Ramblings of A mind

First Indian revelation

2011-07-21T04:28:00.000-07:00

I haven't written a post in SO long. I think the more free time I have, the more I post. As is normal. And I'm one of those people who has to have a burning desire to speak out on a topic before I can post. And when I work or study, I am disengaged from the outside world for the most part, and do not have that yearning. But here I am back again, waiting to hear about a possible job opportunity from my previous employer and whilst I wait - I can write.

I recently visited India on my way back to Colombo, and spent time in Mumbai and Trivandrum for the first time in my life. After reading the book, Shantaram, I felt this yearning to go to Mumbai. However, little did my anglocised mind realise that I will definitely run away from all things to do with dust, dirt, heat and chaos when there. Which meant my senses reeled whilst I was there. But two things I did notice.

In Trivandrum, due to the lack of taxis, we resorted to take trishaws around the dusty city. Kerala for the most part, is identical to Sri Lanka - its environment, its climate - makes you wonder whether you are in rural Sri Lanka. Anyone who visits Kerala will be hard pressed to argue that Sri Lanka was never a part of India. As Jaffna resembles the landscape of Tamil Nadu, Kerala represents the landscape of North West Sri Lanka.

But one thing is different. The people. I will illustrate my point via an incident. Anyone who has previously visited India would know that driving there is the equivalence of committing road suicide. Cars, Vans, Buses, Trishaws, Motorcyclists, Cyclists, Pedestrians, Cows, Dogs and Rats all claim rights to the roads. Traffic moves diagonally on three parallel lane roads. If you see a space, you must steer your vehicle towards it. Doesn't matter if its diagonally opposite to the direction you wish to travel in. All space must be utilised.

Anyone who drives on Duplication Road or Galle Road at rush hour will probably feel similarly. Trishaw drivers swerve to the left or the right with no care about the passing vehicle. If you look at a Sri Lankan motorists expression whilst they are on the road, it is of irritation or anger. Road rage rules here.

In an equally bad or even worse traffic jam in India, one looks at the motorists faces and they are not perturbed. They rely on tooting the horn but rarely are there shouts or claims of vengeance made. My trishaw driver whilst attempting to steer us through a horrific traffic jam, spotted an open space to the north west of his current position. Next to us, (2 inches away) there was a motorcyclist - whose second passenger had rested his feet on the ground whilst the cycle was not in motion. Sitting in the back, I noticed this man's foot 2 inches away from the trishaw tyre. I also noticed that to get to the open spot, the trishaw driver must pass even closer to the motor cycle. I began to worry - in my experience in my country, no one gives a damn who they hurt to get to where they need to go. Mostly, they'll only care if their vehicle gets damaged.

As I watched on anxiously, the trishaw driver slowly inched the vehicle forwards, looked down to see if anything was going to hit him and then noticed his fellow Indian's foot lying in the way of inching a few yards forward. And manoeuvered the vehicle away from causing any harm.

It's not much. And I probably haven't put across the poignancy of the moment. But it showed that a billion Indians are able to live together in close proximity together because they have a mind that registers fellow human beings. They are able to ram cars across roads and hurtle 20 km/h on congested city roads, because under their nonchalant exterior, they respect their countrymen. They rarely hurl insults out of windows although there's plenty reasons to do so. Most vehicles carry a statue of their respective God at the dashboard.

This divine presence on the dashboard is not a mock display of spirituality or a method to advertise their religion - I believe India is what it is for its secularity. Its ability to tolerate other religions, tolerate so many human beings cramped together, tolerate proximity, not just for the sake of tolerance but also because of a sense of humanity.

Maybe their belief in so many versions of God makes these Indians more humane and maybe, keeps them sane.

Catch up 2010

2010-12-19T02:04:00.001-08:00

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

Travelled to a lot of new places, became absolutely fixated with being by myself (and not in a relationship) and joined the best firm in the world :)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nope, thank God <--- thank god again

5. What countries did you visit? Sri Lanka, England, US, Germany, Netherlands, France, Wales, Switzerland

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? A full time job offer, but everything else can stay the same

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The day I got a call saying I got the placement offer. o.m.g.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finishing my masters at my dream uni, getting a job at my dream employer, having some amazing friends around me.

9. What was your biggest failure? Losing my relationship

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing significant

11. What was the best thing you bought? An ipad for mum, those fantastic trips abroad

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My mum, my friends,

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? mine, my ex.

14. Where did most of your money go? uni fees, travel tickets, hotel, food, partying, clothes

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my job offer!!!! every work week ending!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010? dont stop believing - journey

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

I. happier or sadder? Happier.

II. thinner or fatter? thinner - thank god

III richer or poorer? richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? not being so caught up on doors closing, working a bit more harder

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? complaining ;)

22. Did you fall in love in 2010? yes

23. How many one-night stands? no comment

24. What was your favorite TV program? Grey's anatomy <--- 3rd year running, gossip girl, how i met your mother, DH

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Probably not. More disappointed in certain people, proud of a whole bunch of other people!

26. What was the best book you read? Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Stuck to my old tastes and developed a liking of pop

28. What did you want and get? keep the old friends, make some fantastic new ones, passed all exams, my offer.

29. What did you want and not get? someone to make an effort for me

30. What was your favorite film of this year? how to train a dragon, HP7

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 26, had a small party and dinner

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Cant ask for anything more than what I received <--- Amen

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? As always, comfortable yet trendy.

34. What kept you sane? Faith in God, Mum and a Few Good Mates

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Sanath Jayasuriya :P <-- as always

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the sri lankan presidential elections.

37. Who did you miss? My ex, my mum wen i was livin away from her n my friends from home

38. Who was the best new person you met? the MBAs

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010: I#ll be okay :)

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: All I can commit to is maybe

Very late catch up for 2009

2010-07-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
- Finally got accepted to the university Ive been wanting to goto since I was 15! Travelled a lot, was a bridesmaid!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No but will make the same one this year, To go the gym religiously and get myself toned up! <--- thats from two years ago but I HAVE been very good this year so far.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nope, thank God <--- thank god again

5. What countries did you visit? Sri Lanka, India, England, Spain, Malaysia

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? 2009 was pretty great. less drama would be good too.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The day the war finished. for a variety of reasons

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? passing level 1 cfa, getting into the uni of my dreams!

9. What was your biggest failure? Losing my relationship

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing significant

11. What was the best thing you bought? my bberry, my new laptop, some awesome clothes, and some fantastic trips

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My mum, my friends,

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? mine mostly.

14. Where did most of your money go? uni fees, travel tickets, hotel, food, partying, etc

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? going to uni!!!!!!!!!!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? dont stop believing - journey

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

I. happier or sadder? Happier.

II. thinner or fatter? thinner - thank god

III richer or poorer? poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? thinking decisions through a lil better, getting less drunk on occasions

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? CRIBBING <---- 3rd time nominee

22. Did you fall in love in 2009? no

23. How many one-night stands? None!

24. What was your favorite TV program? Grey's anatomy <--- 3rd year running, gossip girl!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Probably not. More disappointed in certain people, proud of a whole bunch of other people!

26. What was the best book you read? Road to Elephant Pass

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Stuck to my old tastes

28. What did you want and get? keep the old friends, make some fantastic new ones, passed all exams, my offer.

29. What did you want and not get? someone to make an effort for me

30. What was your favorite film of this year? wolvering and some others but now forgotten

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 25, had a small party and dinner

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Cant ask for anything more than what I received <--- Amen

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? As always, comfortable yet trendy.

34. What kept you sane? Faith in God, Mum and a Few Good Mates

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Sanath Jayasuriya :P <-- as always

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the terrible way the war ended

37. Who did you miss? My bf :( when I was living away from him, my mum wen i was livin away from her

38. Who was the best new person you met? the uni lot. fantastic!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009: The great unknown really isnt that scary

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: hold on to that feeeling

Please Sri Lanka, No More. Take a Stand.

2010-01-25T11:11:00.000-08:00

On the eve of the Presidential Elections 2010, I realised no matter how busy my schedule I must return to my blog to write this post. As a Sri Lankan studying abroad, I currently have no way to exercise my vote however as a Sri Lankan - I have to do my part to assist even one person in making the right choice at this Election.

Anyone who has read my blog or looks through the archives knows well my position for this elections. I have never and nor ever will be a fan of MR. I have written a majority of the posts regarding the political situation in Sri Lanka from within Sri Lanka. However, now, writing from abroad I feel significantly less fear at the thought of speaking out - for what is right, what is democracy, what is constitutionally our rights. I do not wish to be labelled a UNP supporter or be embedded within pointless party politics. How can we, civilians, even begin with party politics when the politicians themselves in these parties have no sense of loyalty? Jumping hither thither like rabbits on a fiery ground?

As a nation, we have been through an immense volume of anguish, sorrow and fear. From a 27 year old war to a ridiculously destructive tsunami to levels of poverty that are inhumane. When MR first assumed power in 2005 it was amidst a scandal of extortion - who can forget the tsunami funds embezzled from Hambantota? Embezzlement ironically became a reigning theme in his Presidency over the next few years. We do not need a Royal Family. This incessant need to counteract the 'prestige' built up by the Bandaranaike family has made fools of the public. Brothers, Sons, and Cousins assume post over post - spend tax rupee after tax rupee - in an internal race to become the richest of the rich. We hear of the treasury being ransacked to zero. We hear of runaway fiscal policy. We tolerate.

The countless number of hours I have spent sitting in road blocks because a member of the Family is passing 3kms away from me is time I will not get back. Each time I am amazed by the patience of our people. Is this resignation to a fate where each government has simply taken from us but not given much back? People sit in their cars, stand outside talking to each other or to the army personnel guarding the road blocks till the time comes for the cars to whiz by with ambulances following (who's money pays for this convoy of 20 cars?) and then we get moving. This has happened as early as 8am or as late as 11pm. Before the war ended, the road closures were due to the Family and its consortium of sycophants being fearful of suicide bombers - yet how about those cars that wait at the closures? What if there was a suicide bomber amidst the masses gathered waiting for the roads to open so that they may end their long day and go home to their families? What about them? No one cares. So, we patiently wait. We tolerate.

What about dissent? What about Lasantha Wickrematunga and the countless number of media personnel harassed, abducted and murdered over the past 5 years? We have a right to dissent. I have a right to speak out without fear of white vans abducting me or a family member in the middle of the night. I have this right through a constitution that is upheld by the Supreme Court of our country. Yet when a politician decides he is above and beyond the constitution and instead promotes propaganda that he is Supreme King, we have a larger problem on our hands than ever previously encountered. Lasantha died for bringing us the truth. I have written about him before and it is IMPERATIVE that we remember him now. It is not enough that we stand there holding candles at a funeral. We must take a stand whenever we can. And this is the BEST time that has ever come about. We cannot tolerate.

You tell me MR ended the war. I ask you at what cost? The war vote, which I do not agree with, has thankfully been split. If we are going to take credit for the war - who deserves most of the credit? The politician drinking night after night in Colombo, entertaining his many guests using tax payer money, afraid to even travel on a road without army personnel guarding him, providing instructions from the safety of Colombo? Or the Army Commander who was present with his forces at any given moment at the heart of the battle? Yes, I don't agree with the war. But give me the man who was doing his job well any day over the corrupt, cowardly man who saw personal gain in taking the route that won him glory.

Many things are uncertain in life. Many things are uncertain with the crossroad we are at. But one thing is certain. Sri Lanka as it has existed over the past 62 years since Independence (even with its wars, its poverty, its issues), cannot exist ever again if it is to be pillaged and ransacked for the next 8 years the way it has been with the current administration. There is a limit to tolerance and patience. We will have no economy to speak of, no successful businesses left as profits and assets are seized at the whim of the Royal Family, no intelligent persons left to contend with the rulers that defy dissent. Yes, the Prabhakaran threat to our nation was over as of 2009. But what now plagues us is as dire to our future growth.

Please, do not tolerate. Please, take a stand. Please, vote intelligently. This is our last chance.

Sri Lankan Airlines - On the Hot Seat

2009-08-04T20:27:00.000-07:00

Family member (FM) and I decided to go on our annual trip to India last week. I searched around for a well priced ticket - Kingfisher was a tad expensive at USD184 return, India Express didn't fly to city B, we really didn't want to experience the splendour of Air India so we turned to our trusted Sri Lankan airlines. There had been much ado about this hot seats business and we were happy to learn that a return would cost us just LKR13,000.

Of course, I had no grand expectations about the flight experience having been a frequent flyer with the airline and seen firsthand its demise into a substandard carrier over the years. As written about in a previous post, my biggest complaint about the airline was the inhospitality of the crew, the inedible food and just the general demographic who fly the carrier (leading to excess noise and a somewhat marketplace environment). Anyway since it was just a 1 hour flight and not the usual 10 hour grind, I didn't have much of a problem in enduring this.

So FM and I packed our bags, hailed a taxi and went to the airport. There is now added security at the airport with some bus transfer business which sort of led me to question 'isn't the war meant to be over?'. Anyway, kudos to the security fellows for doing their job and luckily we didn't have to get on the (rather dirty) bus. Checked in proceeded smoothly, no longer were there the long queues of the past. The counters seemed blissfully empty. Although I don't think this is blissful for the Sri Lankan Airlines topline. Hung around the airport for the mandatory 1.5 hours, finally got the boarding pass torn and stood in line to the aircraft.

Enter the aircraft. It was one of those small fellows - A320 i think, the business class section looked as always quite comfortable. Got shoved into the cattle class, and imagine our suprise. No longer were there the (somewhat dirty) blue upholstery on the tiny seats. Instead, facing us were row upon row of red leathery plastic seat covers. FM says its what they use to cover hospital beds. I say it looks like a private bus.

Sat down - there was no cushion. I suffer from back pain however due to the absence of cushions, had to sit straight upright through the entire flight. Gone were the seat reclines. Gone were the little head resters. Gone were the leg rests. Oh did I mention, people had wrote on the seat covers (much like a bus)? Gone were the magazines and gone - a little alarmingly - were the safety precaution sheets, the vomit bag and the likes.

Here my friends lay a truly budget aircraft. The crew were as inhospitable as always. The stewardess who served us had no incling of a smile. The food was as terrible. In fact, any redeeming quality Sri Lankan airlines had - had brutally gone out the window. Freefalling towards airline hell at a steady 600 km/h.

Its sad to see something that we were once proud of fall from such great heights into such pitiful oblivion. But one thing for sure, with those red seat covers - those seats look definetely 'HOT'.

The Culture of Celebrity

2009-07-08T22:29:00.000-07:00

If it were not for the media would Princess Diana and Michael Jackson be alive today? What defined a celebrity before the current era of paparazzi? Does their existance do us, the people, more harm than good?

The answers to these questions neither come easy nor are simple. Princess Diana sped to her death away from who she perceived as paparazzi. The necessity to shield her private life away from the 'Sauron' like eye of the public whisked her directly into the open arms of death. Similarly, Michael Jackson's final years were plagued with negative publicity which is a certain cause of his fatal addiction to prescription drugs.

The often 'good cop, bad cop' routine played by the fickle media leaves the lives of these celebrities wide open to public autopsies. The constant acceptance and now the daily ritual of preying on celebrity has given birth to a host of new business models, including gossip websites. What happened to the era when celebrities were reverred for their talents and their on screen persona? Their private lives remained as such, private. People saw them at premieres or interviews or at award shows thus wrapping them in that alluring shroud of mystery. Whilst also allowing them the honor of privacy in their daily lives.

In this era, the declining readership of print newspapers induce the editors to obtain more 'readable' material from the paparazzi and the increasing popularity of the internet propels the disbursement of such material to a wider audience. Angelina Jolie, in an era gone by, would have been likened to Grace Kelly or Jackie O. However, we can now even obtain extensive analysis of the veins in her arms on certain days.

A similar paparazzi culture has given claim to a fame to a host of otherwise forgotten individuals. In the past, Lindsay Lohan would possibly not have any claim to fame - she would be a one hit wonder. Now, without a single good production in the pipeline and almost broke, she remains in the forefront of celebrity news for her junkie lifestyle. Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie and a host of others manipulated the glitz of their families to obtain the focus of these cameras. It is difficult to respect and adore the art of these artistes when you have seen their underwear. What art can most of these celebrities speak of? Celebrities for the most part used to comprise of artistes. This is no longer the phenomenon.

Although an ardent fan of MJ's music, I never looked at nor paid attention to the paparazzi spin of his life that was potrayed by the media for the past few years. Thus I was able to retain the magic that his art cast on my life since childhood. This retention and this pure adoration for an artiste's work and for the gifts he had given us, is what makes it difficult for me to accept his sudden demise. I also believe this is what makes MJ the last true celebrity. Someone adored all over the world, not for the news they generated on one day by wearing a certain type of clothing but for their art - which in the end is what will remain for years to come.

It is a shame to see that people who have brought moments of peace to our lives through their work in movies or music, are now subjugated to our constant analysis and ridicule. If this brings about a phenomenon that we no longer see good pieces of art or music that has soul, it is as much our fault (for feeding the paparazzi the fuel to satisfy our thirst for celebrity gossip) as much as anyone elses.

Heaven Exists..

2009-07-07T09:11:00.000-07:00

I really hope so.

Just so that Michael Jackson can look down on today on the world and see how much he was loved. If he didn't know it whilst alive, I pray he sees it now.

R.I.P. MJ

Another Day Is Gone...

2009-07-06T08:33:00.000-07:00

So I've read most of the available news channels (that I'm interested in), looked at the gossip sites, searched for more interesting jobs, looked up my college application a little bit more and now I'm a tad bored. The boyfriend is missing since he's got visitors and I'm left to my own devices.

So maybe I'll start a poll. Who else is terribly bored?

In Death, He Is Bigger Than Life

2009-07-02T00:02:00.000-07:00

Over the past few days, I have spent a lot of time listening to MJ's songs, watching his videos, reading about him. The last time I must have been this focussed on him was probably when I was 9 or 10. One thing is certain, the more I listen and the more I see, the more of my childhood I remember. And I believe this is the reason that Michael Jackson will be legendary, he is part of our childhood. We feel his loss stronger than other generations as it feels as if this is the death of our childhood. And he will live forever because he is so connected to so many of us in a way that has never occured for later generations.

I was reading the Wikipedia entry on MJ yesterday, and suddenly I remembered! In 1986 (I was 2), there was a 3D 'cinema' (more like a tiny tent) at Sathutu Uyana. The first and last time I ever went to Sathutu Uyana was to watch a movie in this 3D cinema. I remember quite vividly Michael Jackson flying out of the screen at me, and me being petrified and crying and my parents having to leave the cinema. Up till this day, when I drive past that part of the park, I look at it and remember this occasion. The Wikipedia entry made it clear - the movie I was so frightened by was 'Captain EO' - MJ's 3D movie venture which somehow found its way to little Sathutu Uyana in Sri Lanka. So my earliest memory of MJ was when I was 2.

We have moved houses several times since I was 10, so most of my things are packed up in boxes. When I googled the album covers of Bad and Dangerous, I realised not only did I own these albums but I had the biggest poster of Bad (above picture) in my room, when I was 7 or 8. And it was this picture that was my first crush. Looking back at all his 'looks', I believe MJ was at his most 'stud'liest then. I remember arguing with my mother when I was around the same age, that Michael Jackson is and forever will be the 'King of Pop' as Elvis was the 'King of Rock and Roll'. Somehow this tag was less from studying of musical theory but more from wanting to create a musical kingdom where Madonna, incidentally was classified as my 'Queen of Pop'.

When I was around 9, I remember expressing to a friend who was older than me that I was in love with MJ and she telling me that he was around 30 years older to me. And soon afterwards, I remember being heartbroken as he married Lisa Marie Preistley.

Back in the day, we did not have cable nor internet. MTV and VH1 was something watched during summer holidays abroad. My mother had the great intellect to videorecord tapes of MTV UK for me so that I could watch (the same videos repeatedly) once I return to Sri Lanka. So in these videos that I watched for countless hours in my childhood was 'Thriller' (I was scared of that one and chose many a times to fast forward through the zombies), 'They Don't Really Care About Us' (I banged the table with much gusto), 'Black or White' (Very cool those changing faces), 'Remember the Time' (the Queen is so beautiful!), 'The Way You Make Me Feel' (what was he doing?!) and several others. Re-watching them now brings back memories of my old house, my old tv room, and the innocence of that time.

My friendships when I moved to a new school were cultivated through the similar tastes in music. We all loved Michael Jackson, for many of us he was our first crush. The boys loved him more than the girls did, but I loved him as much as the boys did so there! a connection to make friends with these smelly creatures. That have cooties. We danced to his songs at parties, I danced to his songs at home, I belted out 'You Are Not Alone' for the neighbours to complain. The 'Earth Song' brought tears to my now teenage eyes.

I moved to university and 'Billie Jean' was the craze, even after all those years. The number of nights, we rocked the dance floor to this song. With the wrong guy after the wrong drink. Driving in the car with an ex, 'Liberian Girl' plays on his CD player and he mentions how it reminds him of me. (I don't know why but hey so gullible!). Watched the Martin Bashir interviews whilst at university, tuning in without fail for the first and second installments and seethed with anger at Bashir for making a mockery of MJ.

NEVER for ONCE believe MJ did anything dispicable and wrong as he was accused of.

Yes, there are times - many a times - in my childhood and whilst growing up, that Michael Jackson returned to the background. As more hip and better looking artistes appealed to our growing levels of hormones. Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys replaced Michael Jackson's Bad poster. Walkman played songs of Britney Spears or Boyzone. Yes, there were people who imitated MJ, who loved him WAY more than I did but that does not mean I loved him any less. As harsh as it sounds, if my teen idol Nick Carter were to drop dead tomorrow, I doubt I'd shed a tear. (Yes, thats harsh but its true.)

But Michael Jackson remained, time and time again he returned to the forefront of my life, and never once left it. My tears over the past few days are for him. Who marked my life's many occasions with his presence, allowed me to understand and truly love music, allowed me the opportunity to create links with others through our mutual love of him, allowed me to enjoy my best nights dancing to his music. My tears are for the icon that made my life so beautiful with his creativity.

And, ironically, I know I am not alone in these feelings. I just wish Michael was alive to see how much we loved him. And that we only failed to show it whilst he was alive simply because thats our human way. We fail to show the people in our lives everyday how much we love them, so how was it easier to show him - who was going through trials and tribulations so many miles away. However, I know that his last concert bookings would have shown him. That no matter what the press through at him, what the money mongering heathens accused him of, the fact that 10 concert dates were increased to 50 FULLY SOLD OUT concert dates meant that his fans still ADORED him.

Your life made our lives beautiful.

You will live forever in our memories and hearts.

Rest in Peace.

IMMORTAL

2009-06-25T21:19:00.001-07:00

He will live forever.

His life was conflicted. His music was greatness. He is a legend. And his memory will live on.

Michael Jackson was my first love. His music was what captured my 7 year old heart. His dance style echoed in my brain.

I loved him no matter what the scandal. what the gossip. what the interview. what crazy behaviour.

I am glad I lived during his time.

May he rest in peace.

Viva La Vida

2009-06-09T10:07:00.000-07:00

Who else thinks that some people in our country should listen to the lyrics of this song? It captures the transience of power beautifully.

I've included the lyrics below

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world
(Ohhh)

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
(Ohhhhh Ohhh Ohhh)

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

A journey - from 2006 to 2009

2009-06-03T03:23:00.001-07:00

It's been over three years since I've begun this blog and close to 100 posts. And I'm glad I started it.

