Friday, April 21, 2006

Carry on Loneliness

One of the issues that I have been facing recently (or maybe for a longer time, I've no idea) is that of loneliness. Even when surrounded by people. And no, Im not psychotic. Since I live in a country away from home, I may feel it slightly stronger than some others. But then everyone fights their own battles so I can't assume anything.

Back home, I come from a big group of friends - we always had a system of three best friends each and then the masses of people that come along with such a network. I had my parents and my aunts and cousins always there for comfort or to just sit around with. Then, as life progressed and we all washed away to our respective shores, I found this system slowly dwindling. Life took over and we all changed our attitudes (or perhaps we just grew up) and also grew apart. So now, when I go back home for holidays instead of the 20+ of us who used to hang out, I'm hard pressed to find 3. This is not just me either; everyone feels the same. Maybe it is because we are reluctant to keep company with people we can't relate to too much (time constraints and what not) and thereby we deplete the pool of people to hang out with. Family is still around but as cousins have gone away leading thier own lives having their own children, I find the parents (including my own) all caught up in their own soiree of loneliness. My parent's friends are equally lonely and hope for answers in distant shores. These are the associated problems with braindrains.

So when I come back here, I have my responsibilities, my work, my dreams, my thoughts as so do all my other friends. We can meet and chat and have fun but at the end, we go home alone. Some of us are so innately affected by our work that personalities have begun to change. There's this innate sense of unsatisfaction with life that's eating away at some people.

It just compels you to ask, the old traditional model of a family is no longer the standard. Parents are elsewhere, children are elsewhere. At times, you're family becomes you're friends. And at times, you're family is just you. So what is the new model that we are forming for future generations?

The answer to loneliness is perhaps to accept that we are alone. Someone told me this last year. We can't change that - we are alone. We have friends and family but they are seperate beings. And we must accept this. And from this, we can derive satisfaction and no longer waste our energy in trying so hard not to be alone.

To conclude with, I think this line in the Tegan & Sara song 'Don't Confess' sums it up perfectly- 'I'm not alone; I'm just on my own'


Blu~ said...

I have wandered through life alone this time and probably before that as well...I want to be that way I guess...I t just seems easier to not have the worry and the despair of when you become alone and just accept that is the way it is...

I like that verse...I'm not alone, just on my own...


jetblossom said...

hi rane, I was remembering in 'Life of Pi' how Pi started to create a life around him when he was all alone for so long. Do you think that's what we're all trying to do too?

Rane said...

blu, yeah im realising that as well. more often than not when im here i ve begun to enjoy my own company a lot more! still aint the same as having a home cooked meal by mum!

julie, yeah perhaps and with travel becoming increasingly cheaper, we tend to leave what we are used to and travel to see if somewhere else might be just a little less lonely. or maybe thats just me!