Since my last post, I have been feeling lost. What does it feel to lose one's self? The concept would have been alien to me till recently. I have always had a goal - short term or long term- to work towards. A place where I imagined myself in three years time or ten years time. Then, all of this got stripped away from me. So looking forward, I could only see darkness. Pure blinding darkness. In this darkness, it is said we might find other lost souls momentarily wondering - till they too become lost to us. However, sometimes a beacon of light beckons - reminding you of your dreams and dispelling your fears.
For me, the beacon was this : 'Sometimes you have to step out of the person you've become, to look at the person you wanted to be. The person you can be. The person you are.'
So where did I want to be when I was 22?
A medic - at the brink of graduation. A year closer to the wedding with the guy I have loved since I was 13.
Needless to say, I am as further away from that picture as Alaska is to Nigeria.
I want to be that person again. This realisation has helped me to climb out of the pit that I was in for the past week. I have been unable to make large decisions however I believe you must always deal with the smaller things first; the bigger things will automatically follow.
The point of this post? To say, that yes all your dreams can abandon you. You can suffer through the worst of times. But with a little bit of guidance and friendship from friends who you thought has long disappeared- you can find who you were again. Its upto you to change that person into who you wanted to be.
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3 comments:
You know, I had to realize that exact thing about 5 years ago. I finally came to peace with myself and let go of all of the regrets and choices that I made over the years. It was hard but well worth it. I rather like who I am today.
I am happy you have come to know there is indeed light at the end of the long tunnel, there always was, you just had to find it :)
Take care..
Hello rane, that really grabbed me by the jewels and made me stop and think again, I had similar thoughts once but they flurried away. Maybe one day they will return but until then I am now inspired to lay down on the table my true and exact thoughts or transmissions or whatever you want to call them, no more silly stuff, thank you rane, I'll be back and you can come see me again at BBU anytime...
Its great (in an odd way) to realise that Im not alone in feeling this 'lostness'.
Hopefully, in the near future I too would be able to like who I have become!
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