I first started blogging out of curiousity. Also, I found that all that time I spent on the tube and wandering around London, I had a lot of time to think and all these things were happening in my life and I needed to make sense of it all. What I find when looking back is the majority of my posts during this time have been about occurrances in my life. What I have felt, what I have done, my hopes, my dreams - yes, as idealistic as it sounds.

Then I left London and slowly my posts started to be more observational of other things - be it politics, traditions and just generally life in Sri Lanka. Also key to this change is that less things have happened to me since I moved back. Life in Colombo is so easy and its where we grew up so there's nothing really big happening here. No life changing moves or people or ideas. Just everyday things. Also I think life just got easier. Less problems, more love in my life. So I had the time to look outside my usual self centric ideas and towards the open world.

The fact that I joined Kottu also changed my blogging course. As mentioned previously in a post about anonymity, I didn't want to include personal details of my life and have someone that may know me stumble on to this blog and realise that it is me. I guess for me anonymity really is valuable.

Reading through some of the entries from 2006 to now, I'm glad I had this blog to pen my thoughts. Else they would have disappeared into the abyss that is the human mind never to return. They prove to be a wonderful trip down memory lane and also a very important and necessary point from which to remember the bad things in the past so I am able to better appreciate my present fortunes.

My blog is my friend and it will help me remember my life for a long time to come.

To the Diaspora..

2009-05-25T02:02:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: Throughout this article who I refer to as members of Diaspora are the minority of extremists amongst them. I fully understand that there are moderate, equal minded people and I don't wish to offend them at all!

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I came across this comment made by an individual on the 23rd April 2009 dated article of the Economist titled 'Sri Lanka's war: To the bitter end'.

Muttiah wrote:

May 6, 2009 16:00

Dear Author,
Tamils are convinced already that the war against the Tigers is on behalf of all Sri Lankans, including Tamils.

However, reading some comments here substantiates how LTTE disappointed their global network of propagandists, financial donors who fuelled this misery, and specially those who funded this war with selfish expectations for major favours in their future Eelam.
Those who are fabricating stories and twisting the truth, should see for themselves, these safe heavens created for our very own brothers and sisters who have crossed the line with hope.
Despite their own financial problems, knowing that there is quite a number of ex-LTTE cadres who surrendered, Sri-Lankan civilians, mostly Sinhalese who have been the target of LTTE terrorism, keep collecting contributions for the Tamil refugees in North. But what have the expatriate pro-LTTE Tamils done for their own community?

My dear brothers,
We Tamils need to realize the truth that Eelam was just a mirage and that LTTE was the most horrible thing that ever happened to us. If you are enjoying a comfy life in west you will never realize, but if you come to Sri-Lanka and visit the IDP camps you will comprehend what our own Tamils in North & East went through with your treasured freedom fighters.
We dont need an Eelam. We are Tamils in Sri-Lanka, where great Tamils like Murali, Lakshman Kadiragamar and Dr.Neelan Thiruchelvam were born.

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I'm not Tamil, I'm Sinhalese. I'm not Hindu, I am Buddhist. I'm not living abroad, I live in Sri Lanka. But I am liberal minded. I believe in living equally with all ethnicities for I feel that this whole argument is so pointless. We are only different by which language we learnt to speak from birth. Nothing else. To quote a notable quote 'when we are cut, we all bleed'. Out of all the people I know in Sri Lanka of my age, I can only name one person who I see as an extremist. And I don't particularly care much for that person.

As per my previous post, as someone who has lived in this country, I have witnessed a lot. As people of this country, our population has been through a LOT. They have ALL felt fear. They have ALL felt anger. and they have ALL felt sympathy.

As the author in the above comment states, people in the South and notably Colombo (I am just extrapolating this to the other parts of the country) are doing everything in their power to collect food, clothing, medicines and other essential items to send to the persons in the North. Until I read this statement from Mr. Muttiah it didn't strike me that we were Sinhalese sending things to Tamils. I just don't process things like that. And I'm sure a majority of the Sri Lankans I know, who were born and bred in Sri Lanka, don't think of things like that either.

This is why, when I went to uni in London, and I met this girl who was Sri Lankan but bred in London and she asked me 'Are you Sinhalese or Tamil?', I was actually offended. Not to mention shocked. Thats sort of taboo where I come from. And ill-mannered. Needless to say, i got asked this a lot when I said I'm from Sri Lanka. Some foreigners even asked me whether I was a Tiger. I was like 'WHAT are you smoking?!' but wa-hey, they are foreigners, let them think what they want. Anyway, back to our expat Sri Lankans.

I can't help but feel that these Sri Lankan diaspora members - be they Sinhalese or Tamil - are living in the '80s. That can be the only reason why the Sinhalese members supported the war so vehemently in the face of so much anguish for Tamil civilians and the Tamil members are so angry that the LTTE was wiped out. Furthermore, some of the Tamil diaspora members behaving so vilely as to throw acid on innocent Sinhalese students in Australia - that is just despicable. When us, who are in Sri Lanka, who have lived through fear and terror and war for the past 26 years just want this 'nadagama' (shabang) to just STOP. Here are people, far away in the safety of their adopted nations, acting like vicious hooligans.

For what? I hear them ask for another uprising of the LTTE - I ask them, is your youth going to come to a country they barely know and they have barely visited and fight against an elected government? Or are you suggesting that the Tamil youth in Sri Lanka take up arms again for some sort of strange dream of yours? And WHY do you want Eelam so badly? So that you have some place to vacation? So that when things go badly in your adopted countries, you can still glorify the legitimate struggles of the people who actually stayed on here? And the Sinhalese members, please don't bring your outdated racism back into this game. It has no place here. I say, read the news, read our blogs, read our online newspapers (Sunday Leader is an ubiased view) and get to know the reality of this country as it is and teach your children that. Not what you experienced 30 years ago. Find the good in our people and do what you can from your much developed nations to enhance that.

You have a choice to support us, Sri Lankans, in going ahead and re-building this nation. But to stir up hate, draw boundaries, initiate terrorism -you really don't have a say in it.

A Sri Lanka Without War

2009-05-20T02:48:00.000-07:00

On Monday, when I first woke up and heard about the complete end to the war and cessation of fighting, I honestly did not know what to feel. In a population which erupted into a cry of joy, there were a few such as I, who remained quiet. I felt this victory was not ours on that day. It was that of the brave men and women who left their homes to fight a war that has never in 30 years been won.

Over the past couple of months, the war fervour had intensified in Colombo. Those that previously had no opinion, suddenly developed one and partitions were created between people who had never before had cause for argument due to this war.

I was born in 1984. Apparently, when the riots erupted in 1983, my mother was pregnant with me and she helped her Tamil neighbours seek refuge in 'our' house. Brave. I can't remember when I first heard of the L.T.T.E but I do remember one day we were driving somewhere, and on a wall some sentence was graffitied and it contained the word 'L.T.T.E'. This was as soon as I learned to read so for the first time I remember becoming aware that there was an E at the end of that 'word'. All that while I had called it L.T.T. To get an idea of the timeline, I believe the then Prime Minister Premadasa was speaking at a rally close by to that wall. So let's say 1988/89.

Which means my entire life, I have been aware of the LTTE.

I was approximately 9/10 years old when the Orugodawatte Oil Refinery LTTE attack took place. I vividly remember waking up in the middle of the night and facing an orange flaming sky. People were on the roads and I remember hearing of stories where people had run for their lives in the neighbouring areas. The next few days motorcyclists white shirts were black when it rained. Because it rained oil.

I was 9 years old when my mother and I went to the Book Exhibition and Sale near Independent Square on May 1st, 1993 and on our way home, there was a huge traffic and this gentleman stopped our car and told us to take another route home. Because a suicide cadre had just killed President Premadasa as he took part in the UNP May Day rally. Of course, there is still speculation as to who really committed that murder. But popular belief was the LTTE.

I was 11/12 when one day in school we heard a noise and thought that someone had dropped a massive aluminium sheet on to the ground (don't ask, we were young). Then we learnt that the Central Bank had been bombed by a truck laden with explosive driven by suicide LTTE cadres. My friend's father walked all the way to school to pick us up and made us walk back home because there was too much traffic to go by car. Over a 100 people died that day. I made it a habit to look at the obituary page in the newspaper every January 31st after that. But with time, even that practice was forgotten.

I was 15 when I got a call from a friend who said that as President Kumaratunga was leaving a rally (for the Presidential Elections in 1999) that a suicide bomber had exploded. The President was lucky enough to escape but lost an eye.

As part of the generation of war, this is just a handful of experiences I have had to live through in Sri Lanka over the past 26 years. With the passing of time, you become immune to hearing about deaths on tv. As a nation, we don't shout out in horror that there was a bomb on a bus that killed two people and injured 30 others. We have become apathetic. The LTTE has time and again invented new ways to overcome this apathy.

I was 23 when all our friends gathered together to watch the Cricket World Cup where after 11 years Sri Lanka was finally playing in a Final. The LTTE flies jets over the city and sparks off anti aircraft fire, power cuts, search lights heralding in a new era of fear. Since then the LTTE flew aircraft twice more over our city. The last time which was this year, we were on the road and had the closest experience to war that I have seen in my life.

Through all this, I have but suffered NOTHING compared to what some people who live in this country have suffered. I have merely seen the dead sprewn across streets, dismembered limbs sprawled across pavements. But these dead had families who must bear the sorrow of their loss regardless of whether the war is won or not.

So now, you tell me that the war is over and the LTTE is no more and question me as to why I cannot dance in the street? Because I am numb. I am rendered speechless and immovable. By the horrors that I have witnessed in this country over my entire lifetime, by the number of people who have died to bring us to this point and by the immense task we have ahead of us to ensure that my children do not grow up to realise that LTT has an E at the end.

Bittersweet

2009-05-18T07:53:00.000-07:00

Sounds of crackers erupted around Colombo this afternoon at around 1:45pm. Since I didn't have a dailymirror alert on my phone, I wasn't entirely sure what was going on (although I knew that the 'war was over') but later I realised this marked the end of the war and the declaration that the entire country is now under the control of the Sri Lankan government.

Readers of this blog would know that I was not a supporter of the military effort. Simply due to the fact that I did not believe that the humanitarian catastrophe would be worth the end result. The lighting of crackers in Colombo is not only reeks of lack of consideration towards the sufferings of the people who actually directly suffered in the war but it cries out injustice.

Humility is required at this point in time. In knowing that, the Tamil people who were treated as second class citizens in their own country should not be allowed to feel that way again. When we (who sometimes forgot their was a war going on in this country whilst we drank champagne and hobnobbed with socialites late into the nights) scream out jubilations about how relieved we are that the country is finally free, should realise how ridiculous this may seem to the 300,000 IDPs not very far from us.

We should ensure that our 'celebrations' do not trample on their sorrows. We should ensure they do not feel that they endured the hell that was the no fire zone just so that people in the South can dance on the street. This victory is as much theirs as it is ours. If not more so. We should gather together to convince our government that the victory in the war is only half the battle won. That we need it to complete its mandate fully - provide the Tamil citizens in this country their rights to live as first class citizens. If the LTTE is truly banished, there should be no need to hold these IDPs away from their homes and in famine conditions (that the government even with the best of intentions may not be able to support due to the sheer size of the requirement).

By the lighting of crackers and hoisting of the National Flag, we should not allow anyone to forget the true casualties of this war. The people who suffered its consequences directly on a daily basis. This includes the armed forces, the families of the armed forces and the IDPs).

You and I played no active part in this battle. Therefore, it is more important than ever that we now take up our responsibility as seriously as the armed forces took theirs. Let none of the thousands of lives that were lost and scarred over the past 3 decades have been in vain. Let us not forget to do our bit for this country. And then together, we can all proclaim the beginning of One Sri Lanka.

Not yet.

I've become a Squid

2009-05-16T08:33:00.000-07:00

Squidoo - Why is this thing not more popular?? Its fantastic!! Its loadsa fun and its like one big community of information!

I've started making lenses (mini blogs about a specific theme) and the beauty of it is, is that it can be as long or as short as you want. AND IT MAKES YOU MONEY. apparently. I haven't really received anything yet but I just started today. I'm gonna try find how to link up this and that but for now my Squidoo links are:

www.squidoo.com/srilankantravel

and

www.squidoo.com/studentlifelondon

and

www.squidoo.com/10bestrestaurantssrilanka

As you can see, its pretty simple, ease of use and links up with ebay, Amazon, Cafepress and adsense to connect ads/products with your ideas. I'm not entirely sure how one makes money but I guess I'll have to read up on that. Oh and also, you can either take the money yourself or donate to charity. Which is also pretty noble.

Much fun!

Dissent

2009-05-09T06:56:00.001-07:00

There are so many wide ranging views on the war effort, the IDP situation, the international community, Diaspora and Sri Lanka around the world and within the tiny island that you may call it information overload. From bloggers to NYTimes the issues are discussed, from Arvind Adiga to Channel 4 opinions are aired, the whole situation is controversial and as it involves so many parties, it is bound to be opinioniated.

I find the mirades of articles interesting. Enlightening. I enjoy the varying opinions. Finally however, what is of concern to me is the immeasurable grief that is being experienced by so many Sri Lankans who are DIRECTLY affected by this war. Therefore, as someone who does not think a military solution is the ultimate solution, I feel nothing but pain to all those people who are suffering right now.

The brave young men and women who enroll in the army, whose deaths we do not mourn on a name by name basis. Their parents and loved ones who wait listlessly till they see or hear from them again. The loved ones of the innumberable missing persons. Both in the military and civilian population. The IDPs whose loved ones have died in front of them, who have lost their dignity and are now living as paupers in what is meant to be their country. The journalists and other emboldened souls who strive to tell us the truth on a daily basis yet do not sleep soundly at night worrying what lay in store for them.

When I was living abroad, I always enjoyed the thought of home. I could endure the hardships of a foreign existance knowing full well that its solely upto me when I go home and put an end to the misery of being an immigrant per se. I always knew that wherever I go that there is a place that I belong, that I can return to and live with dignity. And that was Sri Lanka.

This Sri Lanka that affords me a life of dignity and considerable luxury, does not offer the same for these persons. That pains me. The Sri Lanka where I can enjoy a wide range of delicacies does not afford these persons three meals a day on most occassions. The Sri Lanka that waves me through checkpoints after a smile and a greeting does not allow these persons to pass through without checking every single item in their bags.

I always believed that an end to this crisis will occur once the current generation dies. That us, the younger generation, will lead the way to a better Sri Lanka. That we will understand the issues that plagued each of the ethnicities and work towards eliminating each of these issues in a responsible manner. However, now, I see that even my views which are nothing but moderate, sometimes causes worry and anger in others of my own age. Or maybe younger than me.

The solid Sinhala Buddhist mentality (which thankfully has evaded me) is present in a number of persons in Sri Lanka. This mentality is only further emboldened by the victory on the war front. Thus these persons feel that every issue that Sri Lanka currently faces is secondary to the war against the LTTE. And winning that war will automatically place us in a position to fix everyone else's smaller less important problems. And that we should not speak of anything else that is wrong in this country and nor should anyone in the international community for it is unpatriotic.

No. It is not unpatriotic. It is realistic. Winning the war will not assist these people regain what they lost. Furthermore, the more they lose, the higher the chance that Sri Lanka will be embroiled in war again and again till perhaps global warming takes charge and we all drown.

For that matter, the diaspora and the Indian politicians who are screaming for a seperate state and the survival of the LTTE are equally as opposed to the 'righteous middle path' as the Sinhala extremists. Our country is too small to have two seperate states. We can travel from Jaffna to Dondra Point in around 24 hours. We will be stepping on each others toes. So why step on toes when we can just live peacefully? Maybe my views are too idealistic.Either way, I have the right to air my opinion.

Therefore, convince your friends to allow dissent. Your parents that dissent is important. Lets convince that others views are as viable as our own. That this war is not about you and me who have internet access and sit in our comfortable homes but more about the people who are suffering by being directly involved in this war.

How Tired Must They Be?

2009-05-04T22:32:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired. Mentally exhausted. Everywhere I turn there is talk of biased opinions, unbiased opinions, intolerance of dissent, attacks, shellings, no-heavy equipment, heavy artillery fire, deaths, camps, loss of loved ones, disappearances, displaced displaced displaced.

We have the Tamil Diaspora holding placards and waving the LTTE flag and screaming for their adopted governments to save their 'motherland' from its impending death, we have the Sinhalese extremists/not so extremists high on the fumes of victory yelling the importance of sovereignity, we have the international community making random appeals with no significant actions being taken to show they mean business, we have the LTTE on the brink of being crushed hollering about their need for negotiations, we have Jayalalitha in India attempting to be the next Big P, we have India using the Sri Lankan cause to get ahead in the elections, we have the ruling Big Rs drunk on the victory in the war and elections and knowing they face no opposition in crushing dissent and we have the opposition, probably knitting at home, since they are doing f*** in the public arena!

IT IS EXHAUSTING. When all I can see are the dastardly unfortunate civilians (approx 200,000 persons) ripped out of their homes, being trapped with the sounds and sights of war all around them, without a bite to eat, water to drink, injured, loved ones dead, wading through neck deep water, in camps with only a bundle of clothes to call their own and to remind them that they once used to have lives that were not used to further the cause of some egotistic maniac in the North or the South.

We are doing a LOT in Colombo. We're making donations, we're collecting goods, we're obtaining permissions to transport them up to the camps. Even then, these goods may not get to those people! There are stories emerging now that the goods we send to the North are being used to create a blackmarket within the camps. With a kilo of sugar selling for 800 rs! A low income worker in the South will not be able to afford a kilo of sugar for 800 rs how are these people who are at the mercy of one fraction or another expected to fork out these exorbitant sums for what is rightly theirs???

There is something so innately wrong in the Sri Lankan psyche. Be you Tamil or Sinhalese, a local or a part of the diaspora. It can only be the consequence of 26 years of war and at least 62 years of insecurities amongst ethnicities.

Else how does a Tamil Diaspora that left this country on average 25 years to go, with children who have never visited this country, now be proclaiming genocide when a terrorist organisation is being crushed militarily. Why do they not question the hostage situation in the North with their own people living the lives of the wretched? Why are they not doing more to get the international communities to provide donations so that food and shelter can be provided for the floods of people coming out of the LTTE held area to the SLA protection? Why are they not calling for the govt to provide equal rights to these people now that they have shown that they trust the govt more than the LTTE? Why cannot the Diaspora realise that it is not them who are living comparatively luxurious existences in the countries they dispersed to all those years ago who really have a say in what happens to the LTTE, but it is the people of the North who spend every day living (and dying) under the conditions of the LTTE that must have the last say?

How does a Sinhalese community have this much insecurity bred into their psyche? Its not difficult for us in the South to realise that minorities are not a threat to us. In fact, we must engage and force the govt to provide equal rights to these people so that they can live their lives with as much dignity as we have been able to live over these past few decades. Furthermore, it is pivotal that we realise the importance of the presence of an unbiased party in the camps to ensure that the IDP's are allowed access to the donations that come to them. This cannot be another 'tsunami relief effort'. The govt should allow for dissent, freedom of speech, freedom of press. They have won the war. They have in effect showed the doubters that it could be done (albeit with a level of force that was otherwise unimagineable). Now they can take this time to turn the doubters into supporters. By being more democratic. There is nothing wrong with democracy. Why fear democracy? Why fear freedom of speech? Great leaders are bred not through dictatorships but of mutual trust and respect. The Sinhalese as a people, must ensure that they are open to dissent. Opinions will be aired especially in times like these. If we are unable to tolerate dissent ourselves, we are feeding the govt the power it needs to crush dissent.

International community? Get your act together. Provide support. Understand the issues. Yes, the international community is necessary. Without it, the government is accountable to no-one. With it also it seems the govt is accountable to noone. Soveriegnity will not be encroached upon just because someone tells you something you are doing is wrong. The figures the UN projected for the trapped civilians is more or less correct as is now proved. The satellite images show that there has been shellings. Without these things, we will never know what is going on up north. However, they must speak with reason. Yes the trapped civilians must be released. The international community must exercise pressure on the LTTE to release these civilians. It is not the army that build the earth bunds. The govt cannot shut itself out from the international community. Not when our economy is shattering in front of our eyes. Thus diplomacy must still be the key.

Jayalalitha should stop making mentally imbalanced comments in public in an effort to win an election. Politicians as a whole should stop using the plight of the people and their poverty to further thier selfish causes. Our opposition needs to wake up from its slumber. When the whole world is awake with cries regardign the North, the UNP sleeps. Or bickers amongst themselves. NOW is not the time for pettiness. Now is not the time for yourselves. Now is the time to be the Opposition. Point out the issues, petition the govt, lobby the masses, show the country what is happening, build networks in the grassroots, start helping the people to recognise their own insecurities and alleviate those issues in attempt to build for a better Sri Lanka.

The Rajapakse government has completed the first phase of their mandate. To win the war. The second step, what happens to the North now, relies on the next step each one of these parties make. I can only hope that they remember the people. The people we have lost. The people that are lost. The people that have lost. And not themselves when it comes to making that next step.

Ah... foresight?

2009-04-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

I rememeber reading the news, reading the books, reading and reading and feeling this fear about what is going on in this world?! Thus, in May 2008, I wrote the following post:

http://ramblingsmind.blogspot.com/2008/05/2008-year-of-crisis.html

It went by and large unnoticed, as would this, but reading back I feel that (ever so modestly) I was right. It did have to stop. We had to re-assess our priorities as nations and economies. I did not expect it to be as strong as the response that actually did occur however why did no-one in a place far higher and more powerful than I, not notice this?

I speak of 'experts' forecasting the price of oil to hit $200 a barrel by end of 2008? It barely hit $50! So are they really 'experts'? Half the great books out there are right now redundant. The World is Flat by Thomas Friedman - the world isn't flat. It is very much rounded, especially when self-interest gets in the way. China killed the Coke-Hyuiyuan deal not because globalisation is such a profound force, but because self interest overpowers all that.

The Buy American policy that may be present in the newly passed legislation this year? Again, far away from globalisation as it can get. We are all retreating into our respective shells and protectionism is the new word of the day. So the books will be written about that.

We consumed and we consumed. There was no lack of supply for oil yet the price rose and rose until boom! it crashed. We took loans out, we used credit cards, we bought a car, we bought a house, we bought another car, we bought clothes, we dined at fancy restaurants, we became obese, we bought more clothes, we incurred credit card debt, we bought that LCD tv - yes, we consumed and consumed. Now, we don't have a job, we can't pay our debt, our home is under foreclosure and we are pretty much stuffed! At least we won't die of malnutrition whilst that walk to the dole office makes us burn the 80 kgs of extra fat we had accumulated.

I mean really?!, as a people, is this what we are proud of? There's a fundamental flaw in this system and that is greed. We want more, we find ways to make more money, to buy more things and that is never enough. Till this fundamental cornerstone of our being changes, there will be many expansions and contractions of our economies. For once again, the belts that are now being tightened, will beg to be loosened.

A Small Note to Remember a Great Man

2009-04-18T06:39:00.000-07:00

Tissa Abeyesekera, a leading artiste in Sri Lanka passed away today after being admitted for surgery to Colombo General Hospital this week.

Words fail me. I have known of him since I was young. I have met him many a times at dinners and lunches. I have answered the phone when he had phoned to speak to my parents. Thus I don't write of him as an ardent fan. But merely as someone I had the priviledge to know.

