Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Significant insignificance

Situations around me compel me to consider the significance of what I worry about. I read once that there are two forms of worry: constructive and needless. I fear I am a serial needless worrier. I have found that during the last few months, I have changed from this needless worry to apatheticism. The change is disturbingly comforting.

A friend left me yesterday. A friend that bordered on romance - so today I 'mourn' his loss - but do I feel sad for the friend that left me or the hope that was represented by the friend that left me? I fear it is both. This realisation has made me attempt to cope with my feelings by asking myself - is this going to matter in 100 years time? Is anyone, including myself, going to remember this moment? The answer is a shocking no. If we ask ourselves this simple question often enough we might rid ourselves of that intense self importance that surrounds us.

I am currently reading Bill Bryson's Short History of Everything. The first few chapters have captivated me in its explanation of how IMMENSE everything is. I sit here and I feel sad. But, zooming further and further out from this scene of me - there are people walking around the city I am in, millions of people walking around the country, billions of people bustling ALL over the world, then we reach a view of earth from space, the solar system, the milky way and our universe. So from this final view, you look for me - I am smaller than a proton.

So we have two choices in life: either to make a difference - explain to ourselves that life is short and in the grand scheme of things, even if we live to be 100 life will still be short - because after we pass away the world WILL go on, other species will evolve our very own will become extinct - and the other option is to carry on the way we are blinded by worry, self importance and the greatest thing of all : that insignificant significance.

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