Friday, July 21, 2006

Relationships *shrug*

My mate and her boyfriend of 1 and a half odd years broke up last December. They were going to get married later on this year and they appeared to be the best couple to all those around them. They were so solid and they weren't a couple that you'd feel a third wheel if you hung out with them. In fact, most of us thought he was the best thing thats happened to her. Then she broke up with him. Noone could understand WHY. Sure they argued but who didn't these days? And she changed. Her behaviour went back to the way it used to be before they started going out. She started drinking loads and partying every night and hanging out with this group of females that she previously disliked. She basked in the attention she was getting from all the men - who unlike her ex didn't want marriage but merely some fun if they were lucky enough to get it. I couldn't understand it. What made this girl throw away the best thing she had and change back to what she had been trying to move away from for a good few years now. I was a bad friend, instead of supporting her - I judged her.

One day, once everything had settled, I asked her why they broke up and what brought on this change of behaviour. She replied 'He didn't appreciate me'. He didn't think to say how nice she looked when she got dressed up to go out with him. He put her down in front of all their friends. He didn't thank her for slaving away full days to make meals for HIS friends so that they would have a good time. Basically, he forgot the basics. He took her for granted. And somewhere along the line, she did something most women are scared to do - she stood up for herself and said she deserves better CONTRARY to what everyone else thought. She wasn't going to be in a relationship where she wasn't appreciated. That makes her a very brave girl. Even if she had to fall down after she made this decision and pick herself up again - it takes a great amount of self worth to say 'I deserve better'.

How many female friends do you know that remain in relationships even when they are treated worse with every passing day? Now for her, it was after one and a half years that these things built up and affected her relationship. So what do you do if you're little one month old relationship are showing the similar signs? I finally get what its like to not feel appreciated. For those little gestures you do to make someone feel good about themselves go without being acknowledged. What its like to be taken for granted. Its a bit harder for me since I'm in Sri Lanka and my boyfriend is in London - this is for a 5 week holiday but as each week passed I've noticed a deterioration in condition. At least in the previous weeks, if I texted whilst he was awake I'd be assured of an immediate response. Now? Not even that. If I text at 11am his time, I get a reply at 9pm his time. How do you stop the resentment build up? I don't want to make an issue of it and tell him whilst we are apart since I've noticed each fight we have seems to be a reason for him to call an end to it. And I don't want to give him that satisfaction.

So I'll tell the world instead:
If I could tell him everything, these are things I would ask from him:
- A simple thank you for coming online at 5am my time just so that I can catch him before he goes to sleep (This is me - who don't wake up before 12pm on any given day)
- A text back as soon as I text or at least during the next 2 hours.
- A simple 'I miss you' or 'I cant wait for you to get back' instead of a 'Im forgetting what you look like'
- I don't know what time he wakes up or goes to sleep, I don't know how his day is - these are little things

But why ask these from people? Shouldn't they know to give these things without being asked? How do you make someone not take you for granted without having to hand out ultimatums? Why do we take all the shit in the world from some people and take none from others?

Relationships... bah humbug!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Internet Savvy

So.. I've been spending my holiday trying to learn new things. Partially due to an imposing boredom due to the Sri Lankan government being more anal than most other governments having imposed a $750 levy per half hour imported program that is shown on local television! Now this my friends is a hilarious state of affairs as people are being deprived of their fundamental right of access to knowledge. So as most TV stations - other than the very resilient of them - can't afford to run their business with levies such as this, have given up on their regular half an hour programs such as 'Friends', 'Two and a Half Men' as well as the one hour programs (which are charged a levy of $1000 PER airing - so even re runs get charged) such as 'OC', 'ER' and now just air CNN or Singaporean news TWENTY FOUR SEVEN.

Now I'm all for learning about the world and its economy and its battles. However, to be forced to do so for pure lack of other entertainment is surely a violation of some sort of human right. Such is the sad state of affairs in some nations.

Anyways, I detract so due to this lack of entertainment, I've been trying to set up my online business and therefore its website. I tried messing around with the html in this blog and for around 10 minutes the entire blog disappeared! Was most disconcerting! But I'm learning. So what's my business? Take a look if you so wish:

Since I love the Maldives so and I feel I know bucket loads about it, I thought I might as well capitalise on this information and help others who are not so Maldives savvy! But so far no business. Its a crap site Im trying to get some professional help now. If any of you out there are web designers pls feel free to help me!

Olrite Im gonna go off and read a book or something.

Take care y'all

Saturday, July 15, 2006

The journey; the destination

I have not been blogging for more than a month now! Ironically, the day of my last post is also the day before I met someone very special. So I guess its safe to say I was rescued from the great big void I was feeling within me for so long.

Its funny to read back my last post and remember what I felt. Ironic too that I speak of having nothing to tie me down to London. So true. Then I can't help but think that the greatest void within me was probably that. The fact that I had nothing tying me down. Because when we are tied down it means we are wanted. By a career or a relationship or anything really. So it was probably this that made me search for something whilst making plans to leave.

You know how its Sod's Law how when you are looking for something you never find it? Well same goes for love or companionship. I have made many mistakes since September 2005 trying to look for that but then when I decided to leave I realised that I no longer needed to look for a relationship or that special someone to make me feel complete. AND voila, I found him. I'm not saying I found HIM as in the ONE. But I believe people enter our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. And maybe a month from now, I'll be alone again, but I know that because I met this person I found a reason to stay in London again. I also got my priorities back as well as my motivation!

I've got a little plan now for life. And more over, Im fulfilling one of my greatest dreams since I started working and realising that there is so much MORE TO LIFE: travelling! Im going travelling for two months to India and Australia to see the big big world out there. So that when I come back and settle back into the horrid corporate lifestyle and become a slave for money - I will know that I lived. At least for a few moments.

As for my dream of living in Sydney, I realise that in Sydney I'll have family and maybe I'll be able to do Medicine in a few years but I won't be able to earn and help my parents. And I realise that in London, maybe I dont have 100's of friends but I'd rather have the handful GREAT friends that I in London to 40/50 mediocre friends in Sydney.

Well all these are hopes. For what is hope but the love of life. So keep hoping people!

I'll leave you with this awesome quote I heard recently:

'Don't be afraid to make mistakes, stumble and fall. Cos most of the times the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wished for, Maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined.

Who knows where life will take you?

The road is long and in the end - the journey is the destination'

So enjoy the journey my friend! Because life has ways of surprising us when we least expect it!

Good night and good luck ;)