He will be greatly missed by his closest friends. His voice will remain etched in our hearts as we hear repeatedly the countless documentaries for which he has done the voice over. That authoratitive voice, injecting into the listener the gravity of any situation.

His movies will work as a memory of his brilliance. His creativity.

It is a great loss to us. That we are no longer able to hear one more word uttered in that magnificent voice or listen to a story formulated by that genius of a mind.

May he rest in peace.

Reprise from the Land of the Lonely

2009-04-03T10:43:00.000-07:00

I have removed myself from the blog aggregator 'Kottu'. As great as being a part of the Kottu community was, the current situation in Sri Lanka and the lack of anonymity associated with being part of a Sri Lankan community stifled my ability to speak freely of my life. Thus the focus on more public matters such as politics in my recent posts. However, even politics is shifty business in Sri Lanka therefore, the removal of my registration at Kottu has now enabled me to be more open, less censored about my views. Be it on any subject ranging from life to love to politics to credit crisis.

As I read the entries in my blog over the past three years, I feel a sense of accomplishment and pride. I have been through a number of experiences and documenting them on this blog as was my purpose when I first started blogging, has made them all the more precious. I am able to relive those times in my life and appreciate my current life more as well as understand that what doesn't kill you, really does make you stronger.

For approximately the past two years, I have been happy. I have not been lonely. I have been alone but not lonely. That is a significant achievement for someone like me, who has had loneliness as their friend continuously since she was 18. I owe thanks to my boyfriend for this great feat. Living out of a suitcase since I turned 21 , moving from job to job, wrong relationship to wrong relationship, city to city had been exhausting. But since I have been with him, life has been one continuous smooth moment.

The worst of times does not feel as bad as they would have had I been alone. Staying home and not speaking to a single soul all day still does not feel as bad when you know someone out there will enquire about you and make sure you communicate with them. Someone who loves you no matter how terrible your moodswings, your anger, your temper tantrums are is a blessing that perhaps I am not worthy of. I am grateful for each moment I have spent with him and I will continue to be grateful.

This has been said by others before, but this is the one time that I truly mean it, if I had to do it all over again just to meet you... I'd not hesitate once.

Condemn the attacks on the Hospital!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-02T07:16:00.000-08:00

I'm looking at the sites that are showing pictures upon pictures of little children and women dead in their beds at the PTK Hospital and I actually want to cry. I usually get angry, I write on this, I try and stir up some courage to move the masses yet fail. But I don't cry. But today that is all there is left to do.

Their only fault is that they were born in the North and born Tamil. How could a government of a 'Democratic Socialist Republic' kill its own citizens in such a horrendous manner?? How could the same government make plans for an elaborate Independence Day parade at Galle Face Green when its civilians are anything but independent???

If Prabhakaran is a terrorist and a murderer, we must call the ones on this side ordering these attacks the same thing. I thank the forces for 'rescuing the North' however I have no USE for this land they are capturing. I can take a bet on any given day that the people supporting this ludicrous war does not either. How can we make so many scars on this nation whilst trying to capture this plot of land????

They have broken the Geneva Convention by attacking this hospital. Not once, Not twice BUT THRICE. Would they shell Apollo in sucha manner? Or Nawaloka? No they would not. Even if they know that terrorists are hiding out in there. THEY WOULD NOT. What makes the citizens of the North ANY LESS CITIZENS of our country than we are??????

This is not a fostering environment for anything but terrorism. Yes they'll wipe out the LTTE but pay me when the day comes, someone else - perhaps currently losing a loved one in the North - will grow up to a life of hatred and revenge will burn and another Prabhakaran will come about. Our children will face that terror. And so on and so forth the cycle will continue.

I don't know what to do anymore. It is POINTLESS to write. We all agree, we all disagree amongst each other. How will it stop??!!!!

Direction!!

2009-01-31T03:48:00.000-08:00

So I've decided I completely need direction. I don't like the direction of my life right now. I mean. warming a chair and staring at a screen for nine hours every day for five days a week can get you a bit dull. And morose.

Career choices continue to be the bane of my existance and I really don't know what to do with myself! I'm in Finance, I studied Science, I would very much love to dabble in journalism/creative writing/politics.

But that would be a waste of my degree because for further study, I would still like to gain lots of letters after my name that involve the Sciences. A BA in Journalism won't sit well with me because for me education doesn't come free and therefore if I must go abroad and pay for it, I want it to be something that I'm completely certain I want to study about and thats Science.

But what do I want to do everyday? I'd love to work at a magazine. Not these His and Hellos and Toodles we have in SL but a proper international magazine. It just seems so creative and flourishing (not to mention glamourous but that may just be my perception of Ugly Betty world). Or write a book.

I would love to try journalism in Sri Lanka but of course the threat of Dementors flocking down on me and sucking my soul out is of course an occupational hazard that may deter me from doing so (anonymously I will continue to yell out my opinions here).

I don't know. Would have really thought I'd have figured this shit out by now!

For the third year in a row, CATCH UP!

2009-01-24T02:30:00.000-08:00

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
- I stayed in a relationship for a whole year (and more), I took out some loans, I paid them back! :P

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No but will make the same one this year, To go the gym religiously and get myself toned up! <--- thats from last year but I HAVE been very good this year so far.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope, but I got to see the lovely babies that were born last year, and they are amaazing lil creatures!

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nope, thank God <--- thank god again

5. What countries did you visit? India, SL, Singapore, Thailand

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? job satisfaction.. that really eludes me. sense of purpose. and of course, more muscle less fat.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Hmm.. it was all a bunch of great days.Even the bad ones

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Keeping the guy i adore with me.

9. What was your biggest failure? Still not being able to find job satisfaction, not hating my boss. etc etc

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing significant

11. What was the best thing you bought? Not a very gadget centric year, I hope to change that in 2009. Probably tickets to Thailand for me n the bf :)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My mum, my bf, the new gang of friends I made for being such fun ppl

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? some friends who are meant to be close but hv drifted away and maybe my own

14. Where did most of your money go? Lord, if i can answer that one! I ask myself that eeeevery day , but id say mostly rent. and paying back my old employer.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Spending every day with my bf after spending so much time on long distnace!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? that get low song... hilarious!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

I. happier or sadder? Happier.

II. thinner or fatter? Fatter

III richer or poorer? FAR poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? SAVING money, thinking decisions through a lil better, getting less drunk on occasions

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? CRIBBING <---- 2nd time nominee

22. Did you fall in love in 2008? YUP, with the same boy all over again

23. How many one-night stands? None!

24. What was your favorite TV program? Grey's anatomy <--- 2nd year running, also add Heroes and Brothers and Sisters

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Probably not. More disappointed in certain people, proud of a whole bunch of other people!

26. What was the best book you read? Time Travellers Wife

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Stuck to my old tastes

28. What did you want and get? Keep my bf, keep my old friends, make some great new ones

29. What did you want and not get? a raise. and a job im happy in

30. What was your favorite film of this year? Dark Knight, Stardust, a few others

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 24, had a small party and dinner

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Cant ask for anything more than what I received <--- Amen

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? As always, comfortable yet trendy. Missed the shops in London tho

34. What kept you sane? Faith in God, Mum and a Few Good Mates, and the boy

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Sanath Jayasuriya :P

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Sri Lanka's ethnic crisis and political turmoil <-- sadly still there

37. Who did you miss? My bf :( when I was living away from him, my mum wen i was livin away from her

38. Who was the best new person you met? The bunch of friends I have now. fab crowd

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008: Things do get better. There is a way out. All that matters are the people you love and who loves you.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: a sleepy blue ocean

Driving you insane!

2009-01-20T06:39:00.001-08:00

On my morning drives to work, I've noticed one major result of the one way road system. Any semblance of order that prevailed in our roads have disintegrated.

Never are there straight lanes, there are just cars randomly packed together. If a small gap opens, someone turns the wheel in order to get into that space. Defying any geometrical principle that states that going from A to B in a zig zag manner will be less productive than just going straight. (Whatever that principle maybe!).

Lest the traffic eases up and people are able to drive at a reasonable speed, they completely ignore the brake. We see a car trying to enter from a bylane, we swerve or speed up. We see a car trying to overtake, we swerve. We see a bus hurtling at us at 90mph, we swerve. God forbid if there's a car on the other side trying to overtake. Well, that car will swerve too.

Sri Lankan roads have never been the epitome of orderly traffic. But ever since the one way system was introduced, people seem to have gotten that much out of control! I used to drive but since 2006/7 I have resorted to cabbing it places since 1) a car is way too expensive to buy with 300% tax 2) the checkpoints make it unsafe for a girl to drive in the night 3) the traffic is manic.

So I am that backseat driver who tries to brake using her imaginary brake. Trust me, Ive been braking more with my imaginary brake than I did when I was using the real thing!

What is wrong with us?!

What next?

2009-01-10T00:53:00.000-08:00

The A9 is open. Hands up those who have booked the van for their next/first trip to Jaffna? Hands up those who cancelled the trip to Bentota to frolic instead in the clear blue waters around Point Pedro? Yeah, as I guessed, none.

Freedom from terror to me means not having to be checked at twenty check points on my way from Colombo 5 to Colombo 6 and asked for my ID. Freedom from terror would mean not being apathetic to the news another bomb has gone off in a train. Freedom from terror would mean not being stuck in traffic jams for hours at end due to a politician more terrified than me travelling 1km away from me.

It is but delusional to think any of this will change just because the army captures Elephant Pass, Kilinochchi or Mullativu. There can never be any victors in a war. As we celebrate these victories with fireworks, we celebrate too these freedoms we will never have. Sri Lankans will forever live terrified that the next Central Bank attack will be at their building. The next Taj massacre will be at their hotel.

Sri Lanka is a nurturing ground for terrorists. The tamil people are still, after 25 years of war, being treated as second class citizens of their own country. They are viewed with suspicion and treated with contempt. How many Tamil people do you know that can speak Sinhalese? Now, think how many Sinhalese do you know who can speak Tamil? The discrepancy is wide. Will this suspicion end because the war is over? When the govt has no idea where the LTTE are?

Will this mean that just because we are able to place Sri Lankan flags and many an army soldier in the land that has been won up north that the Sri Lankan people will be able to finally forget this unncessary issue of language and go about their lives in peace? NO it won't.

It is NOT ok that Tamil youth are abducted daily all around this country. It wasn't okay when Premadasa did that to the Sinhalese youth suspecting they were JVP and it is NOT ok that it is happening now. It is NOT ok that countless journalists have been harrassed through out the past 3 years for speaking the truth, what the ruling parties don't want to hear. It is NOT ok that our fundamental rights are daily stripped away under the war pretense through the passage of emergency laws.

Human life is valuable. Whether they are Tamil, Sinhalese or Muslim. Palestinian or Israeli. We have lost more than one generation because of this war. How many more do we sacrifice before realising that its NOT ok?

Evil: Time to take a stand against Sri Lankan fascist regimes

2009-01-08T09:21:00.001-08:00

'All that is necessary for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing'.

Today is a sad day in Sri Lankan history. It is an important day in its history. We have had many an important days in our history however on hindsight, I can only see bad choices, greed, power hungry morons and their decisions that have led us to today. The Sri Lankan Media Ministry was taken under the 'wings' of our President on the 1st of January 2009.

Since then, (a mere 8 days) a gang of 20 armed militants have entered the premises of one of the major independent television networks and set it on fire with the ambition of silencing them. A mere two days after this attack whilst the criticism was still pouring in, one of the key journalists in this country have been gunned down in broad daylight by a gang of 8 bikers.

What is their common thread? They say things as it is. They report to the people what others fear to do. Lasantha Wickramatunga has time and time again put his life in danger to bring to us what the rest of the media institutions tried to hide. He has built one of the finest investigative journalism units in the country. True, he too has faltered during his career, sometimes bordering on slander and stepping on many a toe, however, it is the fundamental right of a citizen of a democracy to be able to express their views. It is a fundamental right for the truth to be told.

Lasantha was murdered for allowing us this right.

The current situation in the country is unacceptable.

'All that is necessary for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing'.

We see evil, we see its face, we see its siblings, we see its actions yet we are too afraid to speak up. But we must. Evil throughout the ages has always been brought down by brave people, courageous people time and time again standing up for what is right and what they believe in. This country has gone through turbulent times however we had hope. We had people we could look to as alternative leaders. We had Gamini Dissanayake, we had Lalith Athulathmudali, Ossi Abeygunasekera, Vijay Kumaratunga, R. Premadasa, J.R. Jayawardena, Chandrika Bandaranaike and countless others.

The last three proved to be tyrants themselves however when they reached power they brought with them that glimmer of hope. They had fought against injustices. Who do we have at this moment who will fight against the injustice that is a corrupt government terrorising its own people under the veil of a war?

Kilinochchi is time and time again utilised as a veil to deflect the sentiments of an emotional public. A reason to commit atrocities that noone can stand upto. We are definitely on the path that Zimbabwe was on aa while back. There is only one way to ensure we do not end up in the same place.

We must stop being apathetic. We MUST take a stand. We must fight.

Postnote: I wasn't going to publish this. It scares me to publish this. But that would mean Lasantha Wickramatunga and countless others would have died in vain. And we cannot have that.

Major General Janaka Perera - mysteries

2008-10-11T08:51:00.000-07:00

It was an incredibly tragic moment in Sri Lankan history when 27 families were left torn when the bomber last Monday hit his target. Janaka Perera and his wife, Dr. John Pulle and his wife were both taken away from their families. Plenty of comments have been made on blogs, news items, and lunch rooms about these murders.

We live in a time where the public is incredibly inconveienced for the greater good of VIPs. Case in point: the arrival of President Mahmous Abbas this week where people were made to walk from fort to various points to locate their transport. The Hilton stretch was completely cordoned off, when President Abbas decided he wanted to pray on Friday lunch time at the Fort mosque: no stone was left unturned to ensure his safety. We wait in traffic jams each day so that the VIPs can race by us and reach their destination safely. I dont think a single person can attend a function which will be attended by any of the current administration (especially the high up commanders -military and otherwise) without getting stripsearched. People get shot when they fail to stop at check points on a weekly basis.

So, can we accept Brigadier Udaya Nanayakkara's comment 'the suicide bomber just walked straight in to the function and blew himself up?' (or something of that order). The fellow was buckle legged, he could have been stopped. He could have been shot at if he didnt stop. The army/police/navy don't seem to hesitate to shoot at innocent pedestrians/drivers. So why the hesitation now? How did this man gain entry into this high security event? An ex army commander, a leader of a province in the opposition was attending this event. How can we as the Sri Lankan public accept this?

As much as I oppose the war, Janaka Perera would have at countless times issued orders that have ensured the safety of the then minister MR and his pigmie followers. How is keeping his body at the Ratmalana airport for FOUR hours in the heat any show of gratitude? How is refusing his body the right to travel by air to his province any act of humaneness? How low have politics travelled in our country with this current administration? How can there be THIS much hate in this system?

Secondly, why would the LTTE target an ex army commander who works with the opposition when there is a sitting duck in the form of the current army commander? If it really was the LTTE who conducted this atrocity, then we really must question where do their allegiances lie? Perhaps its not just with themselves. Who prevented the Tamil population from voting to place the current administration in power? As mentioned by groundviews, who murdered Lakshman Kadirgarman thus placing MR in power? Why is a guerilla organisation that was considered the most organised specialist group in the world now suddenly losing and allowing the govt to enter their area?

These questions will always just be questions. It is not the people on either side in power that suffers. Its the people on either side that leave their families, that commit atrocicties that haunt them forever, the people who are left behind as parents, spouses and children leave them due to the unjustified cause that is war.

Law and Chaos: Galle Road Unit

2008-10-03T21:10:00.000-07:00

On Monday, the Supreme Court gave an order to remove all barricades on Galle Road all the way up till Galle Face Hotel (why not further, I cannot fathom!). This I'm sure was due to the realisation that - these barricades are pointless, these barricades further exacerbate the traffic situation in Colombo and of course, these barricades are pointless. Having these barricades only protect those that are already protected and doesn't shield the general public from random bombings by unknown parties, kidnappings, and murders of political and otherwise natures.

On Tuesday, the barricades were removed. Partially. And what were we bestowed with instead? From 7am, approximately 10 policemen conducting individual searches of each and every car to pass the Galle Road from the Kolpetty area onwards towards Galle Face. What did it result in? Chaos . It took an hour to get from Bambalapitiya to Kollupitiya and about 5 minutes to get from Kollupitiya (past the High Commissions and his assness esteemed residence) to Galadari.

Imagine what this means. There is a bus depot near that check point. Therefore every other vehicle is a bus. There are three lanes formed on one side of that Galle Road partition. I assume an approximate 100-150 offices to be beyond that checkpoint (as WTC itself accounts for about 50). If we assume each office employs 300 people minimum and out of these, 1/2 arrive by individual vehicle and out of this 1/2 come by Galle Road, we have 10 policemen checking over ... 11,250 people and their cars. All these people need to get to work by 8 or 9am so that doesn't give the policemen ALL day to do this task, they must do this within a space of 2-3 hours (provided they've been imperiused and they actually want to do something that serves the public). Add in the usual incompetency associated with the Sri Lankan police force and what do we get... a MOTHER OF A TRAFFIC JAM.

WHO woke up on that Tuesday morning and went 'EUREKA I HAVE FOUND ANOTHER WAY TO INCONVENIENCE THE SRI LANKAN POPULATION!!!!' i can only but wonder. Idiocy is rife and common sense NIL in all those that rules us. There is only selfishness, pigheadedness and of course, ripe greed. No cars were strip searched prior to this on that stretch. Not even when Her Highness was living at TT. I'm not sure if any car checkings anywhere in Colombo, has resulted in a policemen finding a vehicle full of LTTE cadres without their IDs sitting with their rifles. I can only imagine with 28% inflation and rising cost of living combines with meagre salaries in the public service, that someone in the Registrar's dept would be more than happy to create a new IDs for anyone that asks.

So why continue with this charade? If you must 'protect' us, do your job properly. Those in power, use your brain. A war can only be 'won' so much before the other side returns. And a war that has gone on for 25 years will not be 'won' so quickly. I long to go back to the days when the ceasefire was strongly in place and we could drive around without having to be bothered with check points, bomb threats or stupid road blocks.

Tuesday is only but a reminder that those days are long gone.

HIATUS but Im back.. For a short visit!

2008-09-28T07:22:00.000-07:00

Just dropped by my blog today and saw a comment by Scrumpilicious saying 'where are you?' that compelled me to go 'awww' and log on to write a new post!

I've been ever so busy this past month, its actually quite manic. My job hunt was fruitful and I started a new job at the beginning of the month, amidst which Ive gotta study for an exam as well! So its pretty crazy!! Especially since I'm used to lazy days in front of the TV, checking out Kottu and ranting about my various topics!

I haven't kept much tabs on whats been happening in Sri Lanka this past month - since we are all still standing (I hope), Im guessing it doesnt amount to much. It was sad to see President Wijetunga pass away - he was actually my fave President - possibly bc he had such a short stint that he couldnt really create any chaos anyway! Oh and of course, I may have changed my viewpoint on SWRD Bandaranaike as the be all and end all of this chaotic situation in the country. I learnt that he died because he passed the Tamil Bill and of course the peg now passes to the Buddhist monks and Wimala Wijewardene for been utter dicks. (Sorry - I'm Buddhist too before anyone gets offended and starts yelling at me!)

I've been feeling very flightfooted and I'm dying to go back to London or even visit somewhere new like Egypt but the finances are in a terrible situation at the moment. So no such thing is gonna happen!

Thats it from me,

So what's new with you?

A watch shop?!

2008-08-30T09:33:00.000-07:00

So the world... or rather Colombo is resounding with the sound of a new bomb being set off in Pettah. Apparently it was set under a board in a pavement watch shop. Ok.. rack your brains people.. when did the LTTE ever use timing devices to send off small bombs in watch shops?!

I'm in my Mid twenties so I can fully assure you that I have not heard of any such thing. I've seen the consequences of their attacks on Central Bank, Orugodawaththa Oil refinery, Dalada Maligawa etc. So.. either the govt must be not telling us enough of how much their victory up north is affecting the LTTE (I mean, they must be pretty desperate to blow up a watch shop) orrr... something fishy is going on.

Take your pick. There's a good blog entry about this here.

Not all is as it seems.

Cricket - What's up with us?

2008-08-28T07:14:00.000-07:00

So, I went for Sunday's match, we lost. I watched a bit of yesterday's match. We lost. Now, before you think... Hmm it must be you, NO! I'm not the bad luck charm because I didn't watch the Dambulla match, and we still lost!

1996 - stuff of legend. Made some cricketing legends for sure. After that, it was a downward spiral. A lot of the oldies said farewell and a bunch of new guys came on. But how often, do we reminisce about that World Cup team? Asanka Gurusinghe's Sixer flying through the night air... Sanath achieving Master Blaster status.. Arjuna preferring to walk instead of run during the Finals... Aravinda letting Arjuna hit the winning runs..

I was 12 but I remember all of it. Watching the highlights on YouTube now, it makes you so proud!!! Then came the period that we'll all rather forget with purposely dropping catches and what losing to Kenya was it?

Now, we have a good team. We have excellent batting. We have legends in Jayasuriya, Murali and Vaas. But in all our sporting arenas, why are we not training up young talent as well as we should? Why are we relying on 30 year olds to bring us Olympic Golds? Close to 40 year olds to save matches? It shows a severe lack of interest by the ruling parties to invest enough money on training up young talents.

I don't know abt running, but I'm pretty sure there must be a few untrained Sanath's out there. With the high incidence of cricket games in this country, its a high probability that another Kalu or Gurusinghe is out there. But we don't locate them and we don't train them. Why else would players like Chamara Silva who held such hope during last year's World Cup fall to the background? We are lucky to have found Malinga and Mendis. But are they really the new Muralis? Do they have the determination and dedication to the Sport to succeed as Murali has? Malinga got his contract withdrawn for his bad behaviour on tour. Where's the dedication?

Right now, our team is inexperienced. Some say let them get trained up they'll be great. But will they? Are the right resources available for these players to hone their talent and become their best? I'm not sure. Mahela is a remnant from his generation of cricketers. His compatriots all come and gone. Sanga is off the era after Mahela.

Once Sana, Vaas and Murali decide enough is enough, will we really have that much hope? Shouldn't our infrastructure improve to support these sportsmen who clearly have the talents yet lack the resources? Its a sad state of affairs when we lost after 25 years to India in our own country. If this doesn't alert the authorities to sit up and do something about this sport that has provided us all with so many heroes, so many proud moments, I don't know what will.

Tree of Hope

2008-08-25T23:48:00.000-07:00

Perhaps past events have hurt you, but you must still have hope. For without hope, your existence becomes dull. Pessimism is only good so far. With hope, life becomes a sunrise, you become more open to possibilities, opportunities and events. As the picture above, hope allows your mind to be a canvas. Without hope, you are but a cloudy night.

So even if someone doesn't reciprocate your feelings, even if someone has left you, even if you haven't met worth giving your heart to in so long you forget what it feels like, it is important to be open. It is vital to know that these feelings do pass. And that someone else will most definitely come along.

There are 6.6 billion people in this world. Have hope!

Baked Crab Cravings

2008-08-23T01:16:00.001-07:00

I am craving one of these baked crab/cheesey filled dishes today!!

