mind dying there. It's either that or a small log cabin in the mountains. Which ever comes first?
At any rate Rane, I am proud of you and your new found independence and wish you all the luck in the world. All you have to do is keep your chin up and remember to make someone else smile every single day at least once and I promise the world will do the same for you.
Later...
Congratulations on the big choices you've been able to make *and* follow through on.
I'm sure there will be some challenges ahead because of all the changes, but now you can look back and say, 'Look what I already got through.'
I like watching movies at home by myself too. Like blu said, you can really let it all out, and I can sometimes appreciate the movie in an entirely different way.
Best of luck, Rane! Perservere!!
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