Friday, July 21, 2006

Relationships *shrug*

My mate and her boyfriend of 1 and a half odd years broke up last December. They were going to get married later on this year and they appeared to be the best couple to all those around them. They were so solid and they weren't a couple that you'd feel a third wheel if you hung out with them. In fact, most of us thought he was the best thing thats happened to her. Then she broke up with him. Noone could understand WHY. Sure they argued but who didn't these days? And she changed. Her behaviour went back to the way it used to be before they started going out. She started drinking loads and partying every night and hanging out with this group of females that she previously disliked. She basked in the attention she was getting from all the men - who unlike her ex didn't want marriage but merely some fun if they were lucky enough to get it. I couldn't understand it. What made this girl throw away the best thing she had and change back to what she had been trying to move away from for a good few years now. I was a bad friend, instead of supporting her - I judged her.

One day, once everything had settled, I asked her why they broke up and what brought on this change of behaviour. She replied 'He didn't appreciate me'. He didn't think to say how nice she looked when she got dressed up to go out with him. He put her down in front of all their friends. He didn't thank her for slaving away full days to make meals for HIS friends so that they would have a good time. Basically, he forgot the basics. He took her for granted. And somewhere along the line, she did something most women are scared to do - she stood up for herself and said she deserves better CONTRARY to what everyone else thought. She wasn't going to be in a relationship where she wasn't appreciated. That makes her a very brave girl. Even if she had to fall down after she made this decision and pick herself up again - it takes a great amount of self worth to say 'I deserve better'.

How many female friends do you know that remain in relationships even when they are treated worse with every passing day? Now for her, it was after one and a half years that these things built up and affected her relationship. So what do you do if you're little one month old relationship are showing the similar signs? I finally get what its like to not feel appreciated. For those little gestures you do to make someone feel good about themselves go without being acknowledged. What its like to be taken for granted. Its a bit harder for me since I'm in Sri Lanka and my boyfriend is in London - this is for a 5 week holiday but as each week passed I've noticed a deterioration in condition. At least in the previous weeks, if I texted whilst he was awake I'd be assured of an immediate response. Now? Not even that. If I text at 11am his time, I get a reply at 9pm his time. How do you stop the resentment build up? I don't want to make an issue of it and tell him whilst we are apart since I've noticed each fight we have seems to be a reason for him to call an end to it. And I don't want to give him that satisfaction.

So I'll tell the world instead:
If I could tell him everything, these are things I would ask from him:
- A simple thank you for coming online at 5am my time just so that I can catch him before he goes to sleep (This is me - who don't wake up before 12pm on any given day)
- A text back as soon as I text or at least during the next 2 hours.
- A simple 'I miss you' or 'I cant wait for you to get back' instead of a 'Im forgetting what you look like'
- I don't know what time he wakes up or goes to sleep, I don't know how his day is - these are little things

But why ask these from people? Shouldn't they know to give these things without being asked? How do you make someone not take you for granted without having to hand out ultimatums? Why do we take all the shit in the world from some people and take none from others?

Relationships... bah humbug!

5 comments:

Chalice said...

I really liked this post. I made me stop of think of myself. It is amazing how wonderfully important the small things in life are. The 'Thank You's' and just being noticed go a long way.

Thanks for the reminder...

Rane said...

thanks chalice! Yeah, it really does make a difference. I hope we'll all be able to get the appreciation we deserve someday.

Blu~ said...

You have no idea how much this post has hit home with me lately....I think chalice has got it completely, later...

Blu~

Blu~ said...

I really like it when rane falls(or should I say updates her blog)....

Hope all is well, later...

Blu~

Rane said...

good one blu.. i ve got loadsa material for a good few posts.. will be postin soon!!!