Any idea which places in Colombo offers the best?

Siestas, Lazy Days..

2008-08-21T00:10:00.000-07:00

A lazy Sunday, a cool beer at the beach, read a book on a hammock whilst the sea breeze rushes through your hair, a good crab curry for lunch, a dip in the ocean...

Hmmm... what luxuries Sri Lanka provides!!! Isn't that fantastic? We have it all right at our feet. If just managed properly, this place really is Paradise. If its like this when not managed properly imagine what it would be with a booming economy?

I'm so glad to start working in Sri Lanka. After so many years of living abroad, it feels fantastic. To be able to afford any cuisine that I wish for at any point, to access the beach at any time, to smell the rain falling on the Earth. That smell.. do you know what I speak of? You can't find it anywhere in the world I'm sure. Just in the Sri Lankan soil.

With green hills, fresh strawberries and cream available in the Hill country and plenty of relics for the culturally inclined, its more than a shame its a tragedy that Sri Lanka has faced so much turmoil.

I'm glad to be back and I'm glad I can look forward for at least a year here. Sri Lankans always survive. These are the things that makes me proud to be Sri Lankan.

Good God!

2008-08-19T23:27:00.001-07:00

If my previous post wasn't enough, I just had the pleasure of catching Jackson Anthony in a State TV interview.

Quote:

'people say nationalism is bad but without embracing nationalism we cannot reach internationalism'...

F*** knows what internationalism is.. doesn't it completely go against the concept of nationalism? And as feared, the interview just re-iterated what I said in my previous post. Bogged down in Mahavamsa it's proving its purpose. Excerpts from people who watched the movie state that 'we are so grateful to Mr Anthony for reminding us our history'.

Sigh..
.
Meanwhilst take a look at a fellow blogger's entry here.

This is progressive thinking. Understanding the strengths and weaknesses of a certain position and taking the best action. Of course this gentleman is educated. Perhaps its our fault for electing asses that don't even have a decent degree that this situation has arisen. What hope does our nation have when everyone who has even a blotch of brains are too afraid to speak up and let asses run the country?

Celebration!

2008-08-18T23:56:00.000-07:00

I've managed to hit the top posts for yesterday/today for the first time in my history of Kottuing!

Very happy!!

Thanks all!!

ABA - my next rant..

2008-08-17T23:39:00.000-07:00

I wasn't going to blog about this movie because I felt that one rant after another after another will just be excessive. However, i just read the following: http://sanhindha.blogspot.com/2008/08/blog-post_18.html

And I feel that it is imperative to express my opinion that this movie cannot be looked at anything but a movie.

For those that aren't entirely familiar with Sinhalese cinema, 'Aba' is the story of King Pandukabaya's childhood. It was directed by film actor Jackson Anthony and it was produced by... well apparently two business men. However the story behind the story is that Rs/- 800,000,000.00 was provided by none other than our great leader. The trailers for 'Aba' started been played when the hindi movie 'Jodhaa Akbar' was playing in the cinemas. And I have it on a trusted source that Mr. Anthony believed his cinematic creation to be on par with 'Jodhaa Akbar'.

So, shall we compare the two movies? (Just the two movies and what they inspired not the actual legend/story)

Whilst I was watching 'Jodhaa Akbar', a singular important thought came into my mind. 'How lucky are the Indian people that they have leaders like this they can look back upon with pride'. Why did I think this? Well, Akbar appeared from childhood to be a fair human being. He did not seek to kill his prisoners of war for the glory of his name. He went beyond himself to understand the plights of the people, reducing their taxes and bringing about prosperity to the country during his reign. He was fair to all his subjects were they Hindu or Muslim or the other various sects that India has to offer. So these were the reasons that were illustrated through this movie abt Akbar.

As a piece of cinema, it was a masterpiece. Songs by A.R.Rahman, dance sequences that were elaborately planned and hundreds as junior artistes. Of course, Indian cinema has more money available to it and more advanced technology and all around talents that are available to it than we have. Politically what did the movie potray? That it is possible to have fair leaders who can bring about the prosperity of a nation irrespective of the ethnicities present in that nation.

Now let's take 'Aba', cinematography and sets were excellent. Mr Anthony had taken on board what he has seen during his work with directors in large scale movies. They had workers from India flown in to create the sets. As you enter, the slogan associated with 'Aba' speaks of a person ascended from 'Ruhuna' (Now Hambantota) that saved the nation. Hmm.. analogies anyone? Movie starts. First line in the blank screen? Salutations to His Excellency MR. Ass licking anyone? I've watched many a movie in my lifetime, not many salutes a nation's President at the beginning.

For a movie spanning two and a half hours, the first twenty minutes are spent focussing on the events at the birthing chamber. We have a whole host of senior artistes from the Sri Lankan film industry: Malini Fonseka, Raveendra Randeniya, Sabeetha Perera, Shriyantha Mendis and a whole host of new artistes. The kid acts pretty well, more natural in his actions. It wasn't his fault that the script was ever so... retarded. Serela (the little girl who was a main actor in 'Water') is wasted in her role as the adopted child by Sabeetha's character. She merely dances here and there and waddles off. We know she is capable of a lot more.

Raveendra looks like a Sri Lankan Gandalf as the Pandula Brahamana. All decked out in white with the stump. Sabeetha seems incapable of efficient emotions even now as Unmada Chitra. Malini performed well in her role showcasing grandeur and dignity. Saumya Liyanage was excellent as Habara. His performance was slightly reminiscent of that of his father, Hemasiri Liyanage in certain films. Kingsley Loos appears to be a good fit for the character of Tissa.

Anyhow, back to the movie. Dialogue contained gems such as 'Even the Gods will forgive those who murder in the name of the country'. Needless to say several people in the audience snorted. And of course, Aba seemed to have mixed himself with Harry Potter as he is protected by the love of his uncle Chittaraja (who protects him as a ghost). And of course, in a highly ironic twist of facts... what religion protects Aba from his birth to his ascend to kingship? Hinduism. Mr Anthony seems to utilise Hindu Slokas and chants as background music and it is these chants as well as the psychic eye of a seer that succeeds in ensuring Aba's safety through all danger. Right at the end, Aba lifts his sword and is blessed by Chittaraja's ghost who is up on a rock and has assumed supernatural powers as he transfers his powers to Aba's palms or sword (I really couldn't be arsed paying attention to detail by this point). Its kinda like Lion King really. Only Simba is down below and Mufasa's ghost is on a rock. Imagine that. Its actually an injustice to the actual fellow who lived to reduce him to a mere puppet of a ghost or an astrologer.

And of course scattered throughout the 2.5 hours is various comments regarding the Sinhalese and the various gothras we come from etc etc. And the last rocker of a statement from Aba, 'I will fight for the glory of this motherland till death'. Yeah charming that.

So, why make this movie at this time? Around the world people use the medium of cinema and art as an opportunity to bridge gaps. To exaggerate the similarities and negate the differences. Did this movie make me proud to be Sinhalese/Sri Lankan? Err.. no. It made me feel a tad daft to be honest. Why, if this was true I have to go finding a ghost to protect me. Did this movie focus on the importance of blood lines and the importance of ethnicities? YES. Did it say we are all the same, cmon get along? No. So why would anyone in their right mind spend 800M rupees to make such a movie, intersperse nationalism promoting comments within it and throw it out to the public?

Why else? P.R.O.P.A.G.A.N.D.A

Hitler used it, Mussolini used it, Bush uses it, I'm sure Mugabe probably uses it, so why not our fellow?

To come back to the blog entry that inspired this post, this is how some people take this movie- to be fair I didn't read the whole post. However, it is not an epic movie that enters the annals of Sinhalese cinema. For its cinematography and elaborate attire, yes I conceded it is a great improvement from the Anarkali clad rubbish we see. However, if I was a fellow from Matara who watch this with the few rupees I have and I have already been indoctrinated about how great my race is, then we will have issues.

One must look towards legends and myth as examples of how to solve current problems. Sri Lankan history as illustrative as it is, is bogged down in Sinhalese Buddhism. That's not what the country needs at this point. That's precisely why MR spent money on this movie. That's precisely why the greatness of fighting for the nation is written all over it. Its an exaggerated method of alluring young fellows to join the army or support the war cause.

It is sickening when artistes use their talent (as Mr. Anthony clearly has talent) for these purposes. People are blinded by money. However, I am not blinded by 'Aba'.

Monks.. Buddhist Monks... Sri Lankan Buddhist Monks

2008-08-15T00:24:00.000-07:00

Take a look at the third picture here.

Courtesy of Daily Mirror.

Now, when I used to go to school and study Buddhism, I was taught that Lord Buddha renounced the world of materialistic things, entered the forest and fought through many distractions to reach the Enlightened state. Through this enlightened state, he preached of the middle path. And ever since his time, those that believed so strongly in this philosophy and realised the truth in it, entered the temple, gave up all materialistic things and devoted his or her life to being an example of Lord Buddha to the generations that came after Him.

Lord Buddha spoke of Peace, of Non Violence, of Love towards all beings.

Well.. isn' t it ironic that in Sri Lanka we have Buddhist Monks leading protests against peace in the North? That in Sri Lanka, this ethnic problem arose due to the retarded sinhala buddhist mentality of this country?? Isn't even more ironic that monks are now in parliament, in violent protests (hurling grenades or something)? I don't know about you but these days I'm finding it very hard to show any respect to these yellow robed bald headed guys. Thats what they've reduced themselves to.

No more venerations. They come to Alms givings in their Mercs, they hoard money in stashes of CRISP notes in their temples, they receive gifts of Omegas and other expensive branded items by rich dignitaries. They conduct business. They enter parliament.

Them getting beaten up a few years ago at a meeting was the best thing I've seen. If you enter into an area that is by all means not suitable to what you are meant to be preaching and therefore being insulting to the religion that you are representing, then by sod's law you should get smashed for it.

Nowadays, these guys probably wear this yellow robe to gain prominence and power. I'm not an ardent buddhist but still, i'm sure I can preach to them what they should be practicing. Its sickening.

By way of disclaimer, I know that not all monks are like this. There are honest, religious monks still out there in this very religious country of ours. But where do they draw the line between reverence and power? Which monks will not fall to the lows of these monks in the spotlight were they given the same opportunities? Is consumerism and global development hitting these guys harder than it hits us?

Not all Tamils are LTTE, not all Sinhalese are Mahinda and not all monks are the JHU Monks. But unless we (who are sane) figure out what to do with these oddities who keep throwing themselves in the limelight and givins us the bad name, this country is pretty much doomed.

The Story of A Papaya... And a Lesson in Being Sri Lankan

2008-08-14T01:41:00.001-07:00

I was in Wellawatte yesterday to get some shirts and as we were returning to the car, my dad asked me whether I wanted to buy a papaya from the small kadey (store) on the by road where we had parked. I said yes, so we went inside the little shop and a lady was standing outside. We were too busy searching for the right papaya to notice who the lady was or who else was inside the very small area.

Anyway, we finally settled on a decent sized papaya and turned to give it to the shopkeeper and there was noone. Only that lady outside the store. So at this time, we looked a bit confused so the lady said 'Oh he's still not here'. I could see she was a Tamil lady. Dressed in sari. Very respectable.

At this time, another girl from a neighbouring store came to the shop. She also looked inside quizzically and proceeded to stand around. Dad kept the papaya on the weighing scale and left me with the money to pay the shopkeeper ONCE he returns. Of course, in the circumstance of things, I got chatting to the lady.

'He said he will be right back and left me here' She said chuckling. 'Not a good thing to do in these times'.

'Very trusting!' I replied

'Has he still not come?' asked the young Tamil girl.

So we kept waiting for about another ten minutes. I played around with the rice in the goni bags. There were lots of sachets hung about. Indicating that people really can't afford anything more than a 2 Rs. sachet of shampoo or Diva detergent.

There were several three wheeler drivers around. Each passer by caught my attention as I thought 'AH finally he has returned!!!'

So after 5 more minutes in the hot sun, the Muslim shopowner returns. Coolly and calmly he walks to the store. Goes inside and starts conducting the business. The lady and I look at each other and laugh.

She says something to the shopkeeper in Tamil and walks off.

I pay 100 Rs. for my papaya and walk to the car.

A small incident. Involving three ethnicities. But overwhleming with trust. No one tried to take stuff and run away. No one got angry at being made to wait. It was just accepted. And it was spent in a non hurried cordial way.

In the broader picture, we have war being waged apparently because this very cordiality doesn't exist amongst us the Sri Lankan population. Yet we have endured 25 years of war and over 50 years of propoganda attempting to brainwash us and atttempting to make us feel different from other Sri Lankans and still something like this incident still have the possibility of happening.

So if a segment of us still have the 'normal' mentality necessary to leave peacefully as good neighbours and citizens, then why can't the rest understand this ideology? How come we aren't all brawling every single day in our daily work? We all work with all three ethnicities, have friends in all three groups, but yet come the elections or any sort of threat to the asses in Power they preach the doctrine of hatred and fear. This lecture goes into the minds of the villagers and we have our current situation.

It is more than clear that we are all capable of living in this country without creating unnecessary trouble. So why wage war? Please, I request any of the armed forces, Presidents and other political idiots, dont wage war in my name. I don't ask for it. I don't want it. If you agree with me, perhaps we should all request the same.

If anything, the public should wage war against the government. Drive out these retards and get back the people with minds, hearts and good instincts.

Work Work Work Hunt for Work

2008-08-11T23:13:00.000-07:00

10,000 B.C.

Caveman is hungry, wants to eat, runs after wildboar, catches it, eats it.

2008 A.D

I am hungry, I must attend multiple interviews, find a job, negotiate a salary, work my ass off, get the salary, purchase food items with salary, eat it.

Who says development was a good thing?!

Just so fed up of attending interviews! Finally reached final round and received an offer but the salary is not upto par with what I was expecting so do I go back in there, conduct more and more and more interviews till I finally get something with the proper salary range or just say 'FUCK IT.. and take this? I have debt to pay off so its not like I'm being greedy or anything.

I ranted about this a month ago or so and I shall rant about it again.

Its all bullshit. This whole exchange item for money, or service for money etc etc has evolved erratically and is perhaps one of the main causes behind a lot of things happening today! Greed is such a core attribute in all economies and nations. I mean look at our esteemed leader for one.

Ok it was a minor rant and its over.

If I didn't have to worry about money and financing mine, my future children and my parents futures, I would pretty much become a doctor. or a teacher. Noble professions. Dispense my wisdom unto others. Without cost.

Anyway, what would you be?

Inflation, Stupid Leaders and The Need For a Holiday

2008-08-08T23:56:00.000-07:00

Currently in the midst of a serious job hunt which includes me having to have in depth knowledge of the country's fiascoes, economy and other depressing statistics. Inflation is down from 28% to 26% - cause for celebration! NOT! That's a whole 24% more than it should be! MR and his usual antics and the crimes of uneducated politicians stand out from blogs and newspapers. So, I feel I wanna take a leaf out of our great leader's book and go on holiday! Albeit I might give a miss to the Beijing Olympics (I thought the opening ceremony looked fantastic!).

My last fantastic holiday whose only objective was to relax was to the Maldives. Else I've been travelling around in the plans to visit people and work. Which doesn't really constitute a holiday since you have an agenda. Anyways, the journey to the Maldives wasn't as easy I thought. There are so many factors to consider so by the time you get there you're really ready for a holiday!

The transport cost from the airport to the island resort of your choice varies depending on how far it is from the airport and whether you use a speedboat or a sea plane. Sea Planes obviously are faster, but clearly more expensives. A 20 minute journey on a seaplane takes 2 hours on the speed boat. I tried both and found the sea plane to be mildly nauseating. Really. Been confined to a small aircraft which rocks here and there and has close to no air circulation is disturbing.

Then there's a choice of where to go! So many resorts, so many differences so little time!!!! http://www.expedia.co.uk/ and http://www.travelocity.com/ and other such sites provides pretty steep rates with not much scope for discount so what I tried to do was approach the hotels themselves. Failing which, the less commercially oversubscribed sites such as http://www.hotelscombined.com/ was a better option. They automatically compared all hotels found and provided me with the best rates in an easy to read format so my confused little brain wasn't fried in trying to look for the exact rates. Oh and for the fun of it, I searched Colombo and Kandy and such hotels on the above website and found all the hotels here as well! Which is FANTASTIC for those of us in Sri Lanka who can't seem to find a single website that gives rates for all the hotels here.

So in the end I managed to find a lovely hotel in the then Velidhuu resort owned by John Keels Hotels and had a scrumptious holiday. The beaches are so beautiful and so clean and so amazingly blue. I love the fact that the water isn't deep and you can wade around in peace. The comfort and peace that Maldives provides is hard to find anywhere else. Perhaps it's due to the fact that the somewhat steep prices keeps it a tad exclusive.

I'm dying to return and considering the current state of matters in Sri Lanka , perhaps its best we all jump ship, get some canoes and paddle away to the Maldives where we can live peaceful, white sandy blue beached lives :D

When Fools Become Leaders...

2008-08-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

When fools become leaders,

* They print billions of extra money to stuff in their red scarves..

* They plunge a country into inflation of 28%

* They piss off our rather large neighbouring nations through deception

* They appoint their nearest and dearest as ambassadors.. ignoring that they are farmers

* They organise a summit when it isnt their turn

* They spend LKR 3BN on summit whilst the people get thrown out of their homes

* They close roads so they can travel around in peace and the people get stuck in jams for hours

* They warmonger amongst the villagers and use that ignorance to their advantage

* They attack anyone who cares to tell the truth

* They appoint thugs as ministers and minsters progeny wander around waving guns (see Mervyn Silva)

* They take the country, wring its neck, get as much as they can and throw it out.

Its distasteful. Its dispicable and its disgusting.

It starts with an M.

Appropriate!!

2008-07-25T01:44:00.000-07:00

Quote from C.S Lewis 'Chronicles of Narnia':

'For in Tashbaan, there is only one traffic regulation, which is that everyone who is less important has to get out of the way for everyone who is more important'

Sounds familiar Sri Lankans?

:)

Tradition? To Hell With It!

2008-07-24T22:32:00.000-07:00

I was one of the many [somewhat sad] people who stayed up till late to watch the Sirasa Dancing Star final last night. Its not cause I'm an ardent subscriber of Sirasa, just that I was bored and the dancing was entertaining. I thought the artistes did a good job of keeping to the beat, looking graceful and not looking like they were trampling mud during their performances. Personally, I think the other actresses (not the finalists) have a tendency to over gesture with their limbs and features in order to copy their Indian counterparts. Sometimes it comes off as a bit OTT.

Anyhow, quite late in the show, the lights dimmed, and out came three Kandyan dancers decked out in all their regalia with their accompanying drummers.

'Oh how nice, they've decided to incorporate some culture as well' I thought to myself.

I thought it brought the show some well roundness when they showcase the talents of the artistes for western, sri lankan and indian music and then do a professional performance of traditional dancers.

What a shock! They made the dancers strut their stuff to a bass filled, RnB beat[ed], shrilly song. You couldn't hear the natural drums. The dancers were not in synchrony half the time. And to be honest, I thought they looked a bit lost. The beat they were dancing to was, I'm pretty sure, not a part of traditional bera pada at all. Sirasa then went on to leave no stone unturned and brought out low country and Sabaragamuwa dancers. Again, they performed age old dances to this ridiculous music.

I understand how Sirasa and whoever choreographed that atrocious segment wanted to bring traditional dancing to the future HOWEVER, I think somethings should be left as they are. If the dance was carried out to its original manner, it would have been more enjoyable.

Ironically, one of the types of dancers brought out usually dance at devol madu or thovils, by the look of it through the camera lens, the staged looked like a right thovil at that moment. The yak vesmuhunu [devil masked] fellows were standing there trying to get the beat, the kandyan dancers at the edge trying to do their thing, the drummers who couldn't be heard by us at home, the low country fellows doing that wonderful turn flip dance in the middle. In the background we had all the lights flashing and that nonsense song playing.

Surely, some taste people?

This Week..

2008-07-22T09:11:00.000-07:00

Black July. 1983 riots. Formation of the LTTE. The beginning of official war.

25 years. SAARC Summit. Malignant Leader. Hikkaduwa Beach Festival.

Err.. what? Yep, Hikkaduwa Beach Festival. Our great leader in the month where we should be remembering, learning the lessons, focussing on an end to this eternal crisis we have been thrown into has organised two massive fests for his subjects.

One, for the people who want to stay in Colombo, the great SAARC summit which has caused innocent people to become homeless, traffic to rise to unbearable levels with the Great Road Renovations (of course, its only the major roads and not the smaller roads that really need reparations) and the future Road Closures (so that these roads that are been made can not be potholed again by the horrible Sri Lankan populace).

Second, because Colombo is not the economic capital and it is okay for all the offices to close because of the SAARC summit, the people can leave the Leaders of the Asian World to discuss their important matters and head over to Hikkaduwa for the beach fest. Since our economy is flying and can afford both these extravaganzas, we can really take advantage of this great offer.

Now, who can say the Great Leader doesn't think of his people?

I wonder if the Dematagoda housing scheme that His Highness made for the people who was driven out of Slave Island in time for SAARC is ready yet? I wonder how many houses could have been made from the billion odd rupees thats lost through Mihin Air? How many salaries could have been increased by the amount thats been wasted on SAARC?

July really is a Black month for Sri Lanka.

It was Black since 1983...but since 2005 its gotten a whole shade darker.

Whose Blog Is This? - Conundrum

2008-07-21T06:58:00.000-07:00

I wrote about blogging anonymity in 2006. Since I am wondering about it again, I shall naturally write about it again. Since my entrance into the Sri Lankan Blogosphere aggregated by Kottu, I've read a large number of posts by fellow Sri Lankans. Most I'm sure living and working in Colombo. Now as Colombo is so small, I begin to wonder do I know any of these people behind these posts?

I personally am at a dilemma. Do I write about everything I feel like writing about? Am I ok with someone I know stumbling onto my blog and realising Hey this sounds a lot like what [insert name] was saying the other day. Oh wait, a lot of this sounds like [insert name]. Why It must be them!!!

Do you, the reader, if you are a blogger tell people about your blog? Or use it as an anonymous venting hole?

Why are there NEVER any 'GOOD' jobs?!?!

2008-07-19T23:28:00.000-07:00

About once a week I get this email from Princeton Review exclaiming 'Interested in [Insert Profession Name]... why not try [Insert Course Name]' and each week, I delete it. Ever since I left school, I've been searching for the 'right' job. Why is this so elusive?

By the 'right' job I don't mean a fantastic CEO like position at a Fortune 500 company. As a part time worker during my university years, I doubt I could have been too excellent at such a position. By 'right' I mean, something I enjoy. Something that doesn't make me want to run for the hills at the thought of going to work and something that inspires me to do better. I've worked numerous part time jobs in London - at WH Smith at 5 am as a sales assistant, fund raising on random Wimbeldon streets at 9pm in November, kitchen staff (this didn't last too long - i literally ran out on my first day after seeing the red hands of the dish washing guy) and teaching.

In my final year of university, I went through the applications process for the graduate training programs at financial institutions in London - an agonisingly lengthy process which in hindsight is a severe misuse of time. After going through this arduous process, finally recieved an offer from a large financial services firm. The last 6 months of university and the summer holidays afterwards, were spent in a wave of hope and pride for the future. It was my goal to perform excellently at my job and work the necessary hours and put in the greatest analytical skills to the job at hand. Once started however, it turned out that the salary did not (AT ALL) compensate for the work involved. My great analytical skills were rusting away whilst i ticked and checked away at spreadsheets that even a monkey could complete.

