Friday, April 03, 2009

Reprise from the Land of the Lonely

I have removed myself from the blog aggregator 'Kottu'. As great as being a part of the Kottu community was, the current situation in Sri Lanka and the lack of anonymity associated with being part of a Sri Lankan community stifled my ability to speak freely of my life. Thus the focus on more public matters such as politics in my recent posts. However, even politics is shifty business in Sri Lanka therefore, the removal of my registration at Kottu has now enabled me to be more open, less censored about my views. Be it on any subject ranging from life to love to politics to credit crisis.

As I read the entries in my blog over the past three years, I feel a sense of accomplishment and pride. I have been through a number of experiences and documenting them on this blog as was my purpose when I first started blogging, has made them all the more precious. I am able to relive those times in my life and appreciate my current life more as well as understand that what doesn't kill you, really does make you stronger.

For approximately the past two years, I have been happy. I have not been lonely. I have been alone but not lonely. That is a significant achievement for someone like me, who has had loneliness as their friend continuously since she was 18. I owe thanks to my boyfriend for this great feat. Living out of a suitcase since I turned 21 , moving from job to job, wrong relationship to wrong relationship, city to city had been exhausting. But since I have been with him, life has been one continuous smooth moment. 

The worst of times does not feel as bad as they would have had I been alone. Staying home and not speaking to a single soul all day still does not feel as bad when you know someone out there will enquire about you and make sure you communicate with them. Someone who loves you no matter how terrible your moodswings, your anger, your temper tantrums are is a blessing that perhaps I am not worthy of. I am grateful for each moment I have spent with him and I will continue to be grateful. 

This has been said by others before, but this is the one time that I truly mean it, if I had to do it all over again just to meet you... I'd not hesitate once. 

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