Disillusionment struck. I threw down the towel and huffed away asking myself 'Is this what I want from my life?!'. A lengthy respite later, I was yet again lured into the world of graduate training programs, this time at an investment bank and thus I put on my hopeful hat yet again and marched off into the world of Canary Wharf. I was pleasantly surprised to find myself amongst people whose personalities do not resemble those of undertakers and was carried with the tide. Did I mention that the tide wasn't made of water but of alcohol? Weeks and Months tumbled by and I was enjoying myself too much to realise that the actual job description was not very enticing. Plodding away at a computer screen or rather two computer screens was not helping anyone other than the CEOs and MDs at that bank.

The final nail in the coffin was a transfer to a certain country where the local employees were hideously racist. To me, it was return to the world of the undertakers. So now, I have thrown off this hat once and for all. All these experiences have made it very clear to me that I will not be happy in a role that does not entail helping others less fortunate than myself. Also, I will not be happy in a role that means paper pushing and sitting behind a desk. Maybe its my spiritual side but I feel I'm wasting a lot of time by doing this. Also, to negate my selfless heroic impression that you may have gotten from my previous sentence, I also hate to be told what to do.

Like any normal human being who has the ability to ask 'why', I start thinking further and asked 'why do we even need jobs?'. After university, and for some straight after school, we are thrown into the obligation and the cultural (this is a global culture) necessity of getting a job. At school we barely know our lefts from rights - Im still not entirely sure on that one - and we are meant to decide upon and lay the foundations towards our future careers. Needless to say 80% of these students, after coming out the other side from their chosen university degrees have no clue what to do with this piece of paper they have obtained. Really, what DO you do with your BSc in Zoology? Or that elusive degree BA in International Relations? How many people actually do enter the UN to carry out any internationally related work?

OF COURSE we must work. For the best part of our lives we must spend 25 days (24 if you're in Sri Lanka and its a Poya on a weekday month) a month at work and earn money. We do this because someone (very intelligent Im sure) decided it is important for us to earn money. That money is truly necessary. This rant will be a whole new post altogether. I digress.Our sometimes unfavorable educational and employment choices is mostly due to this assumption that 17 year olds are fully capable of making an educated decision on what they want to do with the rest of their lives. For some that may mean the next 43 years. When you are at home, mollycoddled for the best part, how will you know whats out there? How will you know what your personality is like till you leave the nest that is home and travel outside your comfort zone?

Where am I at now? Well I have decided to take up a very noble profession. I will probably be quite old by the time I graduate and am able to practice however I feel I would be able to work hard but use my brains at the same time. I think its important to do what you ENJOY. Not to take shit from mindless idiots but to find what you are good at and attempt to reach that place so you can really make a difference to at least a few people during your lifetime. And its important that you dont let the mindless idiots to take on the important jobs else we will have a situation like the current Presidency of Sri Lanka. Pity, I'm scared of public speaking else I would have given a try for that role :)

The Journey

2008-07-19T07:24:00.000-07:00

One of my first aquaintances in this blogging world has given up his blog and gone off to the land of MySpace. Ever since my return after the long hiatus, I have felt his and my other original blogrends presence to a large extent. This made me want to track the journey that I have made with this blog since 2006.

I am not a constant blogger. I have to feel an inspiration on a subject before I write a post. Else I will ramble on unnecessarily. There are several such posts on this blog through the past few years. More often than not, I get an urge to write about a topic and I write about it, probably why my posts are usually quite short and to the point. (As i like to think). I think like most other bloggers, I return to the blog to find comments that may have been made on my most recent post and to read others' posts which then inspire me to write further.

I started this blog as a means to jot down my thoughts. It served its purpose to a greater level. It allowed me to vent my thoughts on most subjects - love, life, politics, anger, travel - all my feelings on any subject I pleased. This is not a hugely trafficked blog however the few bloggers that did come in and read my posts, hopefully enjoyed them and wrote down their thoughts in the comments areas. My friend blu was a great participant! I think he inspired a lot of newbie bloggers and many others by encouraging our blogging attempts. I miss his presence sorely. I hope he would have enjoyed my Harry Potter rant! :)

I want to use this blog as a means to encourage people to live their lives and as a means to draw international attention to the goings on of my country. As with life, this blog has changed as I have changed. Its shared my successes and my pitfalls just as a close friend would. I hope I will be able to continue in this manner and would be able to find other great friends like Blu in this large blogosphere.

Opinion Poll - Conflict Resolution Effective Methods

2008-07-14T02:19:00.000-07:00

We see a lot of NGOs and other organisations start up in the name of Conflict Resolution here in Sri Lanka. However, 25 years on, we still have a war and a conflict worse than ever before. Under an incompetent leadership, we face a severe economic struggle with no respite in the near future. A large percentage of the budget of this developing nation goes on war expenses thus allows no space for economic growth. In fact, we are at an economic recession. The rupee has no value amongst the world currencies. The people can't afford a daily meal.

Last week's general strike's failure to evoke a response from the public shows something fundamentally wrong in this system. The people who needs to be targeted in order to stop this war are not being targetted. The grassroots carry on as before merely complaining about the cost of living issues but not rising to action. They may not be aware that this cost of living rises out of incompetent leadership however may believe that it is the cause of the unsuspecting tamil population taking their jobs.

I personally believe that conflict resolution begins with educating the masses. The politicians only visit the villages at times of election. Then, they fill them with lies and extort their vote. The NGOs only preach to the choir. The state media is biased and journalists that do speak the truth are been hunted down.

In this light, what do you feel is the best method for conflict resolution to be succesful? Who should we be targetting? In what methods?

For e.g. utilising the fact that Sri Lankans have a very high literacy rate and distributing pamphlets at bus stations, railway stations, cafeterias.

Pls comment! Moderation is what is needed and pls no extremism. Thanks!

Harry Potter and the Sri Lankan Crisis

2008-07-08T00:23:00.000-07:00

YouKnowWho aka Voldemort seems to have made a reincarnation in our splendid isle as none other than the Leader of this Beloved Nation. The Dementors are most definitely swooping very close as hope is driven out and despair rises each day. Muggles are being killed in abductions, kidnappings and bomb blasts which occur weekly. People seem to be Confuded regularly. The members of the government media appear to be Imperiused. Especially those at the 'Daily Noise' as they clearly haven't got a clue what's going on. Those that are in private media organisations are cleverly evading a heavy rain of 'Avada Kedavras'.

One glaring difference stares back at us in this eighth edition of Harry Potter. We do not have a 'Boy Who Lived' to whom we can turn to for salvation. In fact, all those who could have possibly been candidates have become 'Boys Who Didnt Live' such as Honorable Gamini Dissanayake, Vijay Kumaratunga, Lalith Athulathmudali, and R. Premadasa to mention but a few. The closest we have is Neville Longbottom in the shape of Ranil Wickremasinghe who needs to be coaxed into definitive action by Dumbeldore's Army. The Order of the Phoenix and Dumbeldore himself does not appear in this version. Dumbeldore's Army in the shape of Mangala Samaraweera, S.B. Dissanayake, Rosie Senananayake and numerous others in the UNP and associated Opposition parties do not seem to be able to rise to the challenege without the whispered intelligences of Dumbeldore and Harry Potter. We don't have the ultimate hero, Severus Snape either.

However we have multitudes of Death Eaters. The 109 ministers, the party affiliates, the masses that voted for these persons and still uphold their honor by conducting their various illicit activities for them are strong in numbers. Death Eaters and Snatchers rule. I wonder if Ms. Rowling did some research on Sri Lanka before she wrote the book. Where else could she have come up with such a similar situation albeit with no sense of hope.

It is a depressing time indeed. Someone will come to our rescue. At somepoint. Else we will also carry a wheelbarrow full of cash to go buy the loaf of bread from the local shop in the very near future.

Bone China

2008-07-07T04:37:00.000-07:00

I came across Bone China as I was browsing through the fiction section at Crosswords, Bangalore. Reading the summary in the back cover, I was immediately convinced I should buy this book if only because it was a book about Sri Lanka if nothing else. I waited about a month to read it, but once I started reading, I found unable to shut this book by Roma Tearne and get on with other activities. I finished it in two days.

Set first in Sri Lanka and then in London, it follows the lives of three generations of the De Silva family. It carries the reader through the British occupation and its effects, the Tamil bourgeouis in the country and their downfall with the ending of the Crown Rule, the civil unrest and the accompanying exodus of an entire generation of Tamils from Sri Lanka and finally the challenges facing immigrants.

The prose is lyrical and elegant. The writing is beautifully simple and does not drag on this three generation novel into one of epic proportion. The reader is able to identify and get acquainted with each character in all three generations thus enabling the sorrow and loss that meets these characters to be felt as the reader's loss. Due to this close relationship between reader and character, the deaths that take place at each point of the book is felt strongly. The loss of the 2nd generation family members towards the end of the book makes the reader feel forelorn and strangely reminscent of them. Not only does Anna-Meeka, the third generation main character, able to think 'if they were here..' so are we, the readers.

Tearne is successful at conveying the complexity of emotions that accompanies migration. The eternal feeling of homesickness, not belonging and the struggle to fit in is depicted perfectly through her writing. The longing for the wide beaches, the palm trees and the Sri Lankan soil even though it is rife with civil war and unrest is common to many immigrants. It is a feeling that is captured so beautifully by her writing. In Jacob, we have the character that is shutting out the beauty of home and embracing all that is his new homeland however forever acceding that there is a limit to the happiness and contentment one can achieve away from ones homeland.

Tearne may have not got some of the details of the Civil war in Sri Lanka right. Like many of her contemporaries, as Sri Lankan authors living abroad it is difficult to truly comprehend the degree to which Sri Lankans living at home are affected by the war. Tearne speaks of suicide bombers in the 60's however suicide bombings are a sympton of the crisis with the LTTE and did not begin till the 80's. Similarly, the thoughts of the De Silva's on returning to Sri Lanka are negated due to the curfews and constant fightings on the streets. As maybe the impressions of lots of immigrants, Colombo is not constantly under fire and people living inside houses with doors bolted. Life goes on. In 'Bone China', life went on for Grace, Aloysius and Frieda amidst growing turmoil. Their eventual experiences were perhaps not completely understood by the rest of the De Silva family as all horrors become magnified as they sail abroad.

All in all, 'Bone China' was a magnificent read. In the same genre as 'July' and 'When Memories Die', this book captures the essence of Sri Lanka. What it is to live here, what it means to leave it and the sheer joy of the eventual return.

2008 - year of crisis

2008-05-18T00:27:00.000-07:00

As of late there has been increased debate whether globalisation is really as worthy of the hype as it was previously thought. The current state of the world economy is testament to the fact that somewhere something has gone wrong.

Oil prices are reaching record highs at $127 per barrel. The credit crisis of last year is still evoking aftershocks as seen by the recent Bear Sterns, Fannie and Freddie crises. The financial markets seem to have no boundaries. Food is becoming a scarce commodity. What is going on?!

With the increase in globalisation, China and India has become increasingly larger importers of oil. With demand soon exceeding supply, we have the current situation with oil prices reaching record levels. Experts are predicting a $200 per barrel situation by the end of this year. If OPEC splits due to the rift between Saudi Arabia and Iran/Venezuela, it is certain that oil prices will reach perhaps higher than $200 per barrel. In a world run by oil, this would mean a catastrophe.

On the other side of the arena, we have the crises in Burma and China with thousands of people dead and equal numbers barely surviving with reduced aid. The momentum to donate to the Myanmar crisis was slower than that seen in previous cases such as the 2004 tsunami or the Pakistani landslide. Are people running out of their empathy or their money? Around the world inflation is steadily increasing. India reports 3% whilst Sri Lanka is at 30%.

Sri Lanka is in a crisis beyond the reach of monetary assistance. People being abducted. Kidnapped. Murdered. No law. Genocide in the smaller scale. Bombs set off by persons that are not related to the terrorists. Who is doing what? Noone knows. What is the solution? Only a few dare to speak of it. Others leave.

This is not a proud moment in history. People seem to have forgotten their humanity in the seeking of more more more. Greed - for power, for wealth, for glory seem to have taken precedence over kindness, generosity, truth and honesty. Will we get through this? I don't know. Will we have to change? For sure. Will we have to reassess our priorities as nations, economies, families and individuals? Yes.

I can only hope we start now. For very soon it may be too late.

Catch up!

2008-05-05T02:34:00.000-07:00

Hi All!!!

After a really very long hiatus I am back and what better way to catch up on 2007 than the checklist?? So here goes:

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
- I met an amazing human being, made a lovely bunch of girlfriends, had a job I thoroughly enjoyed, visited Singapore

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No but will make the same one this year, To go the gym religiously and get myself toned up!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yep, my cousin had a baby girl, my beautician had a baby boy :)

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nope, thank God

5. What countries did you visit? UK, Sri Lanka, India, Singapore

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? 2007 really had it all, I would just like to be just the way it was..

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The most amazing guy on earth became mine -08th of June

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Obtaining a job with an investment bank, finding someone to love, and meeting some people who are my best friends

9. What was your biggest failure? Stupid romantic choice at the beginnign of the year

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Not really :)

11. What was the best thing you bought? New laptops for me and my mum :)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My two best mates, my bf, my mum

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Close ex best friends

14. Where did most of your money go? In several long distance flights, lots of food and clothes :)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Seeing my bf for the first time after so many bouts of long distnace!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

I. happier or sadder? Happier.

II. thinner or fatter? Fatter

III richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Spent less time complaining and more time being productive

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Cribbing

22. Did you fall in love in 2007? YES and its the most exuberating experience EVER

23. How many one-night stands? None!

24. What was your favorite TV program? Grey's anatomy

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Probably not. More disappointed in certain people, proud of a whole bunch of other people!

26. What was the best book you read? There were many but Kite Runner by Khalid Hosseinin stands out!

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Indie, Alternative Rock, the awesome brit music scene! Not too much musical disvoceries going on last year

28. What did you want and get? Find good friends, Find a lovely bf, Find a great job

29. What did you want and not get? a few material possessions

30. What was your favorite film of this year? Becoming Jane, Ratatouille

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 23, went to India for pilgrimage

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Cant ask for anything more than what I received

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Comfortable yet trendy - ballet pumps all the way!

34. What kept you sane? Faith in God, Mum and a Few Good Mates

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Patrick Dempsey(LOL)

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Sri Lanka's ethnic crisis and political turmoil

37. Who did you miss? My bf :( when I was living away from him

38. Who was the best new person you met? My best mate Ned, the nicest specialiest girl around

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: Things can get better, there are such things as nice guys, girlfriends are ever so important they can cushion any fall, Sri Lankan food is the best in the world

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: L.O.V.E

Apologies!!

2007-03-28T08:36:00.000-07:00

Apologies for my absence!!! Been very busy actually living life as opposed to writing about it which I normally do! Anyways, missed my blog and figured I must at least have another post before March ends. No, I haven't been abducted by the aforementioned abductors!

Life's become pretty fun - after a huge hiatus from the romance scene since the ex, someone has appeared on the scene. Enjoying that butterfly feeling of a new interest and the blossoming of infatuation. I wrote about having no idea how to trust someone again but now I see that I've learnt from the past but not allowing it to stop the future. Well, not yet anyway. There are some complications with the current interest (hereby named X) however, since Im on holiday and am trying to let nothing upset this year, I'm taking them as they come!

Its a short post but just to let everyone know Im alive! and kicking! and hopefully I will get some inspirations to write more!

Intruders

2007-03-05T06:57:00.000-08:00

As of late, a recent night in Sri Lanka for an ordinary citizen is a rather vulnerable one. Whilst they are watching tv in the night they might have to accomodate some visitors.

Some who are known to them, family, friends, co-workers.

A number of people - slowly becoming the majority, whilst watching the tv, gets a knock at their door in the middle of the night. An armed group of civil clothed men drag a male from the family (the husband, the 17 yr old teenage boy) into a vehicle and leaves. They never hear from them again. There's a high incidence of bodies being discovered in marshes, rivers, beaches etc.

And then, the newest, a tv channel sends their reporters to houses in the middle of the night, requesting entrance to the house with cameras so that they would be able to see what the people are watching - if its a programme on the channel, they then recieve a prize.

So we Sri Lankans are very social:

Any night we can expect either our friends, a gun (our death) or a washing machine (our luck) to call at our front doors requesting entry.

Any other country offers this?

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY, BLOG!

2007-02-24T01:10:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY TO MY BLOG!!!!

It's been a really good first year and its being there to document my feelings, rants and thoughts on various experiences since last Feb. I'm really happy that I continued to update it without leaving it after a while!!

Thanks so much to Blu for reading my posts and keeping me motivated to write more! Also to jetblossom, chalice and a few others who I met first on the blogosphere and was a great group of readers!

I wanted to get upto 50 posts this year and I think I managed around 47 so by next Feb, hopefully I'll add at least another 50 or more posts!!

Thanks loads everyone!! and

HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Brats and other Sri Lankan societical illnesses

2007-02-22T09:25:00.000-08:00

So, another rant post is on its way.

Sri Lanka is a small country with a population of just over 19 million. Colombo, then is a smaller city. Being a third world country with a war situation over the past 21 years, its not wrong to think that the majority of the population lives dismal lives, with a huge gap between the rich and the poor within this country. In Colombo, we find a situation where the country's current situation is only mirrored when the occasional bomb goes off, when we see the army and policemen at check points around the city and when we see the roads barricaded.

In Jaffna (Northern & Eastern Sri Lanka equally), there are people who can't get access to basics such as shampoo, soap, batteries and other essential items to lead a 'normal' life. These aren't the minority who face this situation, it is an entire section of the country. People in Batticaloa (East) live in refugee camps with mud as their floor and a bare canvas as their roof. They live in fear of the gun, fear of abduction and forced recruitment either to the guerilla fractions or to the army. There are 4 people being killed every hour in Sri Lanka. A large part of tsunami victims live without homes, without family members, without a form of employment. In a country, where such a large number of people face one crisis after another, such a large number live in dire poverty and oppression, what do Colombo persons do?

I used to be part of the people who go clubbing every weekend, dinner at 5 star restaurants in the nights, not a care in the world except who did what last night with who. However, as I grew both in age and life experience, it became essential to question this behaviour and whether it is right to do this. Sri Lanka is a small country therefore our nightly joy can be seen by those that suffer, is this right?

A perfect example - HI magazine: a societical magazine that shows the Colombo socialites out and about at their respective cocktail gigs (about 70 pages of this) and the last two pages are dediacted to the occurences around Sri Lanka over that period - women crying, houses burnt and other dismal pictures stare back at you. This is the reality of Sri Lanka. So how can we behave like this does not happen? That it doesnt happen here, where this party is going on, where Im sipping this cocktail - there are people without drinking water in the East. How can we as a nation be so apathetic?

So, someone tried to talk to me about Colombo society today and I wondered whether they were real! How can they even speak about the value of these bimbo females and males that go clubbing to the same spot every week meet the same people speak the same things and presume that their lives were so FULL? YES, if you can afford it, do it. But - where do we draw the line? There has to be a line doesnt there?

This is an ideal example of the strict divide between the rich and the poor in this country. The disillusionment of the masses with the situation in the country cannot be reflected by these individuals. But aren't we living in the same country?

Everyone needs to go out and have a good time. However, this type of societical illness where people go out only to see and be seen in a country that is so afflicted with problems seems a problem that is reflected on a larger scale by the war that is going on in the country which doesn't seem to have a solution in the near future.

Common Cold - bah

2007-02-18T21:56:00.000-08:00

I ve been a perpetual sufferer of the common cold - fondly known as the 'cold' all around the world - and its amazing how this virus mutates itself so that it finds new innovative ways of annoying me the moment I think I know it!

I won't go into deep details - otherwise gory, but its just so irritating when I finally think I know how to deal with this cold and how it'll pass, it mutates and starts attacking in a different manner. For the past three years, if I got it, it stays for three days - the middle day being right bad and me sniffling through the minutes and then it goes away. Now, its mutated version being it irritates my nose bed in the middle of the night for around 5 hours and goes away in the morning thus leaving me without sleep and very very annoyed!

For all the advancements of science, I wish they could find a way to eradicate this bug once and for all! Not to say that this deserves more confidence than a cure for cancer or HIV.

Hachchoo, Ill be back soon!

Deep

2007-02-16T03:22:00.000-08:00

'Could fulfillment ever be felt as deeply as loss?' - asks Kiran Desai in her novel 'Inheritance of Loss', triggering off a thought trend of my own.

We feel loss to the core of our being to the point where we can immerse and lose ourselves within that loss. Where it becomes all consuming and we fail to acknowledge logic or reason. We fail to see reality and the notion that come what may, we will survive. This feeling will last for minutes (least) and years (at the most)

Could we ever feel fulfillment that - fully? (for the lack of a better word?) Could the happiness you derive from having one you love acknowledge their love for you, or the happiness you experience when you get that call offering you your ideal job - ever be felt so completely as you would the sadness of unrequited love or failure? As a species, are we completely immersed in our sorrows that happiness is merely a gap between two sorrows?

We are told by various books, movies, art to live in the moment. Our inability to live in the present without wandering off into the past or future may be the reason behind our elongated sorrows and fleeting happiness. Funnily enough, the one that we should let engulf us is the one we view as fleeting. And perhaps this is because we don't experience it as fully as we should. We don't scream out in happiness when we should for fear the public might think us odd however we never fail to quietly cry when the sorrow becomes too much for us to handle - forgetting who's watching.

Thats it for my ramblings.. Let me know your thoughts!

VD Day :p

2007-02-12T20:30:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the morbidity! As VDay approaches, I am happily in my little cocoon of solitude - reading books, watching past OC/OTH episodes and trotting around Sri Lanka. I just thought I'll epitomise the feelings of all singletons by this little post.

Surprisingly, I currently don't feel any sadness or emptyness for not having a significant other during this time of year. The sloppy adverts on tv simply waste my time and I get to see the commercial side of an event that perhaps went unnoticed a year or so ago. I watched a movie recently, that kind of reminded me of the ex. However, instead of feeling sad and wanting him back it just made me want to run away from any guy I might potentially like and potentially likes me. I don't see the point of entering into these situations when it comes without doubt that they will entail some serious painful times.

Yes, the eternal optimist in you is screaming out at me - but thats the whole point! Yes, it is. But I would rather spend my time being unattached, without worrying why someone hasn't called me, not wanting to see anyone and have them not wanting to see me, or missing someone even when they are sitting right next to me. The whole concept of growing old with someone and having that support as you grow older and a little bouts of osteoporosis sets in does matter but then you have to deal with that attachment. Attachment leads to all sorts of chaos. What if that person passes away before you after 30 years of marriage? Then you're left with an emptyness that noone could possibly fill within you. Or not. I have no idea!!

Anyways, this year my plan is to finally concentrate on my career. Get myself strong enough to fight the corporate rat race from June. Sort myself out.

Disattachment is the key; but for those who have someone loving and who you love equally back - Congratulations with all my heart!! And I wish you a Happy Sappy Valentine's Day!

Culture shocks... in little bouts

2007-02-07T21:50:00.000-08:00

I've been watching American Idol for a few years now and been an avid viewer of the UK version 'X Factor'. Sad to say I missed it completely in 2006 due to my travels around the world. I love Simon Cowell - I love his honesty and his typical Brit sarcastic wit! Although would hate to actually be criticised by him!

Anyways, so when I returned to spend a few months in Sri Lanka this time, I have been watching the Sri Lankan version - Sirasa Super Star. Although both highly enjoyable programs for purely its entertainment value, by comparing the two programs you can observe the cultural differences between Sri Lanka and the States.

1) Songs sung/voices present in candidates -

In American Idol, you are guaranteed to be blown away by some people's voices and reduced to giggles (or barrels of laughter) in other cases. Even the worst singer, entertains. Some dance, some scream, others howl and some are incredibly good singers. They sing anything from Marvin Gaye to The Pussycat Dolls! In SS, the female voices are perpetually similar. All high pitched and the only variation being some grate on your nerves whilst others don't. They all sing old songs from the by gone era without considering any of the new songs that artistes have released (and that are more suited to the younger generation's voices). The males generally have a range of pitches and keys therefore a little more enjoyable to listen to. Thus being the reason that in the previous season, the final 12 contestants were all male.

In this case, you can see a nation thats stuck solely in the past. Younger generation in order to connect with the judges (who are all singers in their own right) sing that generation's songs. This is not condemned at all by me however we must try to lift up from the sycophancy and through challenging the normal order can we progress as a nation.

2) The judges and attitudes towards judges

In X factor as well as Idol, you see Simon as the 'mean judge' (who usually states the truth without honey coating it), Paula Abdul as well as Sharon Osbourne act as a pacifier and generally thinks all contestants are 'fabulous' (especially by the last round) however I love both judges. And Randy (who I won't compare to Louis since I reckon Randy is far better than him!). Anyways, these three judges go onto judge in excess of 50,000 candidates.

In SS, last year there were three judges for 7000 candidates, but this year the applicants have increased to 50,000 therefore they have taken on a group of 18 judges to rotate themselves amongst the rounds. This shows the general lacadaisical approach to life by Sri Lankans - although you really can't blame them - who wants to listen to 25,000 screeching female voices to find 12 good ones. (NOTE: Some girls are actually incredibly singers, I dont wish to detract from their talents because of the majority bad ones). Not only does this rotation of judges prove that Sri Lankans can't handle the load but it also hinders equal opportunity towards the candidates. We each vary in the way we hear things therefore if I judge your singing and someone else judges it, we are bound to hear two different things depending on our tastes and therefore you are at a disadvantage. It is a lottery as to whether you'll get a judge who likes your singing or not. As a science graduate, I must definitely show this as a limitation of this experiment :D

Anyways, as far as approaches to judges go, the Sri Lankan reaction shows the innate sense of hospitatility, courtesy that we have. Hardly any leave the judging room without a smile full of humility on their faces. Even if the judges rip their singing, they come out and say they judges know best. Only a mere 2% or so actually comes out and criticise the judges decisions. It shows that we still have respect for those that know better than us. This is a most admirable characteristic in our culture. However, most problems in Sri Lanka tend to come from the fact that sometimes we don't stand up for our causes. We sit back and elect rubbish politicians to handle the war or the economy and smile and take it when they make a mess of it. We bear our problems with a mere shrug and a thought that this is how God intended it.

All in all, both shows are thoroughly enjoyable and the ones that come out at the end are incredible singers. Sometimes moving us to tears with some of their renditions. I am a big fan of a few of the previous SS contestants. Both shows - whatever the composition of canditates or outlook on life, provide an unparalleled opportunity for otherwise unnoticed talent to shine and allow us to experience this talent!

And for this, we are grateful!

With dance we go forth...

2007-02-07T01:02:00.000-08:00

The ultimate graceful dancer I have seen is Madhuri Dixit, after which comes a close second Aishwarya Rai. Both Bollywood actresses of extreme beauty and now of effortless grace. India has seven classical dance forms, the one I am most interested is Kathak. Its fluid motions appeals to the senses and the stories that the dancer dictates appeals to the mind. To learn an art form such as this is said to discipline the mind as well as the body.

Since I have a good six months of pretty much nothing to do I am hoping to learn this ancient dance form. I am hoping to find a teacher within Sri Lanka however if none are available with high standards of teaching, I am willing to move to Bangalore to study the dance there. In the east, dances such as this are taken to be spiritual art forms, with 100% dedication required of the dancer in order to achieve high standards. Something like dance bootcamp but you end up with a lot more than how to dance within you.

I recently read a book that asked what would happen to these classical institutions of culture within India and the east once globalisation takes its root and begins to grow. Will they need to be erased to enter into a flatter world or will they spread from country to country? As a Sri Lankan I doubt I can achieve the same graceful and fluid motions that these Indian artistes are so incredibly capable of , as it is in the rhythm is in their blood. This is a statement you would here most often if you come to the East. Certain things are 'in your blood'. In scientific terms, one might think this means it is present in your genes.

I recently sat through a 2 hour Sri Lankan Sinhalese movie and a 3 hour Indian movie. The Sri Lankan was slow, boring and made me want to either sleep or hang myself from the overhead fan numerous times. Whilst the 3 hour Hindi one passed by in such a swift movement and carried me away with it so beautifully I was left speechless at the end of the movie.

I think movies came into being to help people escape reality. When movies are cumbersome, it makes us wonder what these directors are really trying to achieve. Movies are meant to inspire people to better themselves, to become more creative, or to recharge their batteries that have been spent living a weary life. I will go into all this more into greater depth at a later post.

I hope alls well everywhere!!!

A belated look back on 2006

2007-02-02T00:34:00.000-08:00

I nicked this from Recent Life of Me blog but I reckon its a cool way to look back and summarise 2006!

2006
1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? Went to TWO James Blunt concerts and a Snow Patrol concert, refused to get my heart broken, moved house four times in one year, fell in 'like' with someone Ive never met before! Lost myself, start this blog!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No but will make the same one this year, To go the gym religiously and get myself toned up!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nope, thank God

5. What countries did you visit? Aussie, Maldives, India, Sri Lanka and UK

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? A good job that I like and a great group of friends I make an effort with and who makes an effort with me!

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Sept 12th - I stood up for my worth

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Making loads of new friends during my Aussie trip

9. What was your biggest failure? Losing myself, my motivation at the beginning of the year thus taking the whole year to find myself again

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Some, backaches, tummy pains, headaches

11. What was the best thing you bought? A ticket to the cinema, FOR ONE

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My mate, K--- and my mum's who were my rocks during my time of trouble

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Ex-bf, sometimes my dad

14. Where did most of your money go? LOL if only I could answer this question!!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Meeting my lil nephew for the first time in Melbourne!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2006? Run - Snow Patrol

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
I. happier or sadder? Happier.
II. thinner or fatter? Fatter
III richer or poorer? Poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Spent less time complaining and more time being productive

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Cried.

22. Did you fall in love in 2006? Almost, stopped myself at the nick of time luckily!

23. How many one-night stands? None!

24. What was your favorite TV program? One Tree Hill

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Probably not. More disappointed in certain people, proud of a whole bunch of other people!

26. What was the best book you read? There were many but Kite Runner by Khalid Hosseinin stands out!

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Indie, Alternative Rock, the awesome brit music scene!

28. What did you want and get? To get over my heartbreak. To figure out what to do with my life.

29. What did you want and not get? Things to get better with my ex, a few material possessions

30. What was your favorite film of this year? Pursuit of Happyness, Fanaa

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was 22, packed my bags so I can catch my flight back to London in the night

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Gaining a guy I could love and trust

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? Comfortable yet trendy - ballet pumps all the way! Embraced that trend I did!

34. What kept you sane? Faith in God, Mum and a Few Good Mates

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Ryan Donowho (LOL)

36. What political issue stirred you the most? The fact that Global warming is not been considered by politicians as an important enough issue!

37. Who did you miss? Myself, and the life I wanted so badly

38. Who was the best new person you met? I met a bunch of awesome people this year, prolly my lil 2 year old nephew is the best!! he made me so happy!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: Don't be with someone who has to think twice whether they want to be with you - you are insulting yourself, You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, With the right people around you - even if you lose yourself you find yourself again, Be patient with people - don't take things personally, Value your good friends and don't waste time with people who never mean anything they say.Life is too Short for that!

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: And so this is Christmas, what have we done? Another year's over a New one just begun!

HERE'S TO 2007 AND ALL ITS SUCCESSES!

London - flying and back

2007-01-31T01:42:00.000-08:00

I am so very happy to say that I got the job applied for and will be returning to London at the beginning of July to start employment as an analyst at an investment bank over there! Very very happy! But ever so knackered. The trip was four days and constituted as much evevnts as two weeks would! But overall had a wonderful time.

This particular post is going to be woven around some thoughts I had regarding airline stewardesses and flying during my time in the air.

As a Sri Lankan person flying a Sri Lankan carrier, you would think that perhaps the air hostesses would be a little nice to their fellow countrymen. Technically each airline is servicing their country and then looking towards foreigners for enhanced business opportunities. This is why a British Airways flight from New York to Frankfurt stops in London and a Qatar Airways flight from Singapore to London stops in Doha on the way. Furthermore, an airhostess is present to attend to the needs of the passengers. Were they not there, we could easily get up, pour ourselves a drink and sit back down. Perform CPR on each other or find our own seats in the aircraft.

But at which point, did the air hostess become someone to appeal to for a glass of water?

What I mean is that, during my flight both to and fro from Sri Lanka and in over the 15 flights I've taken over the past year - I have found the majority of air hostesses to be anything BUT friendly. Flying Sri Lankan airlines, you have to press the little call stewardess button a good 5-10 times before an air hostess waddles past. And even then, she fails to see the light or hear the beep which occurs when the button is pressed. So in the event of desperately needing water, you have to resort to practically tripping the hostess when she passes you by to get her attention. Even then, it is around 7/10 times that you actually get the water you ask for.

I remember asking an air hostess for a pen on one of the flights, and being pleasantly surprised when she actually remembered to bring one for me within the next 15 minutes.

Another most annoying thing is meals. I don't know about you but I find it difficult to fall asleep on flights. After a while, I manage to finally doze off after finding a reasonably comfortable space of 1 foot to sleep in - and I get a hostess prodding me awake - for what? to give me a face towel, or give me a glass of water! (How about giving that glass of water when I asked for it in the first place??) This recent flight, there was a lady sitting across the aisle from me and she was happily sleeping away - when the hostess came about with wet towels, continued to prod her awake till she accepted one. Then the same woman fell asleep again to be awoken to be presented a packet of nuts. Its absolutely ludicrous! Where is the sense in these employees? I spent a good 9 hours without being able to sleep and finally dozed off to be awoken by the hostess asking if she could clear my plate. Obviously if Im asleep and the plate is empty - there is nothing else to do but clear it! Unless I wanted to take home the horrendous souvenir for my maid as how NOT to cook a meal!

To get a smile out of any stewardess is a challenging task. Sri Lankan stewardesses are mostly complimentary and full of smiles for westerners and towards Sri Lankans they carry a most haughty air. In this event, they must be reminded that their job is to provide a comfortable journey from our embarkation point to our disembarkation point regardless of colour, religion, race or job description. In the case of other carriers, specially some noted for their irregular dishing out of smiles, you find that the caucasian air hostesses treat any one other than their fellow caucasians with a hint of condescendedness (if there is such a word). Again, if you don;t like serrving people this really isn't the job for you!

But at the same time, I must remember some of the lovely air stewardesses and stewards I've met on my travels. Because of their grumpy counterparts, their optimistic and friendly outlook is further enhanced and remembered with fondness. A flight is a gruelling journey, especially for those on cattle class. And regardless of income, some people choose to travel cattle class since it seems a bit ridiculous to spend extravagant amounts of money on just 11 hours of flying time. Therefore, it is upto airlines to ensure that their employees are trained to be courteous, full of common sense and people who love their jobs. Otherwise, it is us who begins to hate travelling!

Travelling On...

2007-01-21T00:05:00.000-08:00

As Blu recommended in a comment to my last post, I'm going to try make the extra effort, to write more in my blog this year!

Starting on, I don't think I said enough about my India trip! So let me elaborate:

I decided to escape the drunken New Year's Eve shananigans in Sri Lanka by heading off to India for the week of 26th-3rd Dec! What a marvellous decision this was! My mum and I went to Chennai (previously known as Madras) first. This is the capital of the South Indian province of Tamil Nadu. Its by the sea however Indian seashore's (apart from Goa) have to be taken with a pinch of salt. There is such a difference between India and Sri Lanka that even uptill now I really cant put my finger on it.

Sri Lankans are more westernised, the roads are full of BMWs and Mercs as well as the huge buses that drive like there's no tomorrow (which is the case for some of the ill fated passengers), there's a more greener, cleaner outlook to Sri Lanka. However, India is such a hub of activity, the people all dress similarly : men - moustache, shirt untucked and trousers and chappels (flip flops), women- sari or salwar. The roads are more chaotic but its a chaos which has an order behind it. The Sri Lankan roads are chaotic solely because the driver behind the wheel has no care in the world other than gettin to the place he is meant to be - no notion of courtesy or such. Indian roads are chaotic yet the people are civil, dusty yet cool, brown yet colourful. Its truly a treat for the senses

I found I enjoyed my trip to India more than I did my one to Aussie. The books are so much cheaper and what a huge number of LARGE bookshops there are! The saris are so beautiful. The food just delicious! India really impressed me this time around - I have been there around 20 times since I was 5 yrs old seen that Sri Lanka and India are neighbours but never was I largely taken up by India than I was this time.

However, you see a country that has developed and is developing at a fast pace.. however, the people are being left behind. They are going at a slower pace than the economy. A fraction of the population now have the capability to work in multinational firms that the Indian economy attracts however, those that do not (such as the large percentage of the population that lives in rural India) gets left behind. So there are many ironies and descrepancies that needs to be sorted out before India really hits the level of a developed nation. But it truly is a nation to be reckoned with!

I strongly urge everyone to visit there..

Im off to London for a week on Wednesday for a job interview so pls pray for me and wish me luck!!

Speak soon xxx

HAPPY NEW YEAR.. N dont go away

2007-01-16T03:13:00.000-08:00

Hi all!!

Im sorry I havent posted in so long but its such a mission to load blogger on this network connection!!

HAPPY new year to all.. again! and hope you all had a great start to the New Year!

So far, mine has been good - nothing spectacular but no hassles or worries and life seems to be going decently well! Thank God!

My trip to India was lovely! I enjoyed it immensely. Travelled to Chennai, Bangalore and to a town outside of Bangalore. To see the Indian people, their way of life, the pace at which the country is developing, the sense of culture - it just fills you up inside! And the food is yummy! Of course, I didnt drink the water - mineral water all the way. But the rest of the world better take note: India is definitely stepping up!

This isnt going to be a large post... i will write soon but pls keep reading me and dont go away!

MERRY XMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2006-12-23T21:34:00.000-08:00

WISHING ALL MY LOVELY FRIENDS A MERRY XMAS AND A HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR WHERE ALL THE DISAPPOINTMENTS OF THE LAST YEAR IS LEFT BEHIND AND NEW SUCCESSES ARE APLENTY!!!

This is probably my last post for this year since I'm off to India on Wednesday and after that it will be a new year!! I look forward to reading everyones lovely posts and hope you will visit my page to read my rambling ons!

LOTS AND LOTS OF XMAS CHEER TO ALL!!!!!!!!!

Old year, New year, Decisions and Consequences

2006-12-19T21:43:00.000-08:00

I apologise for my being silent for a while now.

I came back to Sri Lanka and have been enjoying being at home! So before I even begin to look back at my year, I have to try and make a decision - a big decision - that will determine which way my 2007 will go.

I miss London - I think anyone could have figured that one out by now. Aussie's is great but it's great for a holiday. Neither city - Melbourne nor Sydney - could match upto the vibrancy and cosmopolitan style of London. And once you're used to that - you're doomed. Its like moving from New York to say, Florida. Both great places but great in two different ways. And in the UK, its like moving from London to Nottingham. So, I'm torn. My brain literally feels like mush everytime I start to think about this.

The benefits of Aussie eventually are great but then I literally cringe at the thought of going to live there.

Anyway, so I need to make up my mind!!!

I'm off to India after xmas for a week! Looking forward to that!

This year has been one of mighty big travels!

WISH YOU ALL A VERY MERRY XMAS!!!!!!!!!!!

With who lies the blame?

2006-12-19T03:26:00.000-08:00

WARNING: Bit of a serious post

I just finished watching the movie 'Shooting Dogs' with Hugh Dancy and John Hurt. The movie revolved around the 1994 Rwandan genocide. This movie repeated several main factors that were also shown in the movie 'Hotel Rwanda'. For example, the abandonment of the Rwandan people by the UN in the face of apparent danger. But I'm not here to criticise the decision's made in the past. But as one person, to try and draw a lesson from it so that it stops repeating itself over and over again.

The Rwandan genocide occured when the Hutus started massacring the Tutsis. Who are they? They are all Rwandans. Just different tribes. Over 800,000 men, women and children were massacred in broad daylight (and nighttime). So we say okay its Africa, it doesn't happen here. Doesn't it? We saw it in the 1940's - Nazi's slaughtering hundreds thousands of Jews, we saw it in the 50's, 70's and 80's in Sri Lanka. The problem with this is that the international community chooses too carefully which conflicts are brought to its attention and which conflicts are left to resolve themselves. In 1983, in Sri Lanka, thousands of Tamil people were murdered everywhere in the island by the majority Sinhalese. This was - as was the Rwandan - a planned genocide. Lists were made by the massacring parties of the houses and businesses of the minority people and attacked systematically. Houses were burned, people in their cars were set on fire, people were thrown onto tyres and burnt alive, hacked to death, raped, businesses looted.

Why?

There are thousands of reasons you and I and any historian can come up for these massacres, but at the root of them all are two things:

POWER and INSECURITY

People who want power feed on the insecurity of the lower classes to gain it. What are these people's insecurities? Someone will take my job, someone will get a promotion, someone will go abroad, someone will enter govt, someone will be able to feed their children, someone will get a nice house or a car - and that someone won't be me. Humans all need someone to blame. When in reality, they should be blaming corrupt politicians and inefficient governments that can't provide sufficient jobs and a sustainable economy. The politicians knowing that the masses are better diverted elsewhere with their anger and unrest than let the brunt of it fall onto themselves, point their fingers. The Nazi's say the Jews are taking the jobs, The Hutu leaders point the finger at the Tutsis and the Sinhalese politicians pointed it at the Tamil population.

Thus the masses - instead of thinking twice - take up their swords and go amarching.

This isn't a phenomenon of the past. The unrest is still alive. That is why there is no solution to the ethnic problem in Sri Lanka. Generation after generation gets fed the same ideas, thus react the same way to the accusation of corrupt politicians. There has to be a change!

So in this festive season, when all over the world people are celebrating the birth of Christ and the entrance of a brand new year, we must remember the people that have died over the years due to the ignorance of others. We must think of the people in various corners of the world, suffering due to the political greed of their leaders. And we must enable a change.

We must not just hope for peace in this world - but work together to achieve it.

Last leg of Aussie tour..

2006-11-28T18:02:00.000-08:00

I am finally on my last week of the Aussie tour. It has been thoroughly enjoyable and most challenging! Sydney is BEAUTIFUL!!! When I landed, I was actually awe-struck (I never get awe struck btw not even by London since Im too busy trying to spot all the buildings I work/live/socialise in) - but this was just beautiful! It was like a postcard.. The harbour, the boats, the gorgeous houses with swim pools facing the harbour. STUNNING!

But then calamity struck me once I landed in several ways which I don't wanna go into but it got me thinking, Sydney is beautiful but if I choose it as the city to live in - I might end up in the same situation as I did in London. A gorgeous city but too expensive to fully enjoy and alone again. I got family here but its nothing like the one I got in Melbourne - these ppl are too conservative and old fashioned (with really good hearts tho) but the ones in Melb are closer to me as I grew up with them, they are closer to my age and know that sometimes a girl's gotta wake up at noon, gotta forget to clean her room and gotta GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!! After all I'm 23 and not 12 so I don't need people that aren't my parents, parenting me! And after been in London by myself - I am REALLY not used to ANYONE parenting me or trying to baby me. It just irritates me so I've been irritated most days this past few weeks.

Also, I wanna get a house and a car so it might just be too expensive in Sydney to do this. Although its so beautiful and I wish I could start calling it home - I don't want to start making the same mistake again. WHOOSH calamity strikes!

Otherwise, I'm finally leaving pretty Australia and heading back to Sri Lanka on Sunday. Am totally looking forward to going back home (something I haven't felt in two years probably because London was more my home than SL was). I'll be off to India on the last week of December so more flying to do!!!

Stay tuned for more inspiring posts!

An Ode to Pain

2006-11-22T00:28:00.000-08:00

I have been suffering for a good 20 hours now with some serious abdominal pain. I feel like my intestines in my upper and lower right regions are being twisted and poked with needles. Trust me, its MOST painful and I have NOO idea why. I keep thinking its appendicitis but then it doesn't sit well with the rest of the appendicitis symptoms. Even when I sleep I either have to turn sideways and curl up into a foetal position and the last I tried, even that didnt take the pain away. So in utter agony, I tried to take the positive thinking and praying approach and lucky for me, the pain has now slowly subsided. Its still giving me some serious wave cramp pains but its not much compared to what I had before.

So I thought, we never appreciate how utterly PAINLESS our day to day existence (physically) is till something like this happens. I look at the left hadn side of my abdomen and its so peaceful, no pain. But the right hand side is just like a squirming snake. Now that the pain is slightly receding I thought I'd write a little something to celebrate the existence of opposites so we can appreciate them more.

Without bad luck, we will never appreciate good luck,
Without ill health, we will never appreciate wellness
Without poverty, we cannot appreciate wealth
Without hate, we cannot appreciate love
Without sorrow, we cannot appreciate joy
Without death, we cannot appreciate life

If my blessings hold on and the pain recedes into nothing... I promise from here on to take better care of my body and appreciate every day I have with great health

I wish you all the same!

An old fashioned RANT

2006-11-16T03:53:00.000-08:00

This is going to be a post just to get rid of all the things that are annoying me today OUT of my system to stop it further corroding my brain processes!

So, first thing that annoyed me potentially was this:

Im currently staying at my cousin's in Melbourne and apart from my cousin and me, there lives her husband, her 2 yr old baby and her husband's 20 yr old cousin. NOTE: IM 22 going on 23 veeery soon. Anyhow.. this dude has been acting too big for his boots during my stay but I try to be polite - he is perpetually saying things that kind of creeps me out (for eg. when do you plan to get married? like hello! ARGH so infuriating - even if I get married tomorrow, I sure as hell aint marrying him!!!) So, after a week or so of just trying to ignore his presence, I've been feeling bad so I've managed to put up the basic conversation of late and I was actually thinking maybe I totally misjudged his intentions (so to speak) - and then today I get a call from him when I was with my cousins asking me to not say a word to them and whether I'd like to go to a movie with him. I was like errrr.... no, thanks. And I definitely told my cuz about this! I mean it was CREEPY!!! Being the shallow being that I am, if he was decent looking, I would not have minded so much - but he's just so the opposite of what I'll ever find attractive and even more, his personality is an even bigger turn off!! So I've just been feeling really annoyed/irritated/awkward about it! So when he comes home, I try not to talk to him and keep out of his way - I mean, poor dude after all he did get shunned. but the ass comes and asks me if I'm mad at him and blah blah and I'm just like PLSSSS leave me be!! This is all because I'm leaving to Sydney tomorrow.

Second:

This is more saddening than annoying at all! My mate who I spoke of a few posts back (the one that broke up with the boyfriend because he wasn't appreciating her enough) well the boyfriend was an equally good friend of mine - More like a brother really and she started getting anal that he and I were friends after him and her breaking up, so I decided to stay away from them ALL for the past year. But I found out today that his mum had died TWO months ago and I had no idea!!! She's been having lung + brain cancer for a few years now and the last I heard was that she was doing a bit better. I felt as if my whole being sank when I heard it today. He is as close to his mum as I am to mine and I can imagine how his entire being must have just fallen apart after that. I hope he's strong. My prayers are with his family. This just makes me FURIOUS at my mate. Who can't put PETTYNESS behind her even in times like this and just TELL me that a friend's mum had died especially since the reason I stayed away was because of HER in the first place!!! I'm going to email him and explain how I had no idea and hopefully since he knows me he will know I'm telling the truth. I just feel rubbish. Like I'm a completely rubbish friend.

Third:

I told you all how I've started a lifecoaching course. Well, as part of starting up the business I gotta get some clients to do trial sessions with me and perhaps sign up for long term coaching. I put up some adverts and this lady emailed me and I spent a good two days emailing her real long emails, going through her problems with her, structuring how our coaching would work and I geniunely wanted to help her! I was even going to waive the fees then she sends me this real rude email about how she is a life coach too and how she didn;'t tell me about it and how she can train me and the only way she'll pay me is if I coach her well enough to get her to her goals and if she thinks its satisfactory then, I'll get my pay. I'm so INFURIATED at the fact that she just LIED to me, wasted my time and efforts and I feel used! In the sense that, when I was answering questions so openly and honestly for her, she was using it to assess my worth as a coach!! This made me even want to stop coaching all together but then I thought, if I do that, I'll be letting her and other like minded lunatics like her win. SO, I'm going to keep trying to become a better coach. I will use this experience as just that, experience. So if any of you know anyone who would liked to be coached, pls send them my way!

All in all, I just feel like screaming out at the top of my lungs!!!! PEOPLE are so INFURIATING. They are so narrow minded, petty, rude or harsh OR have completely lost the plot like the one in my first problem.

I feel all the more better after writing all this. I can really see the therapeutic value of a blog now. I apologise if I scared any of you off!!

Musings.. I muse..

2006-11-12T15:45:00.001-08:00

I had a most fun weekend here in Melbourne with my mate from school - stayed over at hers and she showed me around the city and the good places to shop and so on and so forth. She insisted she wants to live with me if I ever move to Melbourne to do my Masters - she currently lives with her boyfriend. He's 20, she's 23 and the arrangement is clearly not working out because she is having to mother him through life.

I went to a rather good school where the kids always enjoyed a plush lifestyle and never for once did I think that anyone else - except a few noted exceptions - actually had to struggle to survive after they left home. (Most don't - they plunder their parents money on weekend binges). So when I met my mate again after a year and a half I was heartbroken to find out her situation. She's dropped out of uni and is playing house with this dude. She works in a pancake shop from 5pm to 1am or 10 am to 5pm, 5 days a week. All money she earns goes to paying the rent + utilities and nothing is left for her to enjoy life or buy something for herself. He doesn't let her keep any friends because he's ultra possessive. Although he can go out in the night, she cannot. He treats her as if she's there to do his laundry and clean up after him and overall, it was purely awful to see someone in that state! She can't leave him because she's been with him for 6 years and has no idea of life without him and feels she doesn't have a good enough support network in Melbourne to actually make it on her own and more than that, everytime she says she wants to leave he threatens to ruin his studies or commit suicide!!

Talk about checkmate!

So, I am here rambling about this to figure out why do some men/boys behave like this? Is it difficult to conduct such a serious relationship with someone younger than you at this age? Why do women put up with it? I say now, I would never put up with it but then we all saw how low I fell thanks to my ex over the summer! It takes all the will one has to not run for one's life when one sees a potential partner approaching after hearing and seeing these stories.

How is it that in some relationships love grows from nothing? And in some, the love that was so strong dwindles into nothing? We are back at the same argument about taking for granted! When we grow to believe someone is always going to be there, we automatically manage to stop putting in that much effort and value into little things. Its human nature but it cannot be used as an excuse. If that is the case, then is it not important that we marry our best friends? Someone who we know is going to love us and take care of us and treat us well because they place such importance on our happiness?

In life, we can't live long enough to make all the mistakes. We got to learn from other's mistakes too. As I told my mate, when we look back on our lives we will see the many opportunities we had to make a choice - the different decision that would have changed the course of our life! - and we get this chance very often. So to make sure she makes the choices that she will be proud of when she looks back. And do whats best for her. Because at the end of the day, we are all we have.

TIME TO BREAK THE BLOCK

2006-11-03T22:47:00.000-08:00

Olrite ppl.. Here I go, withstanding the complete writer's block that I have been complaining about I decided to just sit down and write whatever I can possibly think about. From the length of that sentence, you can see that I'm still trying to think and therefore trying to elongate the sentences.

I've been chilling out in Melbourne for the past few weeks. Life's very slow paced here and I've been having some serious homesickness. Thus the previous London entry. Its just that, ever since I was small I've loved historical cities - Paris, Rome, London - you can see these cities have survived harsh times and spurted out great people. The buildings with its ancient stones, large streets, cobbled pavements mixed with the latest metropolitan lifestyles adds a lot of spark to a city. This is lacking in Australia since its such a new country. Melbourne the city has a grid like structure and they are developing it continuously so it has loads of skyscrapers coming about. But I feel it just lacks that spark I so desire in a city. I always considered London, the tube, its roads and its buildings to be my friends and no matter how crappy life can get there - the city is just amazing.

On a better scale (so as not to put off any further visitors to Melbourne), it does have amazing beaches. The ppl have such an easy lifestyle - I think Americans might be more used to this than Brits - where everything has its own pace. Ppl are incredibly friendly - I had a nice chat with a lady at the busstop yesterday about a dress she saw in a magazine which she planned to buy - this will never happen in London. People mind their own business. But here, people acknowledge each other as people. Not as some block in the way of you getting to where you have to be. I have not felt lonely for a single minute here in Aussie land even if I was walking alone in the city. Although, sometimes it will be nice if people didn't stare too much. At first, I was a bit suspicious why they were being so friendly but now I just realise its their way.

I'm off to Sydney on the 17th which should be nice since its meant to be far more metropolitan and water based than Melbourne. So I shall let you all know how that goes.

Other than that, life is super duper! I seem to have broken my writer's block and I'm going to go eat more nice yummy food!

Till next time...

Adios!

PS. I just read one of my posts from March I think- the friend I spoke of that left me, actually did come back and although we never did get the romance part of it going he is now one of my bestest friends and Im so glad he's in my life. It just all works out for the best doesnt it?! :D

Fear

2006-10-28T21:21:00.000-07:00

A little excerpt from 'Life of Pi'- that I thought really puts fear into perspective:

I must say a word about fear. It is life’s only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. But disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt does away with it with little trouble. You become anxious. Reason comes to do battle for you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology.

But, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid low. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread.Fear next turns fully to your body, which is already aware that something terribly wrong is going on. Already your lungs have flown away like a bird and your guts have slithered away like a snake. Now your tongue drops dead like an opossum, while your jaw begins to gallop on the spot. Your ears go deaf. Your muscles begin to shiver as if they had malaria and your knees to shake as though they were dancing. Your heart strains too hard, while your sphincter relaxes too much. And so with the rest of your body. Every part of you, in the manner most suited to it, falls apart. Only your eyes work well. They always pay proper attention to fear.

Quickly you make rash decisions. You dismiss your last allies: hope and trust. There, you’ve defeated yourself. Fear, which is but an impression, has triumphed over you.The matter is difficult to put into words. For fear, real fear, such as shakes you to your foundation, such as you feel when you are brought face to face with your mortal end, nestles in your memory like a gangrene; it seeks to rot everything, even the words with which to speak of it. So you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don’t, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.”

What you think is what you are - and as the world will be what you see it as.

Don't let fear win the battle.

A tribute to London

2006-10-24T08:15:00.000-07:00

A small tribute to my beautiful London - the best city in the world and what dreams are made of.

Till I return, this is to suffice.

Pics are from personal collection plus a talented photographer at www.capturedsight.co.uk. Please visit his site for more amazing pictures of London.

From Melbourne, Australia, Earth

2006-10-22T01:01:00.000-07:00

Australia has been a welcome respite from the existential crisis I was suffering in the previous months. It has helped old wounds heal and unnecessary memories to be forgotten. I have been given a new purpose and the ability to forget the ambiguity of the past few months.

Looking back on them, I no longer feel any strong emotion towards them or the people that made them happy (specifically one). I just wish to move on - start a life and excel at it. Being around a 2 year old does help significantly (especially if its not your own)! You get to see the simplicity of life and the excitement with which it should be recieved. I'm not saying we all start our days screaming with joy but just appreciate that this is a new day and we have the chance to start over. And we all have the world as our oyster.

I've been feeling the need for a metropolitan hub since leaving London. I was merely fooling myself thinking I could lead a suburban life and be happy with just a local cafe in a 4 mile radius and that only opening on normal opening hours. I need that access at all times kinda feeling in the place I live in. Sydney may be more catered to that sort of life and Melbourne is a lot like that as well. One day, I hope I can live in NY too. Its very close to London but I hear its a lot dirtier :D

I'm continuing with my life coaching course. I think it'll give me enough tools to try get to my goals as well as an opportunity to help others. I have to do a Masters starting from Feb in a finance related subject since I think thats the best possible job preference for me. I have this unexplainable attraction towards commodity pricing and real estate. Odd.

Well Im off to do some living..

Speak soon!!

Aussie Land and its adventures...

2006-10-19T02:27:00.000-07:00

Perth was absolutely great! At first I took a while to get accustomed to the different way of life as opposed to London but once I started thinking that I'm on holiday there and I shouldn't compare the two cities - then I started having fun!

It's a lot like L.A., being very spaced out and big roads, palm trees! Ppl are constantly drinking in pubs in casual clothes leading me to question whether anyone actually works in this place. Clothes are cheap compared to London and they got some good shopping centres! The clubs are pretty good too - although I do miss the hustle and bustle of London. Im used to people rushing about and always having something to do whereas in Perth, people seem to be okay with not having anywhere specific to go in a hurry. I'm not sure whether I would be okay with living there but as a holiday it was awesome!

I led a bit of a student life in Perth since my cousin and her friends are still at uni - which was good! Now, Im in Melbourne and entertaining my little 2 year old nephew. He is adorable with the cutest smile! Melbourne's very different to Perth and has some amazing architecture! Its more of a metropolitan city and less fieldy. But again, the suburbs remind me of the States. I'm planning to apply to several different universities here and in Sydney for a Masters. I've decided to go back to doing Accounting as I can easily get Permanent Residency in Australia if I do that. After getting that and settling down, maybe I'll be able to do the life coaching course.

I'm off to Sydney in a few weeks. Just trying to occupy myself for a few weeks here. Should be interesting.

Will keep updating the blog!

Happy Weekend!!

2006-10-06T08:15:00.000-07:00

Happy weekend to aaaaalll!!!!

Im off to Perth on Sunday and I begin my long awaited travels in Australia. I'm totally excited. So far, my mates there have planned a week of whalewatching, sunsets over the sea, stargazin (don't ask!), beach tanning, aqwa (their underwater world) and zoo trips. Not to mention, I'll have to acquaint myself with Australian High Street brands - I am going to miss Topshop etc badly!!!

Well here's to longawaited new beginnings!!!!

Wish everyone an equally eventful week ahead... I shall keep the blog updated on my travels.

The past or the future?

2006-09-27T22:06:00.001-07:00

Two weeks into my strong breakup and stand towards what I'm worth, I'm happy to say that I have felt no remorse towards my actions. I have neither felt that I need him back nor that pain in the heart that I am so averse to. However, a new problem has arisen. The question of learning from one's mistakes and how much learning is too much learning?

With the ex, the relationship started so well and he portrayed the best of himself. I remember thinking so many times that I don't want anyone else for the rest of my life other than him. Such good times and special moments - such care it was incredible. And only when I think about those times do I feel sad. But then I think, hey it was the same guy (physically) who was there in July and August and September, it makes me sit up and take notice. Because it wasn't the same guy (emotionally/mentally) who was present then. The guy I met in the last three months was up on a pedestal -placed above me by himself. He was someone I had to yearn for to get some attention or some care. Someone I gave 110% towards because at some point he gave me that same promise but only actually delivered 50%.

So the question arises here. With the next guy who comes along, how much learning is too much learning? How much of what happened with the ex do I learn from? The need right now is to just pull away. I cannot comprehend how I will put myself in a place to trust another person again. How can I give 110% of myself again knowing that this person might not give even half of it back? How do I trust that this person is what he says he is? Do I just lock myself away from another, afraid of getting hurt again?

This once bitten twice shy scenario is present in all our lives. My mother spent most of her time and efforts on keeping my cousin and her little daughter happy a few years back. They then turned around and cut off contact with her just to get their mother's money (complicated don't ask!!) but now her sister has had a baby and is helping me a lot with my transition to Aussie land. Now, does my mother learn from her past and not give as much of herself to these ppl just in case they bite her hand as well? Or does she put the past in the past and take each person as a new leaf?

You can see this situation in big beaurocracies. A couple of Sri Lankan immigrants must have taken up illegal residency in Britain many years back but the ripple effect of this action affects us who are innocent now having to jump through many circus hoops to get visas to even visit the UK.

Does this trend of learning from our past make us slowdown as emotional human beings? Where do we draw the line between learning from our mistakes and carrying around emotional baggage?

As for me, I hope and pray that with time these feelings of betrayal will go away and I will be able to trust the next person who comes along. Not punish them for the ex's mistakes but be able to celebrate the fact that this person is different and therefore he will be acting in a different manner.

Back in Sunny Sri Lanka

2006-09-20T16:11:00.000-07:00

Packed my bags, shipped my stuff and left rainy London on Tuesday!

Back in Sri Lanka and enjoying a re-holiday since my last stint here was ruined by troubles with the bf. Now, I'm free. No more waiting for texts, no more feeling crap.. its an unbelievable feeling of freedom. And a week on, there's no pain in the heart. Even if I dream of him and wake up - NOTHING. Just goes to show my mind/heart far capable than I thought.

I've been reading a book called 'The Zahir' by Paul Coelho. I love his books. They are very inspiring and spiritual. He speaks of many truth s that either we forgoe as we go through daily life or choose to ignore every day! For instance, love and how we expect it to mold into this form that we expect instead of accepting that love is a greater force that will not be molded and that we should accept as it is!

Anyways, everythings been giving me great strength.

I'm here for two weeks and then off to Aussie land! Going to Perth first and then Melbourne and Sydney. Can't wait to hit the beaches. They are having their Spring now so that means, I would evade Winter for a good year before I have to encounter the cold!

Hope everythings well... I'll keep updating the blog with my travels!

An Inconvenient Truth

2006-09-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

This masterpiece of a documentary hits the arrow right on the target so precisely that you won't leave the cinema unchanged.

Al Gore is both an excellent communicator who effortlessly transfers his passion and commitment to this cause to us, the viewers. A man that can take up something as profitless as climate change and perform 1000+ slideshow presentations throughout the world with only a single goal in mind is rare to find. Especially one that has run for the President of the United States. With the current era of politicians harnessing war energy rather than green energy, it is refreshing to find one with a TRUE cause. A JUST cause. And a cause THAT NEEDS TO BE BROUGHT INTO OUR ATTENTION.

We need to see this documentary. We need to take action! We need to be jolted into action like Mr. Gore says at one point - because this change in climate has been approaching us steadily but now we feel its effects. Through our actions, we have raised global temperatures higher than they have been for 650,000 YEARS!! We are emitting an ALL TIME high of CO2. We are burning fossil fuels at a rate that has never been matched and its all going to keep increasing with China and other developing countries joining into the madness.

The United States still has not ratified the Kyoto Agreement 2000 to cut down carbon emissions. United States is the LAST nation to have fuel efficient cars. China has new coal reserves that as its cheap its gonna keep burning - come hell or high water!

WE NEED TO MAKE A CHANGE. Before the ice caps melt for good thus submerging the world in such a way that the atlas has to be redrawn! I can only state these small facts when there are so much more issues at hand! We have to make a change in what we are doing or come another twenty years and we won't have a world like we have now.

We owe it to ourselves. We owe it to our children. We owe it to our planet!

PLS go see An Inconvenient Truth!

Sign the petitions to lobby the govts to taking action!

Change how we live!

LETS MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!

Third day of Strength

2006-09-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

It has been two days since my 'standingupformyself' and I'm surprised to say that that feeling of heart wrenching pain in the chest everytime you think of the beloved is absent. *Touch Wood*. It usually gets me in my sleep, when I wake up momentarily and if I think of him and then the pain comes and sleep is difficult. But last night, I dreamt of him, woke up felt sad but that pain - the pain wasnt there!!! Maybe my heart is more wise than my brain. But I feel it and I know it, my heart is complete. Its more complete now than it was when I was with him.

There's no more vying for his attention. Sitting there hoping he would be nice or do something to make me feel special. By realising that I deserve better treatment than he has the capacity to give me, I made myself feel special. And I can feel that my heart appreciates it.

To follow on with this new found independance, I did the incredible! I went to the cinema, bought a single ticket and watched a movie by myself!! Maybe some of you already do it but for me that has been the ultimate challenge (in moviedom). To be enough comfortable by myself not to worry what people will think if I go cinema by myself. And it felt GREAT! I enjoyed the movie the same way I would have had if I had someone sitting next to me, I didn't think of the times he and I went to see movies together - I just enjoyed myself. I really gotta recommend it to you!

I have decided to move to Australia. The ultimate battle that rages in my head has finally been won. I know I'll be happier there with family, the sun, the sea and I can start my life! Its good!

So friends, I'm off to enjoy my last Friday as a Londoner! Yay

And remember 'Freedom comes from within'

Strong enough

2006-09-13T16:33:00.000-07:00

'I'm strong enough to live without you
Strong enough and I quit crying
Long enough now I'm strong enough
To know you gotta go

There's no more to say
So save your breath and walk away
No matter what I hear you say
I'm strong enough to know you gotta go'

MY theme tune!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear friends, fellow bloggers, ladies and gentlemen

I HAVE FINALLY STOOD UP FOR MY WORTH!!!

I told the guy to leave. From my mind, from my head and from my life!!

Because he kept making me feel a third rate version of myself. And now I feel I've found myself again! The me that had self confidence and self esteem and actually valued myself!

No guy/girl is worth losing yourself over.

Im happy!! Life is going to get BETTER!!

Trust the Universe

2006-09-08T12:28:00.000-07:00

And who can say otherwise when there are such breath taking sites in the world? If I was the adventurous type I'd just bungee jump off this but considering I'm not.. I'll just sit back and enjoy the view. Has the internet era taken us away from nature and reality as such?

The internet is a marvellous tool - consider its uses that we as lay people have: We can increase our knowledge (wikipedia), we can chat to friends for hours whereas if we had phoned them the conversation wouldn't have lasted that long nor been as multifaceted in topic (msn), we can search for flatshares (gumtree), we can meet new people (hi5, friendster) and we can post on forums and become this internet clique of friends (barficulture and etc).

If the internet never came about, I would never be writing this. I wouldn't have met SO many people that have made a difference to my life - either in a small or a big way, I wouldn't have a means of searching for a flat so easily, I wouldn't be able to check train times or the weather with such ease. The internet, to us, has become a tool of life. As necessary for communication as it is for knowledge. It helps us express ourselves in ways we otherwise could not have.

But how much are we relying on a piece of technology? And is that much, too much?

When the internet becomes more of a screen to hide behind and not face the real world, then I reckon we have problems. One of my friends, he's an intelligent, funny guy and he has been attempting to get a date (not with any low scheme in mind but simply for conversation and company - bc he gets a bit lonely) for a while now. Most of this has been through this forum that he posts on regularly and where they all know each other. But the impression we give of ourselves online - where we are less inhibited - and the impression we may give when we meet are two different ones. So he finds that when he meets the girl in person, she is either a moody cow or is not interested in talking to him as much as she would have been online. Either way, this hiding behind a screen situation would not have existed 40 years ago.

Our parents would have socialised with people that their circumstances brought them in contact with - therefore had mutual topics of interest, mutual friends etc. Now we have several billion people who would otherwise not have met, meeting! Its a great thing to make the world smaller, but at the same time are we bending the rules of engagement? Were we simply meant to stick to the people we know and thus not risk ourselves to the threat that might accompany meeting new people out of our cliched existence?

Before you think I'm biased or having a very antisocial outlook, I'd like to point out that some of my best friends Ive met through the internet, some of the people I pour my heart out to on postings such as this I ve met through the internet, my boyfriend I met over the internet - but when trouble comes my way it makes me wonder, has the internet changed the concept of fate or destiny? Or is it merely assisting it? Were we meant to meet or is this a bending of the rules as such because of the advent of the internet?

:D either way I love writing here! So I hope you ignore the rules and keep readin ;)

R.I.P Steve Irwin

2006-09-04T12:20:00.000-07:00

Steve Irwin - Croc Hunter - died today when a sting ray stabbed him in the heart.

This is just a little something to say R.I.P to a man who was brave and provided us with countless hours of entertainment at his own risk.

He must have lived a worthwhile life when that is all the news in everyones mouth today - be it in Australia, or London or blogland!

R.I.P STEVE IRWIN AND THANK YOU FOR THE CROCODILES!

Off on our merry way..

2006-09-02T09:07:00.000-07:00

I find that over the past few weeks, where I couldn't blog so frequently - partially bc my mind was full of problems and partially because there were too many things I needed to write about, I just kept away. Forgive me if this particular entry will be a bit mish mashed but here are the the topics that have been entering my head and yearning for expression during the odd days of staring at the Thames, feeling lonely, travelling the tube and so on and so forth.

1) Why do we blog? For me, it is this new world where I can express the thoughts that would find no audience anywhere in my physical reality. Be it about relationships, a song or the current oil situation! It also provides anonymity where judgment is ignored and acceptance is key. We all share no relation to each other except we enjoy reading each others writing and feel a sense of empathy or sympathy to situations. It is a world where we are FREE to be who we want to be! Where our deepest fears can be exposed and our strongest desires expressed. So, if you really want someone to know you - would you give them your blog URL? Has anyone done that? It would be the best way, I feel, for my significant other to really know me but at the same time, how can I let someone into this world? Would it not completely reduce its purpose after that? Will I still be free to write everything I feel or would I be too busy censuring my thoughts?

2) Relationships: Half my problems in the past has been this deep rooted feeling that 'there is MORE out there than this', that there has to be. All the hype about relationships provided to us from a young age through Disney Fairytales then TV soaps and movies and books - takes a seat within us. We plan fairytale weddings and wait for Prince Charming. Then, we grow up and reality affords us a far harsher view. So a relationship really isnt about fireworks (I got accustomed to that idea around 10 years ago) but is it just about putting up with each other? Surely, there has to be more - the enjoyment of ones company, the ability to get to know each other, appreciating ones differences, being partners! Those things are not what 'Sleeping Beauty' taught us but surely they are as wonderful! What is more beautiful than a couple thats been married for 60 years??

Here's a toast hoping that we all find what we are looking for! in SEPTEMBER!!! :D

September ahoooy

2006-09-01T05:34:00.000-07:00

Its September!!! The month of fresh starts, hope and new eras (As well as new tv seasons!!) I've always loved September. September - December has been in my head the brighter aura of the year. Whilst Jan- April is the darkest. I LOVE SEPTEMBER. Why?

Sept 97 - I changed schools and embarked on the best period of my life!! Met new friends, met new loves, obtained new goals!

Sept 99/00/01 - New school years, new goals, new people, new places!

Sept 02 - Beginning of university!!! A whooooooooole new country, new places, new adventures, new trials and tribulations, new pleasures

Sept 03/04 - Each year the hope that this would be better than the last. And even if it isnt the happiness that heck we dont know yet so lets just keep the hope alive!

Sept 05 - Embarking on full time employment! Hope for a new life for me and family!

Sept 06- ?

Lets find out together shall we!

tragedy

2006-08-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

George Bernard Shaw once wrote ‘There are two great tragedies in life: One is to lose your heart’s desire and the other is to gain it.’

What is it to love? And to be loved? In a time where marriages crumble faster than landslides and divorce is becoming a normal occurrence, what is it to give your heart to someone? Is gaining your heart’s desire accompanied by losing it?

I have been a firm believer in the notion that the best part of a relationship is the first few weeks - where you contemplate and battle within your mind of your interest’s interest in you. Where you make that extra effort to say the right thing or look the right way. Where you make that effort to ensure the other person knows how interested you are in them and how alluring they are to you. And when you gain your heart’s desire, you treasure it. For a while.

I feel that maybe 70 or 80 years ago, people had it easier. A love was a once in a lifetime opportunity. You are born once, you live once, you love once and you die once. The advent of technology, increased awareness of freedom of choice, increased awareness of rights, and of course the increasing equality of genders have changed that world to what we live in now. Where we pass from relationship to relationship, failing to recognise the importance of them simply because we know that there is another coming along when this ends.

This is the reason why we cheat, we take for granted, we hurt and we complain. We have this huge array of choice. There are 6 billion people in this world, so what makes you so special? Well, I say I’m special because I’m me. And you are special because you are you. There’s not a single person out there that’s JUST like us. And doesn’t this give us the right to be treated as special. To be cared for and loved.

So why do I stay in a relationship where I’m told that ‘I don’t want to make the extra effort with you because we might not have a future’. I have a right to a relationship where I’m treated well. So why do I stay? Because maybe the only thing harder than being in a relationship like this is being alone. To deal with that hurt in your heart, to wake up each morning and KNOW its over, surely, it has to be better to wake up each morning and think ‘oh its another day where I’m ignored.’ Maybe my weakness lies in that I have been searching for a relationship - subconsciously at that - for so long that I’ve made so many mistakes and I don’t want to go back into that world. I don’t want to look anymore. And if I walk away, I know I walk away hoping that he will come after me - but deep inside me I know there will be no-one chasing after me begging me to stay. Its just a matter of getting strong enough to be able to deal with that.
So Mr. Shaw’s words ring truer in this day and age, where gaining your heart’s desire is followed by losing it. And yet we go through this pain. And we search again. Maybe it’s the instinct that there is something greater out there for us.

Lets believe that.

For it’ll give us all hope.

And what is hope but the love of life.

Relationships shrug

2006-07-21T03:40:00.000-07:00

My mate and her boyfriend of 1 and a half odd years broke up last December. They were going to get married later on this year and they appeared to be the best couple to all those around them. They were so solid and they weren't a couple that you'd feel a third wheel if you hung out with them. In fact, most of us thought he was the best thing thats happened to her. Then she broke up with him. Noone could understand WHY. Sure they argued but who didn't these days? And she changed. Her behaviour went back to the way it used to be before they started going out. She started drinking loads and partying every night and hanging out with this group of females that she previously disliked. She basked in the attention she was getting from all the men - who unlike her ex didn't want marriage but merely some fun if they were lucky enough to get it. I couldn't understand it. What made this girl throw away the best thing she had and change back to what she had been trying to move away from for a good few years now. I was a bad friend, instead of supporting her - I judged her.

One day, once everything had settled, I asked her why they broke up and what brought on this change of behaviour. She replied 'He didn't appreciate me'. He didn't think to say how nice she looked when she got dressed up to go out with him. He put her down in front of all their friends. He didn't thank her for slaving away full days to make meals for HIS friends so that they would have a good time. Basically, he forgot the basics. He took her for granted. And somewhere along the line, she did something most women are scared to do - she stood up for herself and said she deserves better CONTRARY to what everyone else thought. She wasn't going to be in a relationship where she wasn't appreciated. That makes her a very brave girl. Even if she had to fall down after she made this decision and pick herself up again - it takes a great amount of self worth to say 'I deserve better'.

How many female friends do you know that remain in relationships even when they are treated worse with every passing day? Now for her, it was after one and a half years that these things built up and affected her relationship. So what do you do if you're little one month old relationship are showing the similar signs? I finally get what its like to not feel appreciated. For those little gestures you do to make someone feel good about themselves go without being acknowledged. What its like to be taken for granted. Its a bit harder for me since I'm in Sri Lanka and my boyfriend is in London - this is for a 5 week holiday but as each week passed I've noticed a deterioration in condition. At least in the previous weeks, if I texted whilst he was awake I'd be assured of an immediate response. Now? Not even that. If I text at 11am his time, I get a reply at 9pm his time. How do you stop the resentment build up? I don't want to make an issue of it and tell him whilst we are apart since I've noticed each fight we have seems to be a reason for him to call an end to it. And I don't want to give him that satisfaction.

So I'll tell the world instead:
If I could tell him everything, these are things I would ask from him:
- A simple thank you for coming online at 5am my time just so that I can catch him before he goes to sleep (This is me - who don't wake up before 12pm on any given day)
- A text back as soon as I text or at least during the next 2 hours.
- A simple 'I miss you' or 'I cant wait for you to get back' instead of a 'Im forgetting what you look like'
- I don't know what time he wakes up or goes to sleep, I don't know how his day is - these are little things

But why ask these from people? Shouldn't they know to give these things without being asked? How do you make someone not take you for granted without having to hand out ultimatums? Why do we take all the shit in the world from some people and take none from others?

Relationships... bah humbug!

Internet Savvy

2006-07-19T03:09:00.000-07:00

So.. I've been spending my holiday trying to learn new things. Partially due to an imposing boredom due to the Sri Lankan government being more anal than most other governments having imposed a $750 levy per half hour imported program that is shown on local television! Now this my friends is a hilarious state of affairs as people are being deprived of their fundamental right of access to knowledge. So as most TV stations - other than the very resilient of them - can't afford to run their business with levies such as this, have given up on their regular half an hour programs such as 'Friends', 'Two and a Half Men' as well as the one hour programs (which are charged a levy of $1000 PER airing - so even re runs get charged) such as 'OC', 'ER' and now just air CNN or Singaporean news TWENTY FOUR SEVEN.

Now I'm all for learning about the world and its economy and its battles. However, to be forced to do so for pure lack of other entertainment is surely a violation of some sort of human right. Such is the sad state of affairs in some nations.

Anyways, I detract so due to this lack of entertainment, I've been trying to set up my online business and therefore its website. I tried messing around with the html in this blog and for around 10 minutes the entire blog disappeared! Was most disconcerting! But I'm learning. So what's my business? Take a look if you so wish: http://maldivestravel.bravehost.com

Since I love the Maldives so and I feel I know bucket loads about it, I thought I might as well capitalise on this information and help others who are not so Maldives savvy! But so far no business. Its a crap site Im trying to get some professional help now. If any of you out there are web designers pls feel free to help me!

Olrite Im gonna go off and read a book or something.

Take care y'all

The journey; the destination

2006-07-15T05:30:00.000-07:00

I have not been blogging for more than a month now! Ironically, the day of my last post is also the day before I met someone very special. So I guess its safe to say I was rescued from the great big void I was feeling within me for so long.

Its funny to read back my last post and remember what I felt. Ironic too that I speak of having nothing to tie me down to London. So true. Then I can't help but think that the greatest void within me was probably that. The fact that I had nothing tying me down. Because when we are tied down it means we are wanted. By a career or a relationship or anything really. So it was probably this that made me search for something whilst making plans to leave.

You know how its Sod's Law how when you are looking for something you never find it? Well same goes for love or companionship. I have made many mistakes since September 2005 trying to look for that but then when I decided to leave I realised that I no longer needed to look for a relationship or that special someone to make me feel complete. AND voila, I found him. I'm not saying I found HIM as in the ONE. But I believe people enter our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. And maybe a month from now, I'll be alone again, but I know that because I met this person I found a reason to stay in London again. I also got my priorities back as well as my motivation!

I've got a little plan now for life. And more over, Im fulfilling one of my greatest dreams since I started working and realising that there is so much MORE TO LIFE: travelling! Im going travelling for two months to India and Australia to see the big big world out there. So that when I come back and settle back into the horrid corporate lifestyle and become a slave for money - I will know that I lived. At least for a few moments.

As for my dream of living in Sydney, I realise that in Sydney I'll have family and maybe I'll be able to do Medicine in a few years but I won't be able to earn and help my parents. And I realise that in London, maybe I dont have 100's of friends but I'd rather have the handful GREAT friends that I in London to 40/50 mediocre friends in Sydney.

Well all these are hopes. For what is hope but the love of life. So keep hoping people!

I'll leave you with this awesome quote I heard recently:

'Don't be afraid to make mistakes, stumble and fall. Cos most of the times the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wished for, Maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined.

Who knows where life will take you?

The road is long and in the end - the journey is the destination'

So enjoy the journey my friend! Because life has ways of surprising us when we least expect it!

Good night and good luck ;)

Oh what a night..

2006-05-20T18:29:00.000-07:00

Song I'm listening to: Oh what a night!

What a lady what a night!! ...

Currently going on the radio.. must have been out when I was 10 or something. Some classics never fade. Isnt it nice how music is always with you? Friends can grow up, change and move on, countries can leave you or vice versa, but music is always with you. And with music you can cross the boundaries of time. Isn't that a special treat?

Well currently, I have decided to change my life completely. TURN IT ON ITS HEAD. and see what it can deliver. Basically, I ve decided to leave London, go home for 6 months and then move to Sydney to do my masters. Now I am not aware how brilliant this decision is - I guess only time can tell. Sometimes I feel sad, London's my friend, its my home away from home. Such a big city and I can tell you exactly how to get to a place you ask about. I know the bus routes, the tube map has been implanted in my head, the best clubs to goto, the bands that play here, where to get chinese if I want chinese or italian if I want italian food. The broadbands - exactly that - its broadband, its fast, I can download my episodes of my fave tv shows or download music the minute I feel like it. I can order my food or clothes or dvds online and I can sell anything i dont feel like owning anymore. I know where I can goto relax, stroll in the park, where the best starbucks is, its where I went to college, where I had dates, where I got broken hearted, where I met my bestest mates. So why am I leaving?

Well, London tries its hardest to keep me company, but most of the time Im alone. Friends are busy, no family makes me a dull person. Now I wake up late, goto gym and just hang out at home with my flatmates. Ppl have moved away from this city and it just isnt what it used to be. I guess thats part of growing up. So I must go and see what the world has to offer me. Im gonna drive myself insane living at home. Im sure of this. But I get my meals cooked for me, my laundry done without me even realising it, my parents will be there - those are little blessings that I want to enjoy. If I dont enjoy them now, when will I enjoy them again? And I feel this is the best time. Theres nothing to tie me down to London - so must use this time and leave.

And Sydney! A whole new city to explore. And it might not be anywhere near London - but it has the sea. That can counteract any other negativities.

Song Im listening to now: I keep forgetting - by an old band. Thats the name of the song

Good night and Good luck

Run

2006-05-14T18:22:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had an experience where you felt connected with your soul? And better yet, was this experience through music?? I have not been much of an appreciator of the truly moving or inspiring nature of music till recently. Always listened to my R&B and the occasional other genre. But lately, I have been more and more.. attracted (wouldn't signify the intesity of the feeling) well ok attracted to music and its ability as a form of art to transport you beyond your boundaries.

I just had one of those moments. Its past 2am I was gonna goto bed but I thought let me listen to one of my all time fave songs, Run by Snow Patrol before I do. Put my headphones on cranked up the volume and closed my eyes and let the music just envelope me. And what I found - what I have been finding lately- is this amazing sense of peace and ability to get in touch with my core being. Now to most of you this might make no sense but its the only way I can express it. Its so POWERFUL and MOVING and it gets past all the daily nuances of life and it touches you. When I first listened to Run, it gave me this feeling of wanting to run in a massive field with my arms wide open and FEELING SO FREE. I went to see the band live last week and it was such an amzing experience - just hearing that song being played at volumes I cant really maange without being called up by the council for noise pollution, and seeing all these people singing it and REALLY BELIEVING. That sense of belief is just so intense at that moment of time that it carries you into this place where you never thought you could go. The emotions that run through you - you feel like crying through happiness or sadness or you feel fulfilled.

Im into alternative & indie rock and I find it helps me get away from the troubles or lack of of life. Maybe you ve felt the same way - you know how easy it is to walk a certain distance if u got ur ipod on and the same distance could seem so tiring if you havent. Thats a minor form of what Im talking about. How it can just envelop you and take you away from pain. physical or otherwise. And sometimes music can express your feelings much better than you EVER can. And for the first time, if someone asks me what Im truly passionate about - I have something to tell them. MUSIC. its the bands that get up there and perform and create songs that flow along from person to person and touches every soul that listens to it. Im passionate about that type of music.

Now im gonna listen to Run one last time, and goto bed.

See if you like it too!

Rambling on..

2006-05-10T07:10:00.000-07:00

It has been a significant period since my last entry. The cause for this being life has taken over and I am left with no time for myself. Even when I do have time for myself I am so busy trying to enjoy it that often, I feel I don’t. Anyways, the past couple of weeks since my return from holiday has been quite eventful: I went for a Snow Patrol concert, started working again, have been posted out to some city far away from London so find myself commuting every morning – quite ironic I should think, had a massive argument with a flatmate, and tried (trying) to implement a fitness regime. Not that I’m large or anything but this occasional fat tub of a stomach is really beginning to irritate me. Oh yeah and I attempted to study to become a life coach. But the tutors were pretty lazy in marking the assignments and it was taking too long for me to get feedback so I unenrolled myself and hopefully am on the way to getting my refund. Oh and also, I tried to sell my old digicam on amazon and a dogdy Nigerian is claiming he bought it when amazon does not reflect any signs of a transaction. Very dodgy I must say! But I did buy myself a new digicam. I am now a proud owner of a sony dsc-t7… I’m not very tecchy but I must say this thing takes marvellous pictures!

Oh and the Sultan & The elephant was in London last weekend and I went to see it. Its this massive parade which goes around London for three days. They ve formed this MASSIVE mechanical elephant and the play takes place on it… and the elephant shoots out water! Very fun! But a tiring weekend. Snow Patrol is definitely an amazing band! They have a really big stage presence and when they played ‘Run’ I felt like I was in another realm of existence. I have discovered FINALLY what I’m passionate about! MUSIC! I love alternative & Indie type of music, like say Nada Surf or Embrace or Belle & Sebastian. But Snow Patrol is just up there with the legends. I’m gonna go watch a Goo Goo Dolls concert at the end of the month! Should be good. I love Iris and Slide. But I hear they got a new album out. Must check it out. So what music are you guys into?

Anyways this aint very philosophical since Im at work and Im trying to while away the time without actually doing anything substantial. I ve posted stuff for sale on ebay and am currently trying to manipulate the sale of my straightner! Proving more hasslesome than I feared. Anyways speak to you guys soon! Laters! xx

Calling against injustice

2006-05-02T06:55:00.000-07:00

I wrote this a while back when I was in Sri Lanka, just got around to posting it:

Last night, I watched an Indian movie called ‘Rang De Basanti’ at the cinema with my dad. It was a story about five university students who get channelled to act in a documentary about the legendary independence heroes and eventually end up mirroring the same acts against the corruption that exists in Indian politics nowadays. This movie has caused much controversy in India since its release, with the Indian police requesting the movie to be banned from cinemas. Watching it last night, many feelings arose within me – one of the main being if I was Indian, I would be very proud of my nation right then.

Our independence right now is largely owed to the heroic acts of many Indians – including Mangal Pandey, Baghat Singh, Chandrashekar Azad and Gandhi to name but a few. It is not owed to the Sri Lankan elite such as SWRD Bandaranaike who were mere sycophants to the British rule. When India was in revolt, what were we doing? So how can two populations of people separated merely by a strait be that different? What do the Indians fight for that we can’t? India is a country steeped with cultures, values and traditions. The religions are held with the highest esteem with its followers – so if anyone treads past the religious boundaries they will revolt. Their history and culture are as treasured – if there is a danger to this, they will revolt. What do we have? Buddhist monks entering parliament and revolting against the peace process. So where can the lay Buddhist look for an example as to how to be a true Buddhist? Ours is a system where the rich are rich and the poor very poor; and the politicians exploiting this setup without feeling the need to rectify it. They, come election time, pick at the sore wounds of the poor by emphasising issues of nationalism and religious sovereignty simply to win their vote. When they enter parliament, do they remember the people who put them there? NO. I am speaking words that have echoed since independence so let me return to the topic at hand.

This film follows on from the legend of Mangal Pandey – which was solely based on the British rule – by first presenting the image of the horrific British rule and then drawing parallels with the current political situation in India. The only difference been the guns were ordered to be fired by a white man then and now its one of their own. It reiterates that someone needs to say this is wrong and take a wilful stand against it – or else it will continue. This is most important to us as Sri Lankans. With an imminent war that have been terrorising us for the past 22 years – isn’t it time someone says we wont let you kill our innocent children for your benefit? If the war is necessary for the security of our state, if no other compromise can be reached, then yes these soldiers won’t die in vain. BUT if they are going into battle just to fatten up some man in Colombo’s pockets, then NO that is not okay. We cannot sit by and watch this.

I presume this is what the film asks us to think. That it is not okay what is going on in this world right now and we can take a stand against it. Drawing parallels with the rise against the British rule of the previous century, why don’t Sri Lankans do anything? Are we too scared? Yes. No one wants to stand up against the bad guy. Even me for I sit and write these words and were I to take action, I will be too scared of death to do anything of substance. Perhaps as a nation we are too cowardly to rise up against injustice. Perhaps we are just used to looking to the Indians to provide our independence. Be it from the British or corruption.

Carry on Loneliness

2006-04-21T02:20:00.000-07:00

One of the issues that I have been facing recently (or maybe for a longer time, I've no idea) is that of loneliness. Even when surrounded by people. And no, Im not psychotic. Since I live in a country away from home, I may feel it slightly stronger than some others. But then everyone fights their own battles so I can't assume anything.

Back home, I come from a big group of friends - we always had a system of three best friends each and then the masses of people that come along with such a network. I had my parents and my aunts and cousins always there for comfort or to just sit around with. Then, as life progressed and we all washed away to our respective shores, I found this system slowly dwindling. Life took over and we all changed our attitudes (or perhaps we just grew up) and also grew apart. So now, when I go back home for holidays instead of the 20+ of us who used to hang out, I'm hard pressed to find 3. This is not just me either; everyone feels the same. Maybe it is because we are reluctant to keep company with people we can't relate to too much (time constraints and what not) and thereby we deplete the pool of people to hang out with. Family is still around but as cousins have gone away leading thier own lives having their own children, I find the parents (including my own) all caught up in their own soiree of loneliness. My parent's friends are equally lonely and hope for answers in distant shores. These are the associated problems with braindrains.

So when I come back here, I have my responsibilities, my work, my dreams, my thoughts as so do all my other friends. We can meet and chat and have fun but at the end, we go home alone. Some of us are so innately affected by our work that personalities have begun to change. There's this innate sense of unsatisfaction with life that's eating away at some people.

It just compels you to ask, the old traditional model of a family is no longer the standard. Parents are elsewhere, children are elsewhere. At times, you're family becomes you're friends. And at times, you're family is just you. So what is the new model that we are forming for future generations?

The answer to loneliness is perhaps to accept that we are alone. Someone told me this last year. We can't change that - we are alone. We have friends and family but they are seperate beings. And we must accept this. And from this, we can derive satisfaction and no longer waste our energy in trying so hard not to be alone.

To conclude with, I think this line in the Tegan & Sara song 'Don't Confess' sums it up perfectly- 'I'm not alone; I'm just on my own'

Jetlag and the problems thereof...

2006-04-20T10:13:00.000-07:00

It has been ages since my last post: this can be attributed to my impromptu holiday to the sunny isles of Sri Lanka and the Maldives! Since I originate from Sri Lanka, going back was a little dose of happiness in an otherwise confused existence. To return to the gloomy land of London makes me appreciate even more the beauty that exists in this world.

Maldives is a beautiful archipelago of around 1000 islands. The reefs are home to the world's largest array of marine life: I saw 10 black tip sharks and several sting rays not to mention the number of types of fish the corals contain! I guess if I was the diving type I'd find this even more enticing. To me, the fact that I can lounge in a sun bed 3 feet into the ocean and sleep with the water flowing around me is the reason for living.

Being in places like these, with people that love me and care for me, makes me realise that there is SO much more to life than some of us think. We are meant to enjoy our lives not slave away at it. So with all these thoughts in mind, and with my jet lag swiftly setting in, Im going to go and dream about the Maldives and other sunny areas of the world!

Sleepless mornings

2006-03-30T15:41:00.000-08:00

Dont you find sleeping till afternoon one of those joys of life? But lately, its become increasingly difficult to sleep late because my neighbours are renovating their house and there is continuous drilling waking me up at 9am. And it feels like they are drilling into my head... its awful!! So me and my flatmate try to run away from home as much as possible. But this can prove to be quite expensive.

However I have recently discovered the joys of free museums. I used to go as a kid with my mum- my fave being natural history museum.. the big dinosaur at the front is so cool. It was very awe inspiring when I was 5 and since it was so much bigger than my 4 ft self at the time, I was quite star struck. Now, its awe inspiring because its a constant reminder that life existed before us. And if such a significant species could suffer extinction, what is it to say that we won't much sooner? At least Im sure they didnt contribute to their demise with nuclear reactors, release of CFCs, exploitation of natural resources etc etc. Somehow I dont think 3 billions years from now, we will be remembered very fondly. Or maybe we will. Who knows.

Anyways I digress. Museums are a great way to spend a free afternoon. Unless they are filled with screaming eastern european teenagers. In which case, you are as doomed as you are in a drilling house. Its informative, free and allows your mind to wander freely. Which is always great. I also find the tube a great place to think and observe fellow passengers. Its interesting how each of the lines have their distinct set of passengers and perhaps passenger etiquette. I think you find the most number of tourists on the district and circle lines. Its quite interesting. People tend to be a whole lot more curious on these lines as well - these two and Picadilly. My local line has been the Northern line for the past four years and I find that a change from that line to these lines is quite daunting. You find more people actually looking at you, judging you whereas in the northern line people are probably too scared to look at each other because who knows what type of trouble you'll attract.

Its after midnight and this is probably why I am talking a whole heap about a whole heap. So I will publish this and go off and